Chapter 21



 

Yaz was coming home from work. It was nice to be home for a while and she was happy that what ever happened to her seemed like it would never happen again. At least not in the last two weeks. It was Thursday and tomorrow was extremely exciting for her as they were flying to Rome for the weekend and she was grateful that her boss had let her leave early. She had literally never left the UK and didn't even know what to expect, but the fact that she was doing it with Clara made it even more special. Their six month anniversary was literally around the corner and she was thinking about what to do because she was determined to spoil Clara as much as she could and do something romantic for her at least once because apart from the odd special dinner she cooked Clara organized literally everything else and she kept dazzling her with the most romantic dates . So this time it will have to be something special. Today was a bright sunny day and she had the morning shift so she still had plenty of time before Clara got home from work to do some Googling for a nice place. It was also the day Clara's conservatory was due to be completed and Yaz bought some balloons and ribbon to make it special for her before she went home.
She parked the car Infront the house. The garage door was open and the van was parked outside. Workers taking furniture out. She rushed to see how the work was getting along.

"Hello David" she peaked through the kitchen door

"Oh, hi Yaz...look almost done" he shows proudly

"My god it looks amazing!!...Clara will legit lose it when she sees it" she walked inside and it really did look beautiful.

They chose cream sofas and a small coffee table. They also finally had a proper dining table in it as well.

"The table is really stunning Yaz and guys are just getting the chairs out of the van"

"I know I fell in love with that table...stunning"

And it really was a beautiful oval solid wood table in cream color and beautifully crafted wooden legs.

"Oh, could you please do me a favor and bring that bug plant from the garage"

"Yeah sure Yaz no problem"

"I appreciate it. I tried lifting it but it's just too heavy"

"No problem"

"Would you like some tea?"

"That would be lovely, thank you"

Yaz put the kettle on and started taking out the groceries. She was excited about this evening. It was literally the first time since they had been together that she had been able to properly plan a surprise. Two hours flew by quickly and the conservatory was finished. As much as she missed the view of the garden from the window, she could now see why it was something Clara so desperately wanted and could see herself sitting on the sofa on cold winter evenings looking out into the garden. Clara also had plans for a garden, but she still refused to have a gardener, and after the accident that was something Yaz had a serious problem with. She put balloons up and set the table for dinner. It was getting dark outside and now the place looked even more inviting and romantic with lights from the garden and candles on the table. She heard the phone ringing from the kitchen and rushed inside

"Hey babes"

"Hey lovely ...I'm on my way back. Sorry it took longer than I thought. Traffic is horrible but I should be home in about 15 min"

"Alright darling"

"Did they finish?"

"Oh yeah"

"Aaaannnd? Do tell"

"Noo you just have to see for yourself"

"Yaz that's so cruel...come on...just tell me"

"It's beautiful...but you need to see just how much"

"I'm so chuffed Yaz...I'm flooring it home"

"No you're not...drive normally...I want this body"

"I know you do" she laughed

"Good then can you please keep it?"

Clara laughed "See you soon...love ya"

"Love you too"

She rushed upstairs to quickly get herself sorted and change, taking a quick shower and pulling on a tight blue dress that reached her knees and had an open back. It was one of those that took her back to her clubbing days before she met Clara. She quickly combed her hair and let it loose over her shoulders. Something she really did but she knew Clara loved and just as she finished she heard a car pull up so she ran downstairs and opened the door with a big smile on her face.

"Yaz?" Clara shut the car door and looked at her confused "Are we going somewhere and I forgot?" Clara said and kissed her temple at the door

"Nope" she smiled and reached for her hand "Close your eyes"

"Alright" she chuckled "What did you do Yaz?"

"Just go with it babe...Life may surprise you"

Clara laughed "You suddenly sounded lile me there amd that's just freaky....Mmmmm that food smells nice"

"Oh you know what they say...couples rub off on each other love...Be careful little step" she said leading her through the kitchen door

"Can I now open my eyes?"

