Alex carried the last remaining box to the front door of their apartment and turned to take one last look. Memories flooded her of the first time she walked through these doors alone, scared, and uneasy about the future, and the day she saw the most beautiful, kindest, loving woman she'd ever met, their first awkward kiss, and nights on the sofa, the sound of footsteps behind her on Sunday mornings while preparing breakfast and warm lips on the shoulder, a feeling of comfort, safety, and love. It was their home and leaving it broke a portion of her heart. 

 

"You alright?" a gentle hand ran down her shoulder blade. 

 

"Heeey..." she pulled Yaz's arms around herself like a cozy blanket, "I'm just not good at saying goodbye...it's silly." 

 

"No... it’s not" she hummed into her shoulder. 

 

Alex turned in her arms with a sigh "Let's go sweet pea." 

 

Yaz also felt something pressing down on her soul when they closed the door for the last time. It was the first place she felt truly at home since moving away. 

 

.... 

 

With the last of their personal belongings in the car, they first headed to Yaz's parents for lunch. Packing took a lot out of both of them, and they both looked forward to a rest before going to their new home. As elated as they both were, they also felt a strange tinge of sadness hit them even more as Alex turned from the apartment building towards the main road, the silence in the car was palpable. 

 

"You alright sweet pea?" Alex brushed her knuckles over her cheek with a worried smile 

 

"Yeah...I just feel like I feel the wrong emotion...You know..." 

 

"Yeah...I do...I'm sure we're gonna be fine ones we get settled. It does feel like shit though." 

 

"I grew to love all that badge" she chuckled. 

 

"The new house is badge" she grinned. 

 

"And I will have a garden" she flashed a smile. 

 

"Yap..." Alex nodded "Hey...can you imagine if it snows this winter?" 

 

"Oooooh....if only, that would be beautiful. We could put the lights up and decorate it for Christmas...get a tree." 

 

"I'd love that...But I don't wanna shove Christmas down your throat either babe. I feel like I'm overwhelming you with my stuff as it is" 

 

"Don't be silly...It's not something my family is celebrating, but I do love all the lights...And I'll take the present if offered" she laughed. 

 

"You sure Yazee? We don't have to.... Mum’s house will be all Christmassy." 

 

"Course I'm sure babe...what the fuck. Did you really plan on not having Christmas? ...That's just fucked up girl" 

 

Alex laughed "Well, when you put it that way...I'm new to all this remember." 

 

"Right...So am I to a healthy relationship. So, can we make it clear from now on that we don't make a big deal over these things? I know we haven't talked about it, but if you want a shrine to Zeus I really don't care if it makes you happy...Besides...we will torture you with our holidays and birthdays and family gatherings, so we'll get even soon believe me." 

 

Alex laughed "Fair enough" she grabbed her hand kissing her knuckles. 

 

"Soo...we're getting a Christmas tree?" 

 

Alex turned with a massive grin on her face. 

 

"Oh boy.... You’re one of those Christmas freaks, aren't you?" 

 

Alex kept grinning, looking at the road. 

 

"Oh god...Our house will be seen from Google earth" she laughed. 

 

.... 

 

Alex got out of the car and ran around grabbing her hand. "I saw this really great light for the living room."  

 

"Is that a question or a statement?" She laughed. 

 

"Both" she smiled silly "I'm not into that light that's there now." 

 

"I do hate that light." 

 

"Oh, thank god" Alex sighed relieved. 

 

"It's horrid...reminds me of some tendrils..." 

 

"Well, the one I found is really pretty Yazee and it's not expensive...I'll show you.” 

 

"I found something nice as well.... Not sure if you'd like it." 

 

"Oh, did ya?" She asked exited. 

 

"I saw this really stunning rug it's got all our colors in it." 

 

"You have to show me when we get home...Aaaaa....getting all excited now Yazee" she tugged her hand pulling her into a kiss. 

 

"Yeah...I think we're gonna be alright" she smiled. 

 

"It's gonna be weird seeing our cats at mum and dad's" she said as they entered the elevator. 

 

"I can't wait to get them back." 

 

"Me too...I miss them. They're gonna love the garden." 

 

.... 

 

The delicious smell of food wafted through the entire hallway as they left the elevator, making Alex even hungrier. Fortunately, when they arrived, the table was already set, and the food was ready. So, Najia sat them down practically from the door, and Hakim started putting all the food on the table. 

 

"Sooo... you two excited?" Najia asked. 

