Chapter 4
Yaz woke up early to the sound of someone's car alarm going off on the road. She realized there was a hand wrapped around her waist and felt Alex pressed onto her back with her face tucked into her neck. Melting into a puddle she smiled reaching for her hand and lacing their fingers together. Alex wiggled behind her and she felt herself being pulled closer then closed her eyes and went back to sleep.
Smell of breakfast woke her up later and she looked towards the kitchen finding Alex at the stove making omelet. Yaz's apartment was only a studio and purple pull-out sofa was also a bed
"Morning babe" Yaz said with a yawn and got up.
"Hiya" she smiled over her shoulder "I was gonna wake you up when it's done
"That smells amazing...I can get used to this you know" she came over and stroke her face gently placing a small kiss to her lips then kissed her shoulder "Did you sleep well?"
"I slept like a baby...It was nice seeing you there in a morning...I could get used to that" she smiled glancing at her
"I would love you to get used to that" Yaz took plates from the cupboard and kissed the side of her head as she passed next to her
"I finish earlier today...but tomorrow I have a night shift...but I was thinking" she said turning around and filling the plates "You could...I dunno...take some stuff with you"
Yaz put the cat food on the floor and looked at her confused. Her cat was hiding since yesterday as he wasn't used to other people in the apartment. "What do you mean?"
"Oh...I fed him in the morning...I doubt he'll eat again"
"Oh...you met him?"
"Yeah..." she giggled "I think his hunger was bigger than his fear so we even had a cuddle....Anyway...you could stay" she said putting a frying pan back on a stove "You know...at my place tonight...if you'd like that?"
"Are you serious?" Yaz asked beaming
"As a heart attack" she giggled
"Yeah...I'd love that"
"Brilliant" she said sitting down haply
….
Alex left and suddenly the apartment seemed so empty. Suddenly she felt empty herself, but the mere knowledge that she would fall asleep next to her again was a comforting thought. It was a first time in her life she herself could just ease herself into things without being pressured and enjoyed every minute of it. She began to realize that she was completely falling for Alex, and even though she hasn't verbalized it yet as it seemed too soon, there was no mistake that's how she felt. Her every thought was about her and she was the first thing in her mind in the morning and the last before going to sleep. She realized that she missed her hands on her as soon as they would move and that not having her around was hurting. She also realized that just thinking about losing this was making her feel physically ill. Not only did she think Alex was the most beautiful woman she's ever seen, it was the way Alex was making her feel. It was like finding yourself in your perfect place of happiness that you never wanted to leave.
Alex had a rough day at work and was struggling to get through it. A baby she just delivered nearly died and it left her shaken to the core. No matter how many years have passed since she started her career, it will never be something she will get used to. She desperately wanted to call Yaz, but she also knew that this was one topic she couldn't discuss with her because Yaz was already so scared for her sister and her child that the last thing she wanted was to add to it.
She sat on a wall for her lunch break scrolling through recipes with cheese which made her happy as it was so silly. How does one turn cheese into romantic dinner date was a true challenge. She opted for Bombay chili cheese toasties with rostered chicken breast in a nice creamy sauce. She wasn't the best in the kitchen but this seemed simple enough to make that she could probably manage. It also made it less formal as they could just sit on a sofa which is what she wanted. She was looking forward to this night, she felt more relaxed and Yaz made her feel safe, which was something she had never felt before as this part of a relationship was always something she dreaded and never something she got to enjoy. But Yaz seemed different, gentle and understanding. As she finally finished her shift she rushed to the store and gave her mum a quick call whilst shopping
"Mum hey it's me"
"Hey baby, how are you?"
"Exhausted...I almost lost a baby today...it scared the shit out of me mum"
"Jesus...what happened?"
"The lady went into labor at home so by the time she got to the hospital baby was oxygen deprived. Didn't breathe when it came out"
"I don't know how you do what you do without popping a vain Alex"
"It's not easy mum...but I'm helping people...in the end it's all worth it"
"How's it going with your girl?"