"Yap now you can" she smiled

"Blimey!!!!.... Aaaaa this is brilliant Yaz" she kissed her head "You didn't have to do all this but I love the balloons...and the table"

"It does look stunning"

"Aaaa see what I was talking about and look you can see the stars Yaz" she stood in the middle of it holding her hand looking up and went silent for a moment

Yaz looked at her face and she literally relased at that point what this was all about "That's why you wanted it? To look at the stars?"

Clara looked down at her and Yaz could she her eyes glistening in the lights "Yes...it was Yaz"

"You miss it don't you?"

Clara pursed her lips and brushed her thumb over Yaz's cheek "Little...But I have you now"

"It's ok to be sad you know"

"C'mere" she pulled her to herself pressing Yaz's back to her chest and wrapped her arms around her "Look the moon is young...it's beautiful and it's a clear night...you can see the Milky Way...right there" she pointed over her shoulder

Yaz knew her move was strategic so she couldn't see her face. But she heard her voice tremble and felt her hearts beat hard against her back.

"It's absolutely beautiful"

They stood there for a while in silence with Yaz resting on her back relaxed in a gentle rocking motion

"I really love you Yasmin...Nothing makes me happy as you do"

Yaz gently squeezed on her fingers laced together on her chest "Oh baby...I didn't know what happy even meant before I met you"
She turned her head over her shoulder and Clara's lips meet her half way sinking into her slow and gentle melting every part of her being.

The blinds were closed all around them with only night sky filled with stars above them as they leyed in each others arms on sofa underneath the soft blanket. Candles burned almost till the end and dinner was still in the oven. But Yaz would much rather ran her fingers gently down the curve of Clara's waist and dot kisses over her face than eat her dinner. Her skin was still warm and slowly cooling down underneath  her fingers. They didn't say much. Their hands and lips spoke louder then words tonight.

"I'm now starting to think about that food" Clara smiled still kissing her. She must have kissed her hounded times tonight. But her kisses were different, slow gentle and filled with a kind of sadness that scared Yaz. Clara would often go to some melancholic state but when she did Yaz didn't ask too many questions just made sure she knew how much she was loved. In her mind it was more important than words.
 
"Wanna get up" she asked moving little strain of hair from her face

"Mmmm...soon" she smiled wiggling under the blanket pulling her closer "I wanna enjoy in this a bit more"

"We did everything upside-down tonight" Yaz laughed

"I like this upside-down...I love everything you did tonight...specially balloons...Thank you"

"You never need to say thank you for me loving you. You do so much for me, it was about time I did something in return...oh...I have something else"

"You do? Are you gonna pull a rabbit out of a hat tonight Yaz?"

"Maybe" she laughed and reached to the coffee table picking up a small present from the shelf underneath it "I was trying to hide it on obvious place" she laughed "Happy early anniversary"

Clara opened the little box and her hearts literally stopped beating for a moment "Yaz...I" she sat up leaning on the armrest looking shocked at the cuff earring with two hands and the the chain connected to the cluster of stars. Words got stuck in her throat and she couldn't get them out "How...?"

"I saw your ear is pierced but you never wear anything...soooo...I just had an idea and had it custom made...it's you and I holding hands and...you know...stars where you come from that put us together...Do you like it?"

Tears started rolling down Clara's face. She brushed  ger finger over it in a box and her cheeks went red she was trying to speak but her bottom lip was wobbling so much she was desperately trying to get the world's out "I love it" she managed to say and broke down whimpering kissing Yaz's lips through the tears

"OMG babe...don't cry love" she stroke her face gently. Clara was shaking and Yaz couldn't understand what got her so emotional but it warmed her heart that she loved the present so much "I wasn't sure iff it was your style" she smiled "But obviously it is"

"Oh Yaz...." she wiped her tears but new ones just followed then wrapped her hand around her face "I llooove it Yaz...I absolutely love it...you put it on me?"

