It was one more rainy weekend, one of those when you wake up to the sound of persistent rain pounding against your window and gray clouds covering the sky and you refuse to leave the comfort of a warm bed. When you walk around in your pajamas the whole day and hot chocolate in front of the TV or reading that book you bought ages ago but never opened seems like a fantastic idea. 

Yaz rolled over the bed and lazily grabbed her phone from the nightstand. It was half seven and unusually early for her. She yawned with a stretch and sat on the edge sleepily looking at the rain pouring down the window. One of the cats was still in the bed next to her, stretching lazily and Yaz reached out to cuddle it. 

 

"I knoooow it's horrid...Luckily you can sleep the whole day" she smiled and got up heading to the bathroom. 

 

She found Alex in the kitchen still in her dressing gown, having a cup of coffee and reading the morning news. An unusual habit she had that made Yaz chuckle reminding her of her grandmother. The kitchen was dark as the rest of the house this morning, with kitchen cabinet lighting being the only one on. 

 

"Morning sweet pea" Alex smiled widely. 

 

Yaz always admired how fresh and rested she looked in the morning unlike herself with puffy eyes and dark circles stumbling to walk and struggling to think. 

 

"Morning" she yawned sleepy and went straight for the fridge pouring herself some juice then walked up to Alex kissing her gently and burring her face into her chest "What a horrible day" she slipped her arms underneath her dressing gown closing them around her 

 

"They said it's gonna rain the whole weekend" Alex soothingly rubbed her palm over her back "Why did you get up so early?" 

 

"I dunno...I'm debating on that...I hate empty bed...I mean...rainy Saturday..." she nuzzled her neck popping small kisses down the sides "...no rush to go anywhere...shameful really for you to get up so early and leave me all by myself" she shifted to the other side of her neck 

 

"Sorry" Alex chuckled tangling her fingers in her hair "Can I fix it?" 

 

"I dunno...I do need a cuddle...You can start there" she pressed another kiss to the side of her neck and glided her hand over her hip and down her leg 

 

"I never refuse a cuddle”

 

"What, from anyone?" She looked up at her 

 

"I have my boundaries" she popped a kiss to her lips “But it seems like you need a bit more than just a cuddle." she chuckled

 

"You could maybe...I dunno...move this cuddle to the bed…If you’re willing? As I said… its shamefully empty" she grinned cheeky moving phone from her hand leaving it on a side then preceded by pressing her lips to her neck again 

 

"Is that a request or a demand?" Alex smirked 

 

"More of a demand if I'm honest" she slipped her hand underneath her top palming her breast "Or it could be just a request... " she abandoned her neck to replace it with her lips kissing her so efficiently it made Alex's head spin “Totally up to you babe”

 

"Request accepted" Alex giggled into her lips sliding off the chair 

 

 

.... 

 

 

"Look what you've done now" Alex sprinkled a line of gentle kisses from Yaz's belly all the way to her breast 

 

"What have I done?" She frowned sifting blonde locks through her fingers

 

Alex rested her chin between her breast smirking "I don't feel like getting up now" 

 

"Totally not my fault...You dragged us upstairs...I only wanted a cuddle" 

 

"Oh, so now I'm the horny one?" 

 

"Excuse me dirty Alex...My pajamas are in a hallway and knickers somewhere half down the stairs" 

 

Alex burst out laughing, burring her face into her chest "It was you who started it!" 

 

"And you very willingly accepted it" 

 

"Well, if its offered…what do you expect? " she laughed climbing up her body and pressed a long kiss to her lips "I suppose I just can't say no to you...I'm such weak character...honest, you should know that." she smiled silly and popped one more kiss to her lips 

 

"I'd say you're quite cheeky missy" she smirked palming her sides 

 

"Mmmm...." she ran her fingers up and down the inside of Yaz's leg "...Now that bit is all your fault..." 

 

"Oh, yeah...How did you figure that one out?" 