"I wish you could se my grin now" she laughed and popped a packet of chicken in a trolley "She's really something mum and its so fast but it feels right"
"It is fast...but then your father and me took it slow and look where it got me....I'm happy for you Alex...I really hope this turns to something"
She sighed deeply "You and me both...she makes me feel so different. She makes me feel wanted and beautiful"
"You are beautiful"
She laughed "I am to you mum, that don't count...you'd think I'm beautiful even if I had tentacles and fathers growing out of my ass" she giggled
"But you don't so that don't count either...Oh, your sister has a new bloke...I don't like him"
"Why? He has tentacles?"
"No, I wish he did...but he drinks a lot and you know me and a drink. She dragged him out of the Sunday dinner and I wasn't impressed. Then you know me...I say what's on my mind so we had an argument...she's sulking at the moment"
"Mum, Anna always finds some idiot on a rebound and then it lasts for a week and she's back on her own...you should learn by now"
"You are coming for Jamie's birthday?"
"Yes of course I'm coming...wouldn't miss it for a world and I can't wait to see you all. I miss you"
"We miss you too...so much"
"Alright...I have to go now. Yaz is coming over this evening I'm making a dinner"
"So I spent all this time on a phone with you and you didn't tell me that?"
"Well, I don't need to tell you everything do I"
"Yes you do...I'm a lonely old hag who needs to know everything"
Alex laughed leaning on a trolley as she rolled it towards the till "I'm making a lovely romantic cheese dinner and she's staying over...I have to go now"
"Don't you dare hang up on me now missy"
"Bye mum....love ya" she laughed and hang up the phone still laughing as she came to the till
….
Yaz was packing her little bag with essentials. She also got a nice box of chocolates for Alex that was beautifully wrapped and had a little card attached to it and since neither of them two drank alcohol she bought organic orange juice and stuck a big bow on it for a laugh.
Alex was finishing with food. She played a loud music whilst cooking and sang into a wooden spoon. She was still stuck in 90s when it came to music so "Sweet child O mine" was echoing all the way down to the ground floor of the building and she could only be grateful that her neighbors obviously shared her music taste. Yaz laughed as she was climbing the stairs as this wasn't what she expected from Alex at all. Somehow Guns N' Roses didn't go with suits and blouses but her girlfriend was obviously full of surprises on many different levels. As soon as she rang the doorbell Alex opened with a massive smile and whipped her inside dropping her bag on a floor and grabbed her swinging her across the apartment singing making her laugh like crazy. She put on quite a show for her as well as sang her lines that Yaz couldn't help but feel were like she was baring her soul...
She's got a smile that it seems to me
Reminds me of childhood memories
Where everything was as fresh as the bright blue sky
Now and then when I see her face
She takes me away to that special place
And if I stared too long I'd probably break down and cry
Alex grabbed her waist and lifted her on a kitchen top continuing to sing to her making her giggle as she was well into it
Whoa-oh-oh! Sweet child o' mine
Whoa, oh-oh-oh! Sweet love of mine.... Alex screamed from the top of her voice as Yaz positively died laughing
She's got eyes of the darkest skies
As if they thought of rain
I hate to look into those eyes and see an ounce of pain
Her hair reminds me of a warm, safe place
Where as a child I'd hide
And pray for the thunder and the rain to quietly pass me by...
She stepped between her legs and brushed a thumb over her face surprising her with kiss that was so passionate it made Yaz's head spin. She fell into her wrapping her legs around her and arms around her shoulders as the music continued playing around them.