"Alright baby..." she smiled and kissed her softly "I love you so much

"Oh Yaz...my hearts are so filled with love"

"Fuck babe stop your making me cry now...are we both hormonal or something" she laughed

"Maybe" Clara laughed

"Let me put it in for you" she carefully put the earring in and looked at her tucking hair behind ger ear
"Does it suit me?"

"You look beautiful darling...wanna eat now" she nodded smiling stroking her face

"Yeah I'm starving" she smiles

"Come on let's quickly hit the shower and test out new table...dinner under the stars"

"Yaaaz stop I can't stop crying"

"OMG ...look who is mushy today" she pulled her in on her shoulder and wrapped her arms around her "I fucking adore you...and you're freezing cold so get your bum up now come on"

"I need to put heating on" she smiled into her shoulder

"Yeah night's are still chilly"
 

....
 

It was Friday, and Clara was rushing to get everything done at the university. She was in her office sorting putting paperwork in a small wooden drawer and then picked up some books putting them back on the shelf.

A man stood at the door looking at her wide black trousers and a white shirt. It was a the black braces and the blonde hair that gave her away together with her distinctive body language. Other than that he would have easily passed her on the street not even recognizing her. Even after an hour of listening to her lecture he still couldn't wrap his head around it.

A knock on a door got her attention and she turned around.

"Ryan!!!!" she jumped

"Hey look at you...god you look different" he stood for a moment just trying to adjust his brain to the visual

They rushed towards each other and hugged tight "God I missed you" he said and pulled back

"I missed all of you so much Ryan...this is such a nice surprise....What are you doing here? How did you find me?"

"Grandad told me where you work so I called on Monday asking when you have lectures...I was sitting in last row" he laughed "You didn't see me"

"Noooo I didn't...old eyes Ryan"

"God I can't wrap my head around it...you look...so human" he laughed making her chuckle "Are you done here? Can we grab a drink?" he asked nodding towards the door

"Definitely...let me just put these books away"
 
 

....
 
 

"So when did you come back?" she asked leaning in a chair

They sat down in a small café not far from the university. It was a beautiful sunny day so they sat outside on the terrace overlooking the local park.

"Came back Monday. I'm so pissed I couldn't come over to see Yaz. Grandad told me everything. How is she doing Doctor?"

"For now she's fine Ryan....let's just hope it stays like that. I'm doing some tests still and I got all my mates helping me Kate and Jack and Martha...you never met Martha ..she used to travel with me. But I still need a lot more information"

"Man that's just making me cringe...but in all of it I'm glad you two are happy Doctor...Grandad told me you're getting married?"

"We are Ryan" she smiled happily

"Well that's a great news...so see it did turn out fine for you Doctor after all"

She sighed deeply "Let's hope so Ryan...I attended not to get too happy to fast. What about you? You happy with UNIT?"

"Oh man it's...wooow...amazing...If grandma could see she'd be so chuffed"

"She would be so proud of you Ryan. I will have to go...I'm so sorry Ryan but Yaz and I are flying to Rome this evening"

"Woow....alright no problem"

"Buuut we definitely need to see each other" she gets up pointing a finger at him

"Aaaaa hundred percent Doctor...just let me know when you can"

She hugged him one more time "This was really nice surprise Ryan thank you for coming to see me"

"Hey.. family remembered" he bumps her shoulder with a fist

"Fam...my fam" she smiled
 

....
 
 

She was happy driving back home. Seeing everyone again in past few months and having them back in her life gave her new hope and felt like turning a new page. The loneliness she felt for decades was finally starting to leave her and she slowly began to breathe again. It almost felt like she wasn't even aware of how suffocating it felt. She was so used to pushing everything away and compartmentalizing her pain that it became essential part of her character, a coping mechanism she perfected throughout her long life. But this time life took a funny turn so many years ago when a three random humans decided to take a trip in her blue box. They changed her forever and way she looked at the word. And she remembered telling them how they will not come back as same people but she never knew she won't either. And as Graham said that night....it was a good thing. The best that ever happened to her. She only hoped that the same luck would smile on her regarding Yaz. Because she couldn't have a universe without her. She parked the car and rushed inside. It was late and they had a long drive to the airport.