 

"You see…" she kissed the side of her breast "...You make my brain fuzzy...can't think straight...it all gets a bit...you know..." she gently ran her fingertips between her thighs "...blurry when I'm around you..." 

 

Yaz shivered, her fingers palming the back of her head as the other woman closed her lips around her breast "Is it...getting blurry now?" she struggled putting a sentence together 

 

"Mmmm..." she hummed relishing in her breasts then trailed her lips down the length of her, her palm following, not leaving any part of her neglected "...very much so..." 

 

"Fine..." Yaz arched her back closing her eyes "I'll take the blame" she tangled her fingers in her hair draping her legs over her shoulders pushing her lower 

 

 

....

 

 

They had to do some food shopping in spite of the weather and get a birthday present for Yaz's dad that was on Sunday. Alex was getting food and Yaz went to the toiletry section to get some shampoo and toothpaste they were running low on. She quickly grabbed what she needed and went looking for Alex finding her speaking to some man. 

 

"Hiya" 

 

"Oh, Yazee...This is my friend Frank...Frank my wife Yaz" 

 

"Nice to meet you Yaz" 

 

"Nice to meet you too" 

 

"I'll give you a call about it next week...Count me in" 

 

"That's fantastic. Thanks for that..." 

 

"Oh, don't thank me for it...It’ll be fun." 

 

"Well, have a nice day and I'll see you. Nice meeting you Yaz" 

 

"Nice meeting you too" 

 

"Who's that?" Yaz asked confused never seeing the man before 

 

"It's a colleague of mine from my group. He is organizing event next month and asked me if I wanna participate" 

 

"What sort of an event?" 

 

"He works for LGBT disability organization, and they are organizing charity event for disabled youth…marathon and a concert" 

 

"Alright...that's cool..." 

 

"What will you do?" 

 

"He needs someone on a stand selling some handmade jewelry and some artwork that people donated to the cause. Wanna go with me? " 

 

"Yes definitely!" she jumped to the opportunity

 

"It'll be nice, and you get to meet some of the people I work with in my group. You said you'd like that" 

 

"Yeah absolutely...I'd love that." 

 

"I'll call mum and see if she could add to it. Maybe she can make some stuff and donate" 

 

"That would be great" 

 

"I got everything by the way...did you get what you needed?" 

 

"Yeah...I have...I'm getting hungry...I thought we go for a pizza" 

 

"Pizza sounds great...I'm getting peckish as well" 

 

 

.... 

 

 

"I'm starving" Alex took the menu and flicked through "So what are we getting for your dad?" 

 

"He keeps banging on about a pancake maker. So, I thought we get him one." 

 

“If it makes him happy”

 

“You know him. Anything to do with cooking makes him happy”

 

"I have to get him a card" 

 

"Me too...I don't know which one to have" she debated looking through the menu 

 

"This one’s nice...just tell them no ham" 

 

"I might do..." 

 

"I love the Mediterranean one...Looks yummy" 

 

"Oh, some packet arrived yesterday for you. I forgot to tell you. I left it on the desk in the office" 

 

"Oh, did it...?" she smiled happily

 

"Did you order something?" 

 

"No... it’s from mum. You'll see...There's something I wanna show you and it's long overdue" 

 

"That sounds mysterious" 

 

Alex looked up at her and winked "You'll see" 

 

"Ooookkkk...now I'm itching to know...Give me clue" 

 

"Nooo...it's a surprise" 

 

"Go on...just one little clue" 

 

"Nooo...you will have to wait" 

 

She went quiet for a moment still deciding on a pizza then asked again 

 

"First letter" 

 

"Noooo" Alex burst out laughing 

 

"That's not fair" she leaned into her chair crossing her arms with a pout 

 

"You look cute when you sulk" Alex casually took her drink finding Yaz's wobbly quite funny 

 

 

....

 

 

After picking a card for her dad, Yaz went on to find some nice wrapping paper leaving Alex who was still searching for a perfect card. She was looking for something special and taking her time. 