"Hello gorgeous" she smiled into her lips
"Fuck girl...that's some welcome" Yaz smiled "Hello beautiful" she stroke her face "Something smells nice"
"Food's done" she smiled
"What did you make?..." Alex wrapped her arms around her and pulled her of the kitchen top then turned the music to something more mellow
"This..." she opened the oven and took a tray out popping it on a kitchen top
"OMFG...is that Bombay chili cheese toasties?" she jumped up exited
"Yap...and chicken with a creamy sauce" she said proudly
"Waaaaw...I'm so hungry now...oh oh...wait" Yaz ran to the hallway "I got something" she yelled "But you snatched me from the door" she ran back to the living room "Here" she smiled giving her chocolates "and this" she laughed pulling out the juice with a bow
"You got me present" Alex said touched
"Babe just chocolates"
"But you got me present" she said pouting her lips
"I'll give you one every day just to see this cute face" Yaz smiled and placed a short kiss on her lips
"Thank you" Alex said placing chocolates on a kitchen top "Let's eat before it gets cold"
"Can I just change?" Yaz asked "I just wanna be comfy"
"Yeah sure...go ahead...I'll put the food on plates...oh...bedroom is second on a right down the hallway
"Waaaw you have a hallway" she laughed
"I have two if that makes you happy" she giggled
Alex's apartment seemed huge compared to Yaz's and she was right, it was all in badge. It also looked practically sterile compared to Yaz's with everything neatly put away. On the hallway walls were beautiful black and white photos of couples and children that Yaz assumed were all members of her family. She peered through the open door to Alex's study and saw a large desk against the window and one of those massive leather office chairs. The wall was covered with framed diplomas and other things Yaz didn't understand. She opened the bedroom door and entered a large room with windows across the wall covered with bright silk curtains. The kind of silk that her nanny's best salwar kameez were made of. Floor to ceiling inbuilt wardrobe on one side and a bed on the other. Neatly covered with the bed throw that was folded at the top like do in the hotels with several pillows equally neatly stacked up against the headboard. Everything was so immaculate that it seemed intimidating and it was the complete opposite of Yaz's apartment where she was literally tripping over things stacked in the corners due to the lack of space. For a moment she got confused as to where to put the bag so just put it on the floor and started to get changed.
A knock on a door almost made her jump
"Can I come in?"
"Yes of course" Yaz replied as she just put the light summer top on with just thin straps over her shoulders
"Hey...you alright?"
"Yeah...just done"
"Why is your stuff on a floor?"
"Didn't want to mess up the bed"
"Yaaaaz...omg..." she grabbed all her stuff dumping it on the bed
"Well, everything is like in some hotel"
"Yes...because I have no friends or social life so I have nothing better to do then to keep cleaning it...It's positively pathetic Yaz" she said opening the wardrobe and grabbing loads of clothes from one shelf moving it to the next one "Here...please put your stuff here like a normal person...I don't want my OCD to make you feel like you wanna jump out of your skin"
"Alright .." she laughed
"I much more prefer your apartment...it looks alive...it has a soul"
"Don't say that...are those you family photos in a hallway?"
"Yes...I take photos of them all the time...I like to see how they change and children grow...it's like my time line"
"You took those?" She asked surprised as she was putting her stuff on a shelf
"Yeah...it's like a hobby"
"Fuck...I thought those were professionally made...you're good"
"I used to do it a lot when I was younger. Now not that much...here...C'mere" she dragged her by the hand to the bathroom "put all your stuff here"
"I only have this" she lifted one small bag of toiletries
"Good" Alex grabbed it of her hand and left it on a sink "Now come on...let's eat"
"Yes ma'am" Yaz giggled as Alex practically pushed her out of the room and dragged her back to the living room
"I thought we sit there on sofa...I'm not much for formal dining" she scrunched her face taking the tray
"Fine with me..." Yaz said taking the rest of the stuff and placed it on a coffee table
They both ended up sitting on a floor and enjoying in the food. Alex dimmed the lights and lid some candles which with time filled the room with the smell of sandalwood and mint.
"Did you like the dinner?"
"C'mere" Yaz tugged her hand amd pulled her to rest her head in her lap as she leaned against the sofa "It was perfect" she said stroking her hair gently "Thank you"
"Can I ask you something?" Alex ask looking up at her
"Yes of course"
"Why you never found anyone?"