 

"We are...but also sad to leave the apartment" Yaz said. 

 

"Neah, you're gonna forget all about it in a month. As soon as you get settled. You'll see" 

 

"That's what I said," Alex nodded "I think it needs to start feeling like home." 

 

"Any chance of a house warm up party?" Sonya raised her eyebrow. 

 

"Mmmm....could do" Alex said "We didn't think about that Yazee...I mean we could." 

 

"Yeeeah....why not" 

 

"Right...deal then" she smiled excited "I never had a housewarming party, that's gonna be fun...I'm really chuffed about that now...Did you Yazee?" 

 

"Neah, my ex didn't believe in those." 

 

"Your ex didn't believe in anything" Sonya added "Including the family." 

 

"Sonyaaaaa" she frowned "Can we not please." 

 

"I do not understand?" Alex gave them both a confused look then looked at Najia who pursed her lips trying not to say anything she would regret later. 

 

"It's not your fault Yaz, nobody ever blamed you" She said. 

 

"I knoooow, still...can we like move on please." 

 

"Sure, sorry" she came up and kissed her temple "Hey, I just love you, that's all." 

 

"I love you too...but I got no-one else to blame than myself for that...I’m so fucking stupid" she sighed. 

 

"Oi!!" Alex jumped "Don't say that Yazee" 

 

"Aniways...I'd love to have a housewarming party...a lot" she smiled as her eyes glistened with tears. 

 

.... 

 

That evening, their new house didn't quite feel like home. More like something between a warehouse and the back of a furniture store with boxes and wooden planks on every corner. It was cold when they first arrived, and it took a while to warm up just enough, so they are not freezing. At the moment, they were both too tired to take it all in at all, and just rummaged through the boxes trying to get the basics out. Alex pulled out a toaster and a kettle so they could at least have a proper breakfast, and Yaz found a box of plates and some cutlery and only managed to get out two cups. They had practically no food, only a few bits and pieces. 

 

Upstairs it took another hour to bring out the bedding and luckily Alex was smart enough to pack some of their clothes in a suitcase until they brought out the rest. Yaz slipped into bed, which for now was just their mattress placed on the floor of their future bedroom. She pulled back the duvet and buried her face in it. The bedding was the only thing that smelled familiar and gave her comfort. She had been feeling restless and increasingly emotional since they left her parents' apartment. 

 

Alex rubbed the cream into her hands and turned off the big light, leaving the small lamp on the floor still on, then crawled into bed herself. Walking on all fours, she loomed over Yaz, who was lying on her side wrapped up like a burrito and nuzzled her cheek with a silly smile. Yaz giggled but refused to turn her head playfully waiting for the next move. 

 

"Hiya" Alex chirped "Houston do we have a problem?" 

 

"Yeees" she giggled. 

 

"Lost your TARDIS?" 

 

"Yeah" she turned her head "I don't feel at home" she pouted her lips like a five year old, her face suddenly serious and the sheer cuteness gave Alex the urge to crush her. She moved around wrapping herself around her and planted a long kiss on her lips. 

 

"I know sweet pea...No it doesn't, I'm sorry." 

 

"Not your fault, just saying. I didn't expect to feel like this." 

 

"It will soon dhow...You'll see, when we get all the stuff out and all the furniture is assembled." 

 

"I need a cuddle," she said as tears rolled from the corners of her eyes onto the pillow. She desperately needed something familiar, and nothing was more familiar or comforting than Alex. 

 

"Heeey...oh shit...pleaseeee don't cry" she quickly shuffled across the mattress and slipped underneath the duvet. Yaz curled around her like a koala. "What's wrong Yazee...are you upset we sold the apartment? Is that it? You can tell me...I'm not gonna be mad at ya" 

 

"Nooooo...nooo...I love the house I really do" she sniffed and ran her palm over Alex's cheek snuggled so close to her their noses touched. "And I love you" she kissed her through tears which rolled over her face "so much." 

 

"Yazee...you're worrying me, please baby.... what’s wrong? This isn't about the house, is it?" 

 

"I don't knoooow...I just feel..." she whimpered trying to get the words out as emotions suddenly poured out of her, then took a deep breath "It's just today... at mum and dad's...when Sonya said that about my ex." 

 

"Mmmmm? What baby...tell me" 

 

"Oh Alex...I dunno...it's just so fucked up and my brain just works weird sometimes...And I shouldn't get upset anymore.” 

 

"But you are darling ...so do you wanna talk about it?" 