"Hi love! " she walked inside and Yaz rushed down the stairs throwing herself at her

"We're going to Roooome!" she yelled like a kid kissing randomly her whole face

Clara laughed as she almost lost a step from the force of that hug "Blimey...someone is exited" she tapped her bum as she hugged her "Are we packed?"

"We sure are"

"Right...I need a shower, change of clothes, some food, one more kiss and we go"

"Just one kiss?"

"Neah" she scrunched her face "Did I say one? I meant five Yaz"

She laughed draping her arms over her shoulders kissing her five times on her lips briefly "I'll go fix the food you go take a shower"

"Deal" she let her go and ran upstairs and Yaz ran towards the kitchen with a big smile on her face feeling like her hart will pop out of her chest from excitement. She was putting a tray into the oven and calling her mum.

"Hey mum...just though I call you"

"Hi darling...when are you leaving?"

"We are literally leaving in an hour"

"Exited?"

"Like fucking crazy...Rome mum...fuckin Rome"

"I know it's amazing Yaz"

"I will buy you all something"
.
"Don't spend your money Yaz...just bring me a stone from Pompey ..I would like that"

"Alright mum...I need to go now and I'll call you when we get there"

"Alright honey...I love you both"

"And I love you too...kisses to everyone"

"Safe trip darling"
 
 

....
 
 

"Yaz come on darling car is packed we need to get a shift on...traffic will be horrible"

"Coming!!" she yelled and came out locking the door

"Did you take your pillow?"

"Yeees" she smiled absolutely beaming

"Just asking cause I know you'll sleep all the way to Rome" she laughed

The drive to the airport was horrible and it took forever but they finally came and Yaz's eyes open wide at the sight. She's never been to the airport before and this one was massive and for a moment she felt panicked she'd get lost if let's go Clara's hand so she was squeezing it really hard. Clara relased she was anxious and kept smiling at her rubbing her finger over the side of her hand.
They checked in after a long wait and now they were waiting for the boarding

"You alright darling?" Clara leaned over as she saw Yaz fighting in her seat

"I have to go and pee" she said in desperation

"And why are you holding it then Yaz that must be very uncomfortable" she could help smiling

"What if they leave whiles I'm in there?"

Clara chuckled finding this so cute she just wanted to explode from inside "Then they will leave without me as well Yaz cause I'm not going without you...So go now fast...run" she laughed and Yaz quickly got up and looked at her confused

"That way" Clara smiled pointing where the toilets were

Yaz felt utterly lost in all of this and a bit stupid as well. She was hoping with time she would feel more relaxed but at this point she yet again felt as if she doesn't belong to this place. Her insecurities would continuously play up on her all the time and she absolutely hated herself for it but being with Clara gave little bit of confidence with each day and she was hoping that one day all these nasty feelings bubbling inside her would go away. Door of the toilet opened up and it was Clara

"Get a shift on we need to board"

"Alright" she looked at her eyes filled with tears

"Yaz?...what's wrong?"

"Nothing" she wiped her tears with a tissue and headed towards the door but Clara stopped her

"You're doing fine...It's ok" she put a finger under her chin lifting her gaze "I took a wrong plane to a different country once...did I tell you that?"

"No" she laughed through tears and Clara wiped her face with both hands "I'll tell you all about it...I miss my destination a lot of times...and time as well" she made her laugh and then took her hand continuing to talk "I once missed 250 years Yaz...and I was trying to get Graham home 13 times"

"You're just trying to make me feel better now"

"Honest Yaz ask him"
 

....
 
 

Yaz continued to be nervous on a plane but once they took of she was absolutely mesmerized by the beautiful view through the window. Her eyes glued to it as Clara purposely sat her down next to it. Soon it went dark and she couldn't see outside anymore.

"Beautiful isn't it" Clara asked smiling at her softly. She brought her hand to her lips and kissed her knuckles

"Thank you"

"For what?"