"I'm shit in picking people...I go from zero to a hounded and become dumb as shit" she laughed "I get attached and fall in love but I'm on one place and that person on the other"
"You mean they don't feel the same?"
"Yes...for them it's just casual sex or they move on when they get board...when it's not exiting anymore"
Alex took her hand and kissed her fingertips "Your worth so much more"
"I'm glad you think that" she giggled but there was a bitter taste in her mouth thinking about her past
"So between zero and a hundred...where are you now?" Alex asked playing with her fingers
Yaz looked down at Alex's eyes for a long moment and sighed "Thousand...I'm so into you it feels hard to breathe" she took a long pause before saying the rest "And you?"
"That scale hasn't been invented yet" Alex said and brushed her fingers over her lips "And it's scaring me"
"What is?"
"To be that vulnerable...to be hurt because I don't think I could take more bashing"
"I won't hurt you...I would chop my arm off before doing that...And I don't change my mind or run"
"Yaz"
"Mmmm?"
"I need tell you something"
"What beautiful" she stroke her hair and watched as eyes closed, and it was beautiful in so many ways that Yaz wanted to memories every expression on her face and remember it for the rest of her life. Her eyes opened again and she looked up at her
"I never...you know..."
"I know" Yaz said brushing her thumb over her forehead
"You do?" she frowned and Yaz went over the little wrinkles with her fingertip
"It doesn't take a genius to figure it out after last night...But I wanted you to say it so I'm sure...it's alright"
"It's pathetic"
"Don't say that...don't"
"I knew when I made this decision I wasn't doing it to find someone...I was doing it to express on the outside what I felt from the inside. But it makes things harder Yaz. Not everyone is accepting and just because they don't mind you, doesn't mean they want to date you. And that's ok. I even said to myself I may never find anyone...not that I didn't want to...because I did...but I was very honest with myself in that....still it does feel pathetic that you failed at something so mundane"
"Hey...want me tell you secret?"
"Mmmm" she nodded
"You haven't failed...I'm your catch"
Alex giggled "You are?" she reached for Yaz face and she took her hand kissing her fingers
"In fact I'm fucking desperate to date you"
Alex burst out laughing "Desperation is mutual"
"You're desperate to date yourself?"
"Noooo silly" she laughed "I'm desperate to date you"
"Aaaaa...got her to say it" she laughed "Well if it makes you feel better your a killer kisser"
Alex laughed like crazy covering her face with hands embarrassed
"I love you" Yaz said shortly and choked on the words that simply rolled out of her mouth without control then petrified watched Alex go still and moving her hands from her face. Her chin wobbled as she looked up to her
"I love you too Yaz" she whispered "Are we on drugs?"
They both started laughing
"If we are I never wanna come of this high" Yaz laughed and both fell silent
"Yaz"
"Mmmm"
"Kiss me"
Yaz moved and laid next to her resting herself on her elbow hovering above her and brought her other hand to her cheek brushing her finger over. "You know, you really are so beautiful" she said leaning over and kissing her slow and gentle. She felt Alex's fingers wrapping at the back of her neck pulling her in deepening the kiss. Then took her hand and and guided it to her breast.
"You want me to?"
"Mmm...Just there" she said into her lips
"I don't wanna fuck this up" Yaz said kissing her nose
Alex smiled "You won't" she said breathless kissing her again guiding her hand over her chest then leaving it there bringing her hand back to the nape of Yaz's neck. She arched her back with every move she made, small whimpers escaping her lips as she kissed her harder and more passionate stroking the silky skin of Yaz's bare shoulders and arm.
Yaz ascended, she thought she has died and gone to heaven as he fingers explored the gentle curves of Alex's breast through the thin cotton of her baggy top and passed over the slight curve of her waist. She felt her ribs underneath her fingertips and her chest rising as her breathing quickened and felt her draping her leg over her sides wrapping herself around her thighs. It was a kiss that never ended. The one that just melted in a chain of different ones parting only the slightest to catch a breath and Yaz was loosing it, getting lost in her. Alex gripped her forearm and went still in her arms braking the kiss with an open sight and buried her face into Yaz's neck hiding herself there.