 

"It's just that...What Sonya was talking about...See when we would come there, you know my ex and me...for birthdays or just Sunday lunch. It's like she would just sit there on a sofa, face in a phone all the time. Then she wanted to leave after one hour. It was so disrespectful to mum and dad, and I always felt so bad for them cause you know...they really put in effort. You knoooow what my family is like. But we'd always argue back home. And she'd say how just cause we're together she doesn't have to like my family or going there. And I just thought cause she comes from a broken family it was hard...cause maybe I'd make her feel uncomfortable.... or just sad and I'd try talking about it and I even said she don't have to go...but then she wouldn't want me to go alone either...it's just fucked up Alex." Yaz's chin wobbled, and she burst out crying again "But then with time I realized its like that in everything that meant something to me." 

 

"Heeeey, Heeeey baby...it was a toxic relationship darling, and she may have her problems, but that doesn't justify being an ass to you. You do understand that?" 

 

"I knoooow...but it’s fucked up cause all the previous relationships were no different either" she sniffed and brushed her knuckles over Alex's cheek. 

 

"Is that why the tears sweat pea? Cause it just brought up all the bad stuff? Is that it?" 

 

"Nooo...not just that...It just made me think how much different this is...what I have with you." 

 

"Oh Yazee" 

 

"And I thought about our home and what we have and how fucking much I love you and I just kinda needed our home today. This doesn't smell like ours and I just fucking needed to feel us everywhere... I'm sorry this is so unhinged we're like legit in our dream house and I'm acting so fucked up" 

 

"Nooo...no you're not...listen..." Alex shifted and pulled her in wrapping her arms around her tight "I loooove you sooo much...I can't fucking breathe without you...and if anyone understands that need it's me. I never ever felt that I definitely never had it and I definitely, absolutely never thought I will" she kissed the tip of her nose with a smile "So then we're both unhinged." 

 

"So you don't think I'm being a weirdo cause the carpet smells different or I need to sniff you like dog?" she giggled through tears 

 

"Nooo" Alex smiled nodding "Cause I need that too, and the smell of your hair" she reached out moving curls from her forehead "And the scent of your skin on me in the morning when I sit in the car going to work. And when I park up to see the lights up on the windows knowing I'm not alone, and you're up there waiting for me. And when I bury my face in your neck after a long night shift cause it makes me feel safe...It's how it is baby, there's nothing unhinged about it. You just got a bit emotional and it's what you needed today." 

 

Yaz let out a sigh of relief as the chaos of overwhelming anxiety slowly subsided and she reached for the back of Alex's neck, bringing her lips to hers. They kissed deeply, long and passionately and Yaz was unable to let go, kept drawing her in for more locking her leg around her tight and Alex was more than willing to oblige then tucked her face into Alex's neck closing her arms around her in silence. She listened to her breathing, inhaling her scent deep into her lungs as Alex threaded her fingers through her hair, giving her the gentlest cuddle. Alex broke a long silence with a kiss to her hair. 

 

"Heeeey sweet pea..." Alex whispered. 

 

"Mmmmm?" 

 

"I've got an idea." 

 

"Whaaaat?" She mumbled into her neck rubbing her face into it 

 

"Tomorrow, I work in the afternoon, so let's get up early and get some stuff out. We can sort out your room, take all your Doctor Who stuff out...Would you like that? Hell, we can put the fucking desk and shelves together.” 

 

"Yeah" she looked up with blotchy eyes "...I'd like that" she wiped her tears "I need a tissue" she smiled. 

 

"Coming up" Alex wiggled out of the bed and ran into the bathroom. Yaz sat up crossing her legs hugging the duvet like a favorite stuffed animal. 

 

"Here Yazee...you want some water? We can go make some cocoa? Milk and biscuits? Late night kitchen run?" She smiled pointing towards the door 

 

"Milk and biscuits sounds great" she sniffed with a smile 

 

"C'mere" she reached for her hands and pulled her out of bed "Put the dressing gown on darling it's still nippy in a house. I do hope it gets warmer by the morning I've blasted the heating" she said worriedly touching the radiators. 

 

"It should do...are they hot?" 

 

"Yeah...I dunno...maybe cause it was empty for a while" 

 

"Maybe" 

 

"I hope so Yazee cause I can't deal with the cold house and rather stupidly we actually looked at the house in summer" she remarked as they headed downstairs 

 

"Shit...we did.” 

 

"Yap...so they better work alright." 

 

.... 