 

"Did you find it?" Yaz came up behind her 

 

"Yeah" she smiled "I think I have...It's not really a birthday one though" 

 

"It's perfect" she smiled kissing her shoulder 

 

....

 

 

They spent the majority of the day out and came home just in time before the rain got heavier. 

Playing some nice mellow music, they enjoyed cooking together. 

 

"You have to chop those smaller" Yaz leaned over Alex's shoulder and kissed her cheek 

 

"Yes boss" she giggled 

 

"Have you seen a cheese grater?" 

 

"In a dishwasher" 

 

"Aaa...." 

 

"When do we need to be at your parents tomorrow?" 

 

"Two o'clock" 

 

"Is anyone else coming?" 

 

"No..." 

 

"How come? Isn't his brother gonna be there?" 

 

"My uncle wouldn't be seen dead in the same room with me so no point in inviting him really. My nan will be there" 

 

"Aaaa...I haven't seen her in ages...here...all done.... small enough?" 

 

"Aaarr so so" 

 

"Whaaa?" 

 

"Just joking" Yaz burst out laughing "You should've seen your face...Whaaaa?" 

 

"Piss off" she laughed "Want some juice?" 

 

"Yes please. I need to wrap up his present" 

 

"I can do that now if you want?" 

 

"Don't...we can do that tomorrow...I just want us to relax" 

 

"Alright sweet pea" Alex left the juice in front of her and moved her braid from her neck. She smiled anticipating her next move then closed her eyes as soft lips melted with her skin. Alex leaned against her, closing her arms at her stomach and rested her head on her shoulder. 

 

"Hey gorgeous.... It’s so nice to have you around for the whole weekend" 

 

"It's nice to be around. I really do hate weekend shifts" she huffed

 

"And night shifts" 

 

"And that too" she giggled 

 

"Alright...all done. We just wait for lasagna" she turned and draped her arms over her shoulders. Alex planted a long kiss to her forehead. 

 

"We're having Italian day" 

 

"It's all about cheese" 

 

They both laughed 

 

"Wanna see what mum sent?" Alex smiled cheeky 

 

"Yeees!" She jumped exited 

 

"C'mere" Alex nodded 

 

"So, tell me...what is this thing? Never seen you being so mysterious about something" She followed her to the living room now more intrigued than ever. 

 

Alex exhaled deeply opening the envelope and passed her a box 

 

"A CD?...What's on it?" 

 

"It's a Christmas tape from when I was 19... 

 

"Are you serious?" Yaz's eyes opened wide 

 

"I was gonna show you before...It's just.... It’s one of those things that for a very long time I sort of left in my past and pretend it didn't exist...But recently I had a word myself" she reached out and brushed her knuckles over Yaz's cheek looking at her softly "...And I would like you to see it" 

 

"Are you sure? I'm totally intrigued...But not if it makes you feel uncomfortable. I've seen a photo of you" 

 

"It's not the same thing.... I want you to Yazee...It's the only part of me left shut away from you...And I don't want it to be anymore...I'm ok with that..." 

 

"C'mere you beautiful goof" Yaz pulled her into a gentle kiss and in spite her brave words, felt her tremble nervously. She rested her head against hers and cupped her face "I love you...so much" 

 

"Love you too" 

 

"If at any point it's too much we're switching it off...Deal?" 

 

"Deal" she nodded kissing her one more time 

 

"Come on...let me see...I'm so excited" 

 

"Mum was filming...it used to be on those small tapes and she had it moved to a CD cause she didn't wanna lose it" 

 

"Small tapes?" She asked confused 

 

Alex covered her eyes with her hand "I'm so stupid...of course you don't know...It's how it used to be then...I'll show you later" 

 

"You mean when I was like 2?" She laughed 

 

"Something like that" she laughed putting the CD in "So be warned...I just started on my HRT then...I look a mess...and I still didn't have a Ferrari" she laughed 

 

"But you had my baby machine" she shrugged "That's something" 

 

Alex burst out laughing "You're fucking crazy, you know that" 

 

The recording started and Yaz sat on the floor, legs crossed, eyes wide open from excitement and anticipation fully focused on the screen. 

