Chapter 13
It was a Sunday afternoon, and the summer sun was breaking through the drawn curtains of their bedroom, illuminating only one ray above the bed in the dark room. Despite the August heat outside, the bedroom was cozy and fresh with the curtains drawn over the window since noon.
Alex's eyes closed, and she intertwined her fingers with Yaz's on her chest moaning softly and rolling her hips slowly feeling her every movement inside her as she touched the parts of her that set her soul on fire and left her gasping for air. Her soft skin pressed against her back and hot breath on the back of her neck made her shiver as her lips kissed every part of her, they could reach, and Alex bent to their touch. They trailed down the curve of her neck and over her shoulder as she rolled her eyes to the back of her head and saw the stars. She turned her head kissing Yaz breathless with heavy eyes half open running her fingers through her thick hair that tickled as curls fell over her shoulders.
"I adore you" Yaz whispered in her ear kissing her flushed cheek and brought her lips to hers once again. Alex whimpered into them as she sank deeper into the sheets.
"More" she looked at her with blurry eyes "Gimme more Yazee" Alex breathed out pressing herself against her grabbing the back of her head kissing her harder
"Fall apart for me baby" Yaz said softly and ran a finger over her soft bottom lip smiling as Alex took it into her mouth and slid her hand between her thighs making herself go. She watched as her mouth fell open in a wordless gasp as the fire burnt behind her eyes with her fingers digging into skin and she went still in her arms exhaling a loud moan.
Yaz trailed kisses down her hot back and pulled the sheet over her shoulders.
"I love you so so much my Yazee" she said breathlessly and kissed her knuckles then turned in her arms with a dazed up smile. Her hair glued to the side of her face and cheeks still blushed she kissed her lazily and slipped her arm around her waist dotting tiny kisses all over her face
"Love you too" Yaz smiled "You look so beautiful when you come"
Alex smiled with closed eyes "You too" she pulled her in by the waist "I still get fascinated by that" she opened her hazel eyes and gazed at her deeply mapping Yaz's face with her
fingertip gently
"What's the look for?" Yaz smiled and kissed her finger
"Just happy" she smiled dreamy closing her eyes desperately trying to keep awake as two sleepless nights were catching up with her
"Sleep darling...you're tiered"
"Mmmmmm...I want your name" said drifting away
"Whaaat baby?" Yaz kissed her finger and chuckled as Alex mumbled like she was all drugged up
"Mmmmm" she murmured and fell asleep leaving Yaz giggling confused
.....
Later in the early Sunday evening, while Yaz was finishing up some work in the study, Alex opened the closet taking out a box and placed it on the bed, then carefully cut the tape and removed all the packaging throwing it on the floor enjoying the white box with gold lettering across the lid. She opened it with a sigh and ran fingers over the fabric and the satin bow tied across. She slowly removed her clothes and stood beside the bed with only a small pair of cotton underwear on and took a deep breath before she shyly slipped into the dress and pulled the tiny straps over her bare shoulders then zipped up the side.
She fell silent for a minute feeling the silky fabric draping over her bare skin and ran her hand over her stomach as petals of the tiny flowers sifted between her fingers. She was afraid to turn around and felt her heart pounding as her emotions ran wild between excitement and anxiety driving tears to the corners of her eyes as panic was slowly but surely settling itself inside her. Be brave Alex, she told herself and in one breath she turned around.
She stood in silence in the middle of the room as the last rays of the sun broke through the window and fell on the fabric enjoying all its beauty. She looked back at her battered, tortured, and exhausted body that had been through so much and flashed back to another Sunday afternoon when the 17-year-old teenager stood in front of the mirror in his bedroom in his underwear hating every inch of himself he saw. When the pain was so unbearable, he wanted to rip open his skin and slide it to the floor like the clothes he had discarded minutes before and when the shame of what he felt was as heavy as the chains of the ships anchor dragging him into the abyss of endless torture that his brain inflicted on him mercilessly every minute of the day. Alex felt tears rolling down her face and her breath got caught in the back of her throat as for the first time in her life she truly loved the reflection she saw and for the first time felt that 17 year old teenager was truly gone.
Yaz stood by the door in silence for over five minutes, gazing at Alex shining like the stars in the sky. "You take my breath away" she said quietly and Alex jolted turning around
"Yazee" she exhaled and covered her face with her hands
"C'mere baby" she walked up to her and Alex fell into her arms "It's alright baby...you look amazing...god you look so stunning...Don't cry darling"
"It's so beautiful" she said as her tears rolled down Yaz's bare shoulders and her fist clenched Yaz's top shaking like the branch
Yaz pulled her away and cupped her face between her palms "Nooo baby....you are"
She smiled through her tears "You're not supposed to see me"
"Fuck that" she said and kissed her softly then took her hands into hers "Soo...are you keeping it?"