 

It was 6am when Alex pulled them both out of bed hoping excited while Yaz was desperately trying to find her brain over her morning coffee waiting for the oven to finish with Danish bagel wheels Alex had put in to bake straight out of the freezer 20 minutes ago. The house seemed much different in the morning, bright and finally warm and a little more like a new home. 

 

"God, we really have to do some shopping" Alex said when she pushed her head into an almost empty fridge "There's very little milk left." 

 

"It's alright babe, I'll just pop to the corner shop later...I might actually go to proper shop and get some stuff at least till the weekend." 

 

"If you have time Yazee, you're working today." 

 

"I'm sure I can find time." 

 

"Thank you, baby.” 

 

"I think they're done?" Yaz peaked through the oven glass at Danish bagels. 

 

"Why does it have to rain on our first day in a new home? So depressing" Alex pouted her lip looking through the patio door 

 

"I knoooow I was thinking that...Buuuut" she kissed her shoulder flapping her lashes "We're gonna get our stuff out." 

 

"Yes...yes we are!" she grinned excited "Aaaaand...look what I found Yaz" she hopped to the utility room and came out holding a reality beautiful fireplace cleaning set. 

 

"Nooooo...did they just leave that here?" 

 

"Yap!" She nodded "How stunning." 

 

"I don't remember seeing that...maybe they moved it cause of kids." 

 

"Maybe...probably...who cares its stunning Yazee...look" she bounced across the living room and placed it next to the actual fireplace "Ta da!!" 

 

"Waaaaaw...that looks posh...are we posh now?" She laughed. 

 

"Yeah....very posh Yazee" Alex giggled swaggering towards her "And I'm gonna start calling everyone ma'am and you daaarling" she said trying her best to put on the accent then ran her finger down Yaz's shoulder and suddenly grabbed her around the waist pulling her in " ...Like I have marbles in my mouth and a broomstick up my ass" 

 

"That's fucking scary" Yaz laughed and grabbed her bum "No broomstick." 

 

"Uuu darling, now that is very naughty." 

 

Yaz pushed her against the kitchen top and licked up her neck then kissed her passionately, finishing by taking her bottom lip between her teeth "No that's naughty..." she said into her lips with a cheeky smile. 

 

"Nooo...that's dirty and making me brain go funny" Alex laughed. 

 

"We should eat" Yaz giggled. 

 

"Definitely!" Alex concluded and moved away whilst she could still keep her head on her shoulders. 

 

.... 

 

Two hours later they were trying to work out how to put up the furniture together in her study. They fumbled with millions of screws trying to use a kitchen knife instead of a screwdriver. 

 

"This was a bad idea" Yaz said holding a board whilst Alex was screwing it in 

 

"I can't remember which box Yazee" she shrugged. 

 

"I can go and ask next door" 

 

"It's embarrassing" 

 

"No it's nooot" 

 

"I can't do that." 

 

"Well, I fucking can...I want my book shelf up...Wait here" 

 

"Are you seriously gonna go and knock on someone's door?" She yelled, running after her down the stairs. 

 

"Too fucking right, I am" she grabbed her jacket and went out. 

 

Alex couldn't help but ran after her. She opened the door and peaked through. Yaz laughed at her as she was ringing the next door neighbor’s doorbell. A man opened up confused and behind him stood a small old lady, gray hair and in her dressing gown. 

 

"Hi, I'm Yaz... and that person lurking behind the door there is my wife." She pointed " So sorry, but we just moved in next door, and we've got no clue where we packed the tools. Do you happen to have a screwdriver set we could borrow?" She said it all in one breath. 

 

"Oh, I see. Nice to meet you. I'm Martin, my mum Molly, sure...Give me a second." 

 

"Oh thanks, you're a savior" she turned to Alex lifting her thumbs up. 

 

"Is it this house?" the woman went outside pointing. 

 

"Yes, right next door to you" 

 

"Hiya" Alex waived with a silly smile. 

 

"Oh, I didn't even notice they've moved...Thank god for that.” 

 

"Oh, why's that?" 

 

"The children, so noisy...dreadful family" 

 

"Riiiiiight!" 

 

"Did you say wife?" 

 

"Yes...we're married.” 

 

"Oh, isn't that nice. Didn't know you can do those sorts of thing these days. Do you have any children?" 

 

"Here we go" Mark came back saving her from questions and giving her a whole box with tools "Everything's there, in case you need something else." 

 

"Thank you soo much. We really appreciate it" 

 

"No problem, if you need any help just shout. By the way I'm electrician so if you need any work..." 