"Giving me a dream"

"I could debate who's giving who a dream in this relationship Yaz" she smiled "Your eye is missing the beat" she pointed "Why don't you take a nap ha?"

"Mmmm" she leaned her head on her shoulder and few minutes she was checked out.

Within twenty minutes she she was curled up in a ball with her head on Clara's lap. The lights were out and most of the passengers fell asleep. It wasn't a long flight but it was at 21 in the evening when they left London so by the time they got out of the Rome airport it was already midnight. Clara spoke fluent Italian which made Yaz chuckle because she wasn't used to hearing her speaking another language apart from French on their first dinner date. But Italian somehow fitted her character more as she would be able to ramble on in even higher speed than in English. And she did with a cab driver all the way to the hotel whilst Yaz was slumped on her shoulder trying to keep awake.

"Yaz...darling...wake up lovely"

"Mmmm....are we home?"

Clara laughed "No darling but we are at the hotel and we need to get out of a cab"

"Oh...shit...shorry...my god what's wrong with me"

"It's just you Yaz...you sleep for for both of us" she laughed

The hotel was in the right center of Rome and was absolutely stunning but Yaz was way to tired to acknowledge any of it. She was literally dragging her feet around as they stepped inti the lobby.

"Yaz darling go and sit there I'll sort out the room" she pointed at the set of armchairs in a corner

Yaz sat down and she was slowly coming around in bright light of the lobby. Italian all around her seemed so weird in her ears. And air smelled differently than in England. It was also a lot warmer and she now wondered if she packed the right clothes for them. In all fairness she hadn't thought about how much more north was Sheffield from Rome or the fact that they are in Italy. So now she was getting a bit worried. If night was so much warmer what will day be like. She kept thinking about clothes then she relased her brain is probably melting from everything and this is just stress. In the end both her and Clara mostly wore shirts and how hot can it be. She then relased she was sitting like a child waiting for her parent to sort out the hotel room and she didn't know if it felt more funny or stupid. Technically her future wife was as old as Rome and that though just totally smashed through her brain.

"Yaz are you alright?" Clara looked at her sitting in the armchair with a blank expression on her face staring at one dot and staring worrying about change of pressure due to flying and could that effect her neurologically. Something she hadn't really thought about and now she started to panic. She took a sonic out and scanned her.

"You're as old as Rome babe"

"Ha. .what Yaz?" she answered not really concentrated rather looked at her sonic reading

"You're as old as Rome" she smiled

"Oh that...aaahh older Yaz" come on baby you need to rest" she looked at the sonic rather worried

"OMG...babe I don't feel that good"

"Shoot...how darling...tell me?"

"I feel a bit sick"

"Right it could be car ride Yaz"

"Why would I be sick from that?" she got up

"Other side of the road darling...playing tricks on your brain. You never left England darling and then pressure and attitude changes...Come on...let's go. Can you walk?"

"I feel really sick darling"

"Right..." she looked around then yelled to the lady on the front desk "Mi scusi signora dov'è il gabinetto?"

"Qui a destra signora" the lady replied and Yaz was totally confused but Clara wasn't she said something else that Yaz couldn't make out either

"Come on Yaz come here" she grabbed her by the arm and Yaz literally felt those few steps that she had to make like she will start throwing up on the floor "Come on darling" she dragged her through the door and then booted the door of the cubical

"OMG!" Yaz whimpered and Clara lowered her literally to her knees holding her head above the toilet

She felt like she was going to die. Cold sweat coming over her then blank like someone switched off the lights and she felt like falling. The feeling scared her but then it felt like she fell asleep and was in a dream. Soft lights around her and orange pillars like massive crystals towering over her. She was lying on the mattress and looking up at massive tall ceiling with hexagon shapes. Clara's head was tucked into her neck and her hand over her chest. Suddenly it felt so cold and she herd her calling her name from the far. Then sounds changed and her voice was closer. But she felt so cold.