Yaz was confused at first then the information finally found her brain. "Baby" she said kissing her head "Did you just..."
"Mmmm" she nodded sheepishly into her neck hiding her face
"Waaaw" she placed a long kiss to her head and wrapped her arms around her holding her tight "That was beautiful"
Alex buried herself deeper into her neck then pulled her over wrapping her legs around her. They ley like that in silence for a while listening to each other's breathing and a quiet music falling asleep on a soft carpet on floor.
Yaz's phone rang shaking them both out of their sleep
"OMG we fell asleep on a floor" Alex said reaching for Yaz's phone that was on a table
"Shit...It's my mum" she looked at Alex worried
"Yes...mum...what's wrong?"
"Hey hun...it's time we are on a way to the hospital"
"OMFG...alright...wait...shit...give me minute I'll be there ASAP"
"It's alright sweetheart...I'm sure it won't be now this second"
"Alright see ya" she hang up freaking out
"The baby?" Alex said with a massive smile, her face still sleepy
"Mmm..." Yaz nodded
"She's gonna be fine" Alex placed her hand on a side of neck stroking the her thumb over it"
"Alex can you go with me...please"
"Yes yes...absolutely if you want me there"
"I do"
"Alright...let me quickly get dressed I'll drive you"
"Alright"
Alex rushed into the shower getting ready as fast as she could and Yaz was frantically getting changed
"Oh...god...sorry" Alex walked out of the bathroom seeing Yaz without a top on and turned around
"Chill out...you're gonna see them anyway...and I really don't fucking care right now...it's ok you can turn around...I'm done"
"Me too...let's go" she grabbed her hand and they rushed out of the apartment
Alex stroke her face with her knuckles as they drove "It's alright Yaz ...just a baby"
"I know...huh" she puffed stressed "Thanks for coming"
"Don't be silly...of course"
They arrived at the hospital and Alex reached for Yaz's hand as the got out of the car. As they came to the elevator Yaz leaned her head on her shoulder
"It's alright...my colleague is a fantastic doctor...she's in safe hands" she said kissing the side of her head
"Daaad.." Yaz called him out as they walked out into the hallway
"Hey sweetheart"
"Hi.." she leaned over kissing his cheek
"Is mum inside?"
"Yes...she's being checked out we still don't know anything"
"Alright" she said with a sigh "Dad...this is Alex, Alex this is my dad...Alex is my girlfriend.."
"Oh, nice to meet to Alex girlfriend...I'm Hakim"
"My pleasure" she shook his hand"
"Alex is OBGYN here in a hospital"
"That's why your face is familiar...I bumped into you last time I was here...nocked all your paperwork on a floor"
"Aaaaaa ...yes...so you have" she jumped surprised "I remember...actually it was me smacking into you. I was rushing looking at my phone...didn't see you around the corner"
The door opened up and Nadjia came out.
"Mum! What's going on?"
"She's gonna have a caesarean section"
"Whaaaa?"
"It's alright baby..." Nadjia stroke her face "They will prepare her now so I'm gonna have go back inside"..
"What? Why?.." Yaz asked freaking out
"Is there a problem?" Hakim asked
"The umbilical cord is wrapped around"
"OMG..." Yaz covered her face with her hands
"Yaz...it's alright" Alex took her by the shoulders "It's the safest thing for her and the baby...she will be awake and see her baby straight away"
"Mmmmmm....fuck....aaaarrh...Mum Alex my doctor girlfriend...Alex my mum"
"Oh Alex...nice to meet you finally" she smiled
"Nice to meet you too...You should go inside and prep" Alex said
"Oh...yes of course...Well, see you all when the baby comes" Nadjia waived
They waited for a long time. Hakim went to get a drink leaving Alex and Yaz alone. She slumped her face on Alex's chest. Gentle stroking of Alex's fingers at the back of neck was calming her down. She held the waistband of the trousers the whole time keeping herself sturdy as her knees were bucking from stress and the whole idea of cutting the stomach open was making her queasy.