Alex sat behind her closing her arms around her and rested her head on her shoulder 

 

"Here we go" she said and kissed her cheek "That's just mum filming all the decorations" she giggled 

 

"It's almost the same as now" 

 

"It is..." she chuckled "And now all the cakes" she rolled her eyes smiling 

 

"I wish I could see her" 

 

"I'll show you photos" 

 

"Aaaa here we go...is that, Annie?" 

 

"Yap..." 

 

"OMG her hair" she laughed 

 

"It was trendy then..." 

 

"Is that meant to be like Spice Girls?" 

 

"Yeees" she laughed into her shoulder 

 

"Ollie! ...OMG he's so young...Aaaaa...Jamie, bloody hell I wouldn't recognize him" 

 

"I haven't seen this in ages..." 

 

"This is amazing.... OMG" Yaz squeaked and covered her mouth with her hand "Is that you?...OMFG that's you!" 

 

"Yeeeees" she giggled burring her face into her neck 

 

"Nooo....are you shitting me...that's you...OMG Alex" she squeezed her hand "You're....waaaw...My Alex" she said softly "Are you alright? ...We can stop it?" 

 

"I'm alright" she smiled kissing her cheek 

 

"I love this...it's amazing...Look at you...And your hair" 

 

"I was trying to grow it...it looks horrid" 

 

"No, it doesn't...Just seems weird you not being blonde" 

 

"Jesus, what am I wearing" she giggled "What was I thinking" 

 

"It looks nice" 

 

"You're just biased..." 

 

Yaz watched as Alex and her siblings messed around and then Alex coming closer to the camera cracking jokes about Annie's present. Yaz turned over her shoulder in complete and utter disbelief 

 

"Wait a minute.... No fucking waaay...." she grabbed the remote pausing the recording "Is that your voice?..." she turned to Alex her eyes big as saucers 

 

"Yap" she laughed 

 

"That is your fucking voice?" She screamed in disbelief "Hoooow? Like how is this even..." 

 

"Vocal feminization surgery darling..." 

 

"Whaaa? I can't.... Oh my god.... I didn't even know that's possible...So what do they do? " 

 

"They fix your vocal cords, make them shorter so your voice is higher"

 

"Waaaw...I'm so fucking stupid....it never crossed my mind" 

 

"I did go through puberty darling...unfortunately" 

 

"I'm so fucking daft...of course...It literally never even entered my head.... Play it back pleaseeee...I wanna hear you...Is that ok?" 

 

"Yeah sure...." Alex chuckled rewinding it back 

 

"I can't...My brain is gonna combust...Waaaaw...Aleeex" she pressed pause and turned around 

 

"Whaaaat?" she covered her face with her hands, her cheeks blushing embarrassed "It's horrid I knoooow" 

 

"Nooo...no it's not...Heeeey" Yaz moved her hands slowly "It's all you...all of it...My beautiful silly Alex..." she cupped her face "I fucking love it..." 

 

Her reaction melted her heart completely. And at that moment, a sense of freedom washed over Alex. She felt as though a part of the burden of her past had been lifted from her shoulders, allowing her to stand taller and breathe deeper. The walls she had built around her past became that much thinner, slowly being replaced by a newfound openness to herself and a woman in front of her. 

 

Her chin wobbled, as she took a deep breath and tears streamed down her face. She closed her eyes, and Yaz pulled her into a tight hug, her face nestled into Yaz's neck. 

 

"I love you.... I love you so much Yazee" she squeezed her so tight she could barely breathe. 

 

"I fucking adore you...Was this too much baby?" 

 

"Nooo" she pulled away shaking her head and wiping her face "I'm fine...really" 

 

"Promise?" 

 

"Yeah" she nodded and brought her hand to the side of her neck "I'm very much fine baby...I'm just....really happy" she pulled her and kissed her deeply, one kiss after another