"Yaz...Yas please wake up Yaz"

She opened her eyes and saw Clara above her completely frantic

"Baby" she replied faintly "What happened?" It took few seconds for her to release she was lying on the toilet floor

"Yaz darling" she brushed her fingers over her cheek then zoomed a sonic over her again "You passed out on me darling"

Yaz suddenly started feeling emotional and she had no idea why. Tears running down her face "Clara..." she whimpered crying "I'm so scared"

"Hey...hey...it's ok Yaz...it ok darling" Clara stroke her forehead "You just passed out...it's gone it's ok...Come on" she got ger up and scooped her up in to her arms carrying her to the lobby then sat her down on the chair

The lady from the front desk came over concerned and Clara was saying something in Italian she didn't understand but few moments later she brought a wet towel and a glass of water and Clara wiped her whole face with it. It felt good the cold water on her face.

"Hold it there darling" she leaned her in the chair and started digging through her bag taking something like pencil out pressing it to her neck. It was injection and Yaz flinched "It's good I take my medicine kid everywhere ha" she smiled and kissed her forehead

Yaz started feeling better within few minutes and slowly went to their room.

"I'm so sorry for that" she said sitting on the edge of the bed whilst Clara was undressing her

"For what Yaz?...Arms up darling" she said taking her t-shirt off

"Throwing up...that's so embarrassing"

"Don't be silly Yaz...throwing up is a normal body function nothing to be embarrassed about. Specially with me...I'm not just here to kiss you you know" she took her shoes off "Come on love let's get you into shower ha?"

Yaz was weak, her body felt like jelly and she was still feeling a bit of nausea but it was going. Clara showered her and helped her brush her teeth holding her above the sink. Then put her to bed.

"Feeling better?"

"Mmmm.." she nodded "I'm so sorry" Yaz started crying again "I just ruined everything"

"Hey...hey" she moved her arm from ger face "You haven't ruined anything...we just came here and we have two beautiful days infront of us. But you need to rest now ok?...Promise me? I'll take you to Pompey tomorrow"

"Mmmm...you will?"

"I will if you stop crying" she stroke her forehead and ran her finger on a little spot between her eyebrows

"I love you"

"I adore you...come on...sleep now I need a shower...I won't be long I promise" she kissed her forehead and got up.

Clara reached for her phone from the side table "Najia hi it's Clara"

"Hi hun...Is everything alright?"

"Well sort of..kinda...should  be fine really. Yaz is just feeling a bit poorly. She threw up as we came to the hotel"

"OMG...what"

"And passed out in a toilet as well...sorry I have to tell you I can't not to" she scrunched her face not feeling comfortable giving her the news

"No no I'm glad you are...is she ok?"

"She should be by the morning. I gave her a shot...it should be fine. I think it's plane and then the car, other side if the road...playing nasty stuff on a brain believe me. And also she was so exited so adrenaline was higher...she's sleeping now" she stroke Yaz's hair as she was talking to her mum

"Alright thanks for calling...I trust you taking care of her. Please kiss her for me and have her call me in the morning"

"Will do...Night"

"Night darling"

Clara kissed her head and whispered "From your mum"

"Mmmmm" Yaz murmured and turned on her side

She unbuttoned her shirt and removed the cufflinks leaving them on the table then turned to the bed checking that Yaz was asleep or at least trying to sleep then undressed and got into the shower leaning against the wall and threw her head back letting the water run down her face. She felt the worry in her stomach accompanied by another feeling, helplessness without the Tardis. A vulnerability she was chronically aware of at this point. She was literally miles away from everything that made her really who she was because without it all she had was her brain and her sonic was a cruel joke she thought and remembered someone's words long ago "You are nothing without your Tardis Doctor" She dried her hair and quietly opened the bathroom door hoping that Yaz was asleep then slowly slid into the bed laying down next to her. As if Yaz sensed her, she moved snuggling into her arms and her head into her neck moaning softly. Clara stayed up practically until dawn until she fell asleep utterly exhausted.