"Yeeees" she smiled nodding through tears
"Then take it off before you get mascara on it you silly goof" she smiled wiping her face
....
Another week flew by and now the holiday seemed so far away as every day life slowly took over. Alex rolled the trolley through the supermarket putting the last bits inside. She was excited to see Annie for the whole weekend and share all the stuff she missed sharing with her sister.
"Yazee I'm done... I think I have evening" she said on the phone
"Alright I just need to get the shampoo and I'll meet you on a till"
"Alright babe"
She stood by the till when she saw Yaz approaching with a massive smile
"What's that grin for?" she giggled
"Look into the trolley"
"Aaaaaaaa....nooo way....is this for me?" she took the box with sterilization machine for the baby bottles
"Yap...I thought I get it so Sonya doesn't need to carry it backwards and forwards all the time and I knew you'd go gaga over it"
"I am...I am Yaz...thank youuuuuu" she kissed her cheek happily "Aaaand look what I got" she wiped out the baby feeding set out "It's vegan...see bamboo...Isn't that beautiful?"
Yaz laughed "Alex darling he doesn't need this until he's 4 months old silly"
"Well, I'll just keep it then...he'll get there Yaz"
Yaz just laughed shaking her head. Alex's obsession with the baby was taking a life on its own but it was making her happy, so she just went with it. They walked out of the store and were putting stuff in the car when Yaz herd someone call her name.
"Yaz"
"Ivy?" she turned around and frowned surprised
"Yeah, go figure...Listen I want my stuff back"
Alex stood by the car confused
"Ivyyyy ley off...you got your stuff back" Yaz turned back towards the booth and put the last bag inside
"No...I didn't...I want my games"
"What are you talking about?" Yaz turned towards her confused
"Listen cunt...I had enough of this shit...I want my fucking games back"
"Whaaaa!" Yaz jumped
"Woooow...you can't speak to her like that" Alex stepped in horrified
"And who the fuck are you? Stay out of this" she pushed Alex away so she can get to Yaz
"I'm her wife is who I am and you're not gonna speak to her like that" Alex was talking over Yaz's shoulder
"What's your fucking problem?" Yaz raised her voice "What fucking games...what are you talking about?...I gave you everything back...What are you playing at?...You know what...this stops right now...Come on Alex let's go"
She closed the booth and they both headed for the door when the woman suddenly grabbed Yaz by her jacket and slammed her against the car so hard that Yaz gasped as the air was forced out of her lungs
"Listen bitch..."
"Wooooow....woooow...." Alex's eyes grew wide and she ran around the car "Oi!...That's enough now...let her go!"
"Cunt off" she yelled at Alex pushing her and smashed Yaz against the car again.
Alex lost it by this point and grabbed her by the hoodie yanking her off Yaz so hard she lost her balance and fell on the floor while Yaz was gasping for air.
"Are you OK?" Alex asked Yaz worriedly and she nodded "Let's get out of here" she opened the car door for Yaz and turned around, but as soon as she got around the car, the woman lunged at Alex again wanting to hit her in the face.
"Jesus!" Alex managed to grab her hand in midair, twisting her wrist back making her scream in pain and pushing her to her knees. "That's enough now!" she raised her voice as she could feel her blood pressure hit the ceiling "Are we done?"
"Aleeeex??? WTF?" Yaz got out of the car again shocked as her ex was squealing in pain
"Alright...alright..aaaaaa...you're gonna brake my hand bitch"
"No I'm not, take a deep breath and I'll let go..."
"Fine fine....fuck"
She let her go and women rubbed her hand in pain "Fuck you"
"Let's go Yaz...get in a car" Alex gave her one last look and pointed her finger "And you....stay...And go see someone...You have some serious anger issues to deal with" she turned around and stormed to the car slamming the door pissed off
They sat in the car and as Alex was pulling away something hit the back of the car and they both turned around seeing milk dripping down the back window
"Wanker!" the women screamed from the parking lot
"Jesus" Alex floored it so fast that the tires screeched on the asphalt and drove off "What the hell was that?" Alex turned towards Yaz still shaken and completely shocked "Are you alright?"
"What was that? " Yaz frowned "That was my psycho ex....But what was that kung fu panda you just did there?"
"Self-defense classes Yaz" she turned shortly with a smile
"Fucking shit girl"
"I didn't harm her"
Yaz just laughed like crazy "That was some serious Jackie Chan Alex"
They both laughed like crazy
"My mum made me go, being who I am. She was worried someone might hurt me"
"I'd pay some serious money to see that again" Yaz laughed like crazy "Hu! ha!....weeeee" she was making moves with her hands making Alex laugh
"Well ...I think we need to go to car wash" Alex looked into the rearview mirror at the back window covered in milk
"What a nut job...Jesus...I think we should start ordering in our groceries" Yaz laughed "WTF is with us two and stores"
"It's crazy" Alex turned shortly with a smile "Are you alright?...She really smashed you against the car"
"Yeah I couldn't take a breathe...but I'm fine...Although I think your mirror is fucked" she looked on the side and it was hanging a bit "How the fuck did you pull her off me like that?"