 

"Oh, that's fantastic, we might actually need help with some new lights.” 

 

"Sure, no problem.... oh...second" he disappeared behind the door whilst his mother kept looking towards their house "Here, my number is at the back" he passed her a business card. 

 

"Fantastic...thanks for this" she lifted the box "I'll bring it back as soon as we're done." 

 

"Don't worry, it's my free day today so no rush.” 

 

"Alright...see ya...have a nice day." 

 

"You too" 

 

"Did you know they are lesbians?" The women pointed towards the house before Yaz even reached the end of their driveway. 

 

"Mum, just get inside you're gonna get ill" he grabbed her shoulders pushing her in 

 

"Alright, I'm not a child you know." 

 

"Didn't say you were." 

 

Yaz rolled her eyes laughing walking away. 

 

"I can't believe you did that" Alex said from the door 

 

"Believe it baby...he's electrician by the way. Seems really nice guy" 

 

"Oh is he?...He can maybe...." 

 

"Yeah...new lights" 

 

"Oh brilliant" 

 

..... 

 

Alex pushed the chair onto the table that was placed under the window and on each side if it were two HEMNES bookcases from IKEA. White furniture combined with light wood matched the oak parquet, and the round cream carpet on the floor further softened it, the greenery of the plants on the windowsill gave it a last pop. 

 

"Right...see told you we're gonna do it...Like it?" 

 

"I loooove it" Yaz smiled. 

 

"So you can start putting your stuff inside today" she said looking at her watch "Shit...I'm gonna be late" 

 

"Go get ready, I'm gonna hoover this lot.” 

 

"Sorry Yazee" 

 

"Don't say sorry, just gooo...oh and" she pulled her by the wrist kissing her shortly "Thaaaank yooou" 

 

"Love ya...gotta go" 

 

"Go,go" 

 

.... 

 

"I'm off Yazee" Alex burst into her room half an hour later. 

 

"Alright babe" 

 

"Do I look alright?" 

 

"You look beautiful." 

 

"I never got ready faster in me life.... I’ll call you at lunch break" she said frantically, popping a quick kiss to her lips and ran out. 

 

"See ya..." 

 

Left alone, she slowly finished her room. When she was done, she made fresh tea and started her first day of work in her new home. The large window of the small room overlooking the garden was beautiful, and even though the day was cloudy and rainy, she imagined what it would be like if it was sunny or if it snowed this winter. 

 

The day passed quickly, and it was already dark outside. The beginning of November brought with it short days and cold northern winds. Fortunately, despite their worries, the house was warm and cozy. But she had to venture out shopping despite the rain, so she closed her laptop and started to get ready when the doorbell caught her with her trousers halfway up. 

 

"WTF?" She quickly pulled them and ran downstairs zipping them up. 

 

"Yes?" She yelled from the other side of the door. 

 

"Just us" Sonya yelled back from the other side. 

 

"Oh...bloody hell" she unlocked the door and saw her mother and sister "OMG what are you two doing here?" she smiled. 

 

"Since when are you checking who's at the door?" Sonya laughed. 

 

"Fuck that, I'm not opening to someone random" she laughed "Seems weird being in a house.” 

 

"Hey sweetheart, we thought we pop over, I guessed you're hungry." She said as they walked inside "We brought you two some food and did some shopping for you." 

 

"Whaaa...OMG no waaay...Hey don't take your shoes off mum I don't know where the slippers are." 

 

"It's alright Yaz it's horrible outside" Sonya said. 

 

"Here, let me take that mum" she grabbed the bags out her hands and took them to the kitchen "How much stuff did you buy for us?...I'll give you money" 

 

"Don't be stupid Yaz" Najia shook her head "...Careful, that bag there, your dinner is inside" she pointed as she took her coat off. 

 

"That's so fucking sweet of you two...Want some tea? I just made it." 

 

"Yes but show us around first" Sonya said excitedly. 

 

"Oh, oh we got my room done today.” 

 

"Did ya?" Najias eyes widened with excitement. 

 

"Yap...come up...it's soo beautiful" she ran upstairs, and they followed "That's the bedroom for now" she pointed quickly 

 

"When will they ensemble the furniture Yaz?" Sonya asked. 

 

"On Friday...guess we'll have to wait a week" she shrugged. 

 

"Oh, well...we wait for everything since COVID..." Najia added. 

 

"Ta-Da!" She smiled opening the door to her study. 