"Hey...any news?" Hakim came back with drinks passing it to Alex
"No...nothing yet" Yaz said turning around taking her drink and slipping her arm around Alex's waist still supporting her shaking legs
"Yaz...wanna sit down?" Alex asked
"Mmmm" she nodded
"It's the operation...she's not good with blood" Hakim explained "You should sit hun...don't you worry...your sister is probably arguing with everyone now"
Yaz giggled sitting down "You're probably right"
"Of course I am...I'm more worried about the stuff then her"
Alex and Yaz laughed
"James" Alex called out as the doors opened up
"Alex? I thought you had a morning shift?"
"I did...I'm here with my girlfriend...her sister is your patient...having baby now?"
"Hi...Yasmin Khan...my dad Hakim" Yaz got up stepping forward
"Sonya...oh she just had it" he smiled "Heathy baby boy...they are both fine
Yaz smiled and Hakim jumped exited grabbing Yaz around the waist swinging her around
"Congratulations" the doctor said smiling "You can see her soon"
"Thanks James" Alex smiled as Yaz flew into her chest hugging her
"No problem...oh...you're on call tomorrow...well today" he looked at his watch
"Yeah"
"Alright I'm gonna leave you everything with Janet"
"Deal" Alex smiled and then shifted her attention to Hakim
"Congratulations...you're a grandad" she smiled
"I am...I'm a bloody grandad" he smiled "Lunch tomorrow...our place...we need to celebrate"
"Alright...thank you.. I'd love that....I love family celebrations"
Yaz looked up to her smiling
"See...told you everything's gonna be ok" Alex pressed her to her chest running fingers through her hair
Door opened up and Nadjia peaked through the door "Hey all of you...wanna see?"
"OMFG can we?" Yaz jumped
"Aha...he's so beautiful"
Yaz looked at Alex and she kissed the top of her head "You go ahead...this is family thing...I'll be here"
"Alright" Yaz smiled exited and went inside
Alex was sitting on one of the chairs with her hands on her knees cracking her knuckles. She wondered if she would ever experience this moment herself. Is this her destiny or not. It would be as if all dreams had come true and she would feel like the single most blessed person in the universe. But it was a secret wish, one that she almost didn't dare to wish for because being disappointed would hurt too much. But a tiny little grain of hope couldn't help but spark somewhere deep inside her.
….
They came back to the apartment tiered and exhausted but happy changing back to their pajamas.
"You know what's the good thing?" Alex said getting into bed
"What?"
"I work nigh shift so we can have a lie in iff you don't need to rush"
"I don't" she smiled "Just asked my mum to feed the cat tomorrow morning...she's passing next to my apartment going shopping anyway"
"Wanna cuddle?" Yaz asked
"Oh yeah" Alex crawled into her arms wrapping arms around her and rested her head on Yaz's chest
"Yaz" she said after some silence
"Mmmmm?"
"That was really nice...you know...earlier"
"I'm glad you feel that...cause that was the most beautiful thing I ever saw...apart from that baby...sorry"
Alex laughed rubbing her face into her chest "I should hope so Yaz"
"Will you come to my parents for lunch tomorrow?"
Alex looked up to her with a massive grin then rested her head back on her "Also...it's my nephew's third birthday this weekend so I have to go and see my family"
"Oh" Yaz said disappointed feeling her hart sink. But it was life and she couldn't act like a possessive crazy girlfriend
"Wanna go with me?"
"Whaaa? Are you for fucking real?" she lifted her chin with a finger
"I'm very much for real" she smiled "I want you to meet my family...and I want them to meet you"
"I'd love to do"
"Goodie" she snuggled back wiggling then looked up again at Yaz and wiggled pressing a kiss to her lips
"Night baby" Yaz said running her hand gently down her back
"Night gorgeous" Alex pressed her lips between her breasts