"I was a man Yaz...I'm stronger" she looked at her "And I saw red" she laughed
"You don't look it"
"Maybe...but I am" she smiled and brushed her knuckles over Yaz's cheek "Love ya"
They put the car in a wash and sat down for a coffee.
"Here we go" Alex was carrying the cups "Here..." she wiggled her hip "Pocket"
Yaz reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out a Mars bar "Aaaaaawwww thanks babe"
"I thought that's gonna make you happy after that" she sat down and leaned into the chair "Well, interesting day" she smiled
"Seriously I still can't believe that move" Yaz laughed
"I never had to do that in my life Yaz...I never thought I would have to"
"Show me" she put her hand on the table
"Hold your Mars bar...there see you press here and it hits the nerve so now you can't hold it no more...Sooo if someone has a knife or anything they will drop it...and if I turn it like this"
"Aaaaa" Yaz twisted herself laughing
"I'm not gonna hurt you but see...it forces you body to twist so eventually you will go to the floor like she did" she let go of her hand and kissed her knuckles "Basically you don't need to be strong Yaz...you just need to know how to do it and a 12 year old can take down a grown man"
"Waaaaw...when did you learn that?"
"Well...when I came out and started this whole thing my mum sat me down and said there's people out there who would hurt me just for being who I am...You know...for the fun of it, just because they can...And that she's worried about me walking home late alone...Soooo..she legit made me go"
"Smart lady.."
"She is right...People get hurt all the time...anyway...I think the car is done soon.." she looked over Yaz's shoulder
"Thank god she didn't brake the window"
"Yaz...was she violent like that when you were with her?"
"She always had a temper and she was always getting into shit...all the time...like when were out...Her fuse is really short and she's really gobby...But she was never physically violent with me like that...I was in shock...And I really don't understand what the fuck is she talking about...What games"
"I wouldn't worry Yaz...you gave her everything...we didn't throw anything away when we packed your apartment. But if this happens again Yazee you will have to call the police"
"I know...this is exactly what my mum was worried about...She always said she was trouble...and I told you she started acting weird when we broke up"
"It's alright Yaz...she doesn't know where you live now and you changed your phone number"
"And all my social media accounts as well...it's all locked now"
"But just don't get into verbal conflict like that Yaz...It just sets people off...next time just call the police...Why you think I ignored my dad...same thing...it can get really nasty really fast"
"I knoooow...that was just fucking circus"
....
As soon as they came home Alex took the sterilizing machine out and found a special place for it on the kitchen top. Then took photos of it and sent it to Sonya. She already had it arranged for the baby to come the next day making Yaz laughed as she couldn't help but think they're going to have him over each Saturday.
"Alex" Yaz came into the living room dragging her feet
"What's wrong? Are you alright?" She turned worried
"Nooo...I've got period cramps" she came over and rubbed her face into Alex's chest
"Oh nooo...I'm so sorry baby" Alex wrapped her arms around her "Lie down...I'll open the sofa"
"Would you be upset with me if I stayed home?"
"Nooo...of course I wouldn't...We spoke about this million times Yazee...Stay home, watch a movie, sleep...I'll make you some tea" she kissed her forehead
"I'm so sorry"
"Don't be silly...Annie is here till Sunday...you still have time to see her...I can bring some nice food for you?" She grinned
"Yeeeees...Cakes...I won't be hungry, but I do have my cravings when I'm on"
"Alright darling" she kissed her forehead
....
Alex was waiting by the restaurant going through her phone. She was arranging everything with Sonya for the babysitting tomorrow exited to have Prem again.
"Where's my girl" Annie shouted and Alex looked up with a massive smile
"Annie!!!" she yelled and ran towards her throwing herself at her
"Aaaarrrrhhhhhh...." Annie squeezed her tightly "Look at you all beaming...I can tell you're in love" she giggled
"What is it...writing across my forehead or something?" she pulled away smiling
"You're shining Alex" she smiled "And you look so pretty"
"Neah" she scrunched her face then smiled hooking her arm with her as they walked into the restaurant
"Soo...what's new?"
"Loads" Alex said
"How was the holiday? I bet you had a fantastic time"
"We did...sorry I didn't call much....I was just…"
"Busy having a greatest time of your life...I get it...don't worry" she waived her hand and poured them some drinks
"Ooooh it was just so nice Annie…all of it...I can't believe this is my life"
"And and...didn't I say she might be the one"
"You diiid...you really did...Didn't believe you then"
"I'm so happy for you...So mum tells me you're getting married second weekend in September?"
"Yes...we picked everything, organized most of it...We just sent all the paperwork today and we just need to get the rings...that's all...Oh and mum and Nadjia are sorting out the menu cause we kinda all eat a bit different so we wanna make everyone happy...Also there's gonna be some of the Pakistani traditional cakes….and they are killer cakes"
"Sounds fantastic...my god...Music?"
"Just a DJ...it's easier…then people can just ask for songs"
"Smart...and and and...the dress!!!....Come ooooon...Mum knows everything I'm jealous"
"Well...if I tell mum then she tells you all lot and job done" Alex laughed
"True...dress...pleaseee...can I see it?"
"Yes of course you can...I'll show you tomorrow when you come over...I lost it when I saw it"
"I can believe you did...Tell me honey...how does it feel?" she reached over the table and laced their fingers together
"It's....dunno..." she shook her head "To see myself like that Annie...after everything I've been through..."
"I know baby" she brushed her finger over the side of her hand
"It felt like I've completed my journey...That's how...It's the only way I can put it into words...I know it's different for everyone...But for me that was always my end game...Something that was so farfetched I never even dared to wish for...But now...to have that…I feel like I have myself the way I always wanted...And its…mind-blowing..."
"You never stopped fighting Alex...and you never gave up"
"Oh you know I have" she leaned back in a chair
"You tried...but then in the end you raised your head high and continued...And look at you now"
"I know....in a wedding dress" she shook her head laughing and covered her face with hands as her cheeks blushed
“Aaaaaannnd?
“And what? Alex smiled silly.
“Oh, come on…tell your sister…you know what I wanna know…”
“Stooop” Alex giggled embarrassed.
“Pleaseee…come on…tell mee…You always told me everything. I know all your dirty secrets” she laughed “I’ve been waiting for this as long as you did so you better say it girl.”
“It’s beautiful…Soooo soo beautiful…Like finding a part of me I never knew was there…. And you know I felt sick just thinking about it before…. And I’m gonna fucking cry now” she smiled.
“Awwwww…plop…” she smiled “I’m so fucking happy for you Alex”
"What about you...? Mum told me you got a new job...and she said you're finally happy with your new bloke?"
"I am... it’s all coming together at least in that department…Job is great, and he is just wonderful...But there's a reason why I'm here Alex"
"Whaaa? Why that look Annie you're freaking me out"
"It's Ruby...I didn't wanna spoil your holiday"
"What about Ruby? What's going on?" Alex's eyes grew wide from worry
"She's been diagnosed with diabetes"
"Oh shit" Alex slumped in the chair “Come oooon”
"We came here to see the specialist in the children's hospital"
"Who? ...Can I go with you? Look I can talk to people I know...make some calls..."
"It's alright Alex...I'd love you to go with us but it's Monday early morning she's having her blood test....You're working"
"Noooo....Not now I'm not...I'll call in today and change my shift or call in sick or something I'm going with you"
"Ok...please that would mean a lot to me...I'm freaking out sis"
"Look ..it's not good ..I'm not gonna lie...it's life time progressive condition. Buuuut.. we are really and I mean really good in managing it today...This isn't like when granny had it Annie...nothing like that"
"But she's gonna be so restricted Alex" her eyes filled with tears
"She will, in many ways she will...I'm not gonna sugar coated it...Buuut it's so much easier today than it used to be...It is manageable...In saying that I need to contact the cake store"
"Nooo Alex...don't I…."
"Hey...they can add the top floor just for her...I'm not having her not eating my cake when everyone else is"
"I love you"
"I love you too" she grabbed her hands across the table "And I'm here.. for whatever you need ok?"
"You always were"
"C'mere" she got up and walked around the table hugging her tight
"She's only seven for fuck sake"
"I know honey...Can you send me the results I'd like to look at them"
"Sure I'll email it to you as soon as I come in...Come on...let's order some food I'm starving" she smiled and wiped her tears
....
Alex arrived late to find the television on in the dark living room. Yaz was sleeping with all the cats spread out on the bed who got up as soon as they saw Alex and gathered in the kitchen begging for food. She turned on just a small light above the kitchen counter and tapped around trying not to make too much noise, then after putting the brownies in the fridge and feeding the cats she went into the study to check her email.
She sat in the dark and wondered how her sister must be feeling when she herself felt like crap ever since she heard the news. She spent another hour looking for cake recipes and found a good one and immediately emailed it to the cake shop. She showered and crawled into bed wrapping her arm around Yaz and burying her face in her neck kissing her gently.
....