 

"OMG!...That's beautiful Yaz...I must admit I prefer this furniture here than in your apartment. 

 

"Me too...I just feel bad cause now Alex hasn't got her study." 

 

"What about the other room?" Najia asked confused. 

 

"Ooooh...Well..." she laughed and nodded towards it "I'll show you" she opened the room pissing herself laughing. 

 

There was the cot in there, the one they had bought for Prem and all his baby things, accompanied by a new carpet, curtains, and rolls of unopened wallpaper, along with some other bits and pieces all stacked in the corner waiting to be installed. 

 

"You gotta be kidding me?" Sonya laughed. 

 

"It's gonna be a baby room?" Najia laughed. 

 

"Yap...She ordered everything online. We picked together cause once it is done it will also be...you know...for our kid one day as well. Hence all gender neutral" 

 

"What a queen" Sonya laughed. 

 

"I feel so fucking bad honestly.... but I really can't...not just yet" 

 

"It's alright Yaz, don't force it" Sonya said "I'm sure it will come naturally and I'm sure Alex gets it." 

 

"She does, I spoke with her" Najia said. 

 

"What?" Yaz jumped "When the fuck did you speak with her?" 

 

"When you were getting married, that week...it just popped up in a conversation Yaz. I didn't push anything I swear. But she gets it...She said she's extremely happy as it is now and that's the most important thing for her and that you will have the baby eventually." 

 

Yaz exhaled "I knoooow, but I wish we were not out of sink in that. It's just that everything happened so fast my brain needs time to adjust to this first before I can even think about the baby." 

 

"Slow down Yaz, you have a whole life Infront of you" Najia kissed her forehead. 

 

"Those are so beautiful" Sonya picked up the wallpaper. They were light cream with organic rainbows and teddy bears sprinkled all over them. 

 

"They are, aren't they? We got beddings to match and this" She lifted the small wooden bookshelf from the floor "For all the stories." 

 

"Waaaaw" 

 

She was left alone again when they left so she tapped her way into the kitchen when her phone rang, and she hurried to get it from one of the boxes in the living room. 

 

"Hey baby" 

 

"Hiya...you alright sweet pea?" 

 

"Yeah...mum and Sonya came over. They just left actually." 

 

"Oh, did they?" 

 

"Yeah...They bought shit loads of food for us, and cooked dinner can you believe it" 

 

"Really...OMG That's so sweet." 

 

"It is, saved me from going out. I was literally getting dressed when they came over." 

 

"Oh, the weather is awful, I was literally calling you not to bother. I thought we just order in for today." 

 

"Well, we got enough for a whole week now" she looked through the bags as she spoke with her "I miss you" 

 

"Miss you too sweet pea...Won't be much longer. I've got another two hours and I'm home." 

 

"Any babies?" 

 

"Nooo...not today...Not even babies wanna be born in this weather" she laughed "I was supposed to be going for lunch with everyone today." 

 

"But you're not?" 

 

"Nooo..." 

 

"Oh Aleeex" 

 

"I knoooow" 

 

"This is like, what 20th attempt." 

 

"I knoooow...I just can't make myself do it Yazee" 

 

"Oh Aleeex...they won't eat you" 

 

"I knoooow...I was literally gonna do it and then I chickened out at the last minute." 

 

Yaz sighed "I love you." 

 

"Love you too..." 

 

"By the way, the house is really warm." 

 

"Oh, is it, good, cause that really worried me" 

 

"No, no it's fine, nice and cozy. The bill will be cozy as well though" she laughed. 

 

"I knoooow, everything's gone up so much is maddening...I gotta go darling. I'll be home soon." 

 

"Alright babe, see you soon." 

 

She hang up the phone and swirled on a heel then started unpacking the food. 

 

.... 

 

Alex finished her work and was just about to leave when her colleague knocked on the door. 

 

"Come in" 

 

"Hey" 

 

"Oh, hi Janet. I stood you up today...I'm sorry" she squirmed. 

 

"You have, again." 

 

"I knoooow...i did text" 

 

"I saw it...Aleeex...come ooon...Why won't you come for a lunch girl?" She shook her head and stepped inside closing the door behind 

 

"I'm so sorry...I'm really trying...I really am... these things are just… I dunno...I just get nervous and anxious..." 

 

"Anxious about what? Honestly Alex, people just want you to feel welcome here...that's all. You don't even need to talk, just be there, eat your fucking sandwich in a corner." 

 

She giggled and buried her face into her hands "Oh god." 

 

"Also...here...this is for you" she handed her an envelope. 

 

"What's that?" Alex took it hesitantly. 

 

"You're getting fired." 

 

Alex's eyes widened. 

 

"Just joking!" She laughed when she saw the pure panic in her eyes. 

 

"Janet! You got me choked up for a moment, I just got a new mortgage." 

 

She laughed and waived her hand "It's an invitation, it's next month, Christmas dinner...we do it every year." 

 

"Ooooh, " Alex looked at her horrified then opened it up. It was a proper fancy invite, golden letters and the name of the place was familiar, and she could feel the panic rising inside her. 

 

"It's plus one, so you can bring your wife...And we'd really fucking love you to be there." 

 

Alex gulped "We never had those in my previous job." 

 

"We don't here, we organize it privately, just an excuse to get pissed and have some fun." 

 

"Right, that's nice." 

 

"Yes, it is, and pleaseeee...It would be nice for you to come for lunch before that, or you're never gonna be able to deal with that one.” 

 

"That's true" she scrunched her nose "I won't" she nodded smiling. 

 

"Hey" she reached for Alex's hand and squeezed it "It's alright, at least your wife can be there. Would that help?" 

 

"Yeah...that would" 

 

"Alright...I gotta go..." 

 

"Thanks for that...It's really sweet, and I really appreciate you putting up with my crap.” 

 

"It's alright, you're my mate now, so we do that...I do expect you to return that favor at some point" she laughed. 

 

"Absolutely" Alex laughed. 

 

"Se ya girl" 

 

"Se ya" Alex stood staring at the invitation for a moment. It wasn't like she didn't want to go because she did. But her mind was her greatest enemy, preventing her from enjoying herself in these things. She shoved it in her bag and grabbed her jacket. 

 

She was still in the car on the way home and decided to call her mum. 

 

"Alex, I didn't expect you today baby." 

 

"Hey mum, I've put you on a loudspeaker, I'm driving home from work. Just thought I would give you a call." 

 

"Sooo...how was the first night in a new house?" 

 

"I dunno mum, confusing" 

 

"What, why?" 

 

"I dunno, stuff is everywhere, it was so fucking cold last night I thought something was wrong with heating. And Yazee got really emotional as well." 

 

"Oh boy, it takes a while to get used to it. I remember with this house. I was excited to finally have my own house then when I moved, I felt like I'm in a hotel." 

 

"Yes, that's it...But we got some stuff out and got Yazee her office all done up this morning...You will come and see it?" 

 

"No Alex, I totally don't give a fuck where my daughter lives." 

 

She laughed "They're coming on Friday to assemble the furniture." 

 

"If you need anything just call your uncle Alex" 

 

"I will, I promise. I have to find a gardener. It looks a mess." 

 

"Slow down, you will...get settled first...Oh, call Ollie tomorrow, he's burning up for two days now. Nothing serious but he feels like shit." 

 

"Oh nooo...I will." 

 

"So how are you two? You alright baby?" 

 

"Yeah...as good as new mum" she smiled "We're fine, really...both of us. I have to go now I'm stopping off to get some snacks before I go home" 

 

"Alright baby" 

 

"Looooooove ya" 

 

"I love you too." 

 

"Oh, wait..." 

 

"What?" 

 

"Just give me second" she swirled the car into a parking quickly "I don't know what to do, I got invited to a Christmas due at work”

 

"You get yourself dressed up nice and you go." 

 

"Yeah, right..." 

 

"Seriously Alex, I'm not joking." 

 

"I know you're not, and I'm not joking when I say I feel like I'm gonna throw up just thinking about it" 

 

"Is Yaz going?" 

 

"I hope so, she's invited." 

 

"Well then, let her speak, hold her hand and it'll be alright." 

 

"Right" 

 

"Come on Alex, you have one life, I keep telling you that. One day you're gonna beat yourself up and think how silly this was. And look back thinking how young and pretty you were...believe me I know." 

 

"I suppose you're right." 

 

"I am right." 

 

"Alright mum" she laughed "...I have to go now before I get a ticket. Love ya" 

 

"Love you too.” 

 

... 

 

She parked in the driveway of her new home and when she walked out, she lingered for a moment, soaking in the gentle lights coming from her new house windows and the smell of rain in the air. And it suddenly felt okay to be a little bit broken because it taught her to never give up on her dreams and to appreciate and be grateful for what she had now. 

 

"Hiya" she chirped from the door. 

 

"Hey baby!" Yaz shouted from the kitchen. 

 

She walked in to see that Yaz had made a dinner table out of boxes and put wrapping paper over it instead of a tablecloth. She found a candle and lit it in the middle and used her TARDIS napkins. 

 

"OMG!" Alex giggled "this is ace." 

 

"Like it?" She said taking a tray out of the oven. 

 

"I loooove it" Alex took off her jacket and put all her things to the side and then walked over and stuck to her back. 

 

"Give me a second" Yaz said as she placed the food on the plates and then turned around with a smile, " I thought I'd make it special," she said, putting her hands on Alex's shoulders and falling into the kiss that followed, soft and gentle and one she'd been craving all day.

 

....

 

With the house still in disarray and all the boxes piled up in the living room, Alex was getting anxious, impatiently waiting for the furniture to be put together so she could feel at home. The day finally came, and she was flapping around nervously. 

 

"They're gonna so scratch that wall Yaz" she said standing in the kitchen doorway watching every movement of the men carrying the bed frame up the stairs. 

 

"No, they won't" 

 

"Oh Yaz...that's so not gonna make that curve.... I can't look." 

 

"Then don't" she laughed taking toast out "Want one?" 

 

"Noooo....oh shit..." she covered her eyes. 

 

"Aleeeex they're not morons...chill out." 

 

"If that wall gets ruined Yazee we don't know the color code" 

 

"So, we will repaint it...take a deep breath." 

 

"Aaaa!!!...It's up" she exhaled. 

 

"Of course, it is" Yaz rolled her eyes laughing "Wanna toast now?" 

 

"Yes" she smiled. 

 

"Honest...chill out babe..." 

 

"Everything is just so pretty I don't want it being ruined before we even get settled." 

 

"It won't" she put the plate in front of her kissing her temple "You need a distraction or you’re gonna burst a vein...let's put the curtains up and we can sort out the wardrobes." 

 

"Yeah, please if we could...Sorry sweet pea, I just want everything in its place...this is making me so anxious." 

 

"No shit...Relax babe, by the end of the weekend most stuff will be sorted." 

 

"Mmmm" she pouted. 

 

"You're cute" she smiled planting a quick kiss on his lips. 

 

She was waiting for Alex to lose it at some point, having to sleep on the floor and wait five days for the furniture to be assembled. It was chaos and even she herself was starting to have problems with it and wasn't sure if Alex was starting to rub off on her. 

 

By the end of the day all the furniture was finally ensembled. The bedroom was finished, and their clothes neatly put away. The scent of fabric conditioner from the clean bedding mixed with the smell of freshly painted walls filled the room giving out the comforting sense of a new home. Yaz stood by the window trying to get a glimpse of her new beloved garden through the raindrops sliding down the glass. Her life was moving at sonic speed, and she was trying to catch up with it, emotionally overwhelmed most of the time, her anxiety hadn't had time to creep up on her too much. It felt almost bizarre to feel this happy all the time, a part of her kept waiting for something to go wrong but she kept pushing against it. Alex pressed against her back closing arms around her like a warm blanket, soft lips trailed down the curve of her neck and Yaz closed her eyes giving into the soothing tingle her body gave as response. 

 

"Hey sweet pea...you're being very quiet all of a sudden. Something bothering you?" 

 

"Rain" she chuckled "I wanna see my garden." 

 

"Not much to see right now...it's a bit of a mess. We need to call the gardener to sort it out for the winter." 

 

"Shame really, we won't get a chance to enjoy it till spring. I miss our cats." 

 

"They will have a blast out there...could you imagine." 

 

"You don't think they can get lost...I'm so worried about them getting lost or hit by the car." 

 

"Nooo...they are all spade Yazee, they will probably keep to the two gardens next to us and that's it" 

 

"I never thought this will ever be my life." 

 

Alex sighed with a warm smile tucking her face into her neck "Well, that makes it the two of us." 

 

She ran her fingers through hers, locking their hands together "It's so beautiful Alex...You're beautiful." 

 

"I don't know what I'd do without you Yazee." 

 

"Well, that makes it the two of us" she looked over her shoulder with a smile. "You're very kissable at the moment" she giggled. 

 

"Oh, yeah? Well, maybe you should do something about it" Alex chuckled bopping her nose at her cheek. 

 

"Mmm..." she turned in her arms with a smirk.

"Maybe I should sexy" she hooked her finger between the buttons of her shirt pulling her in 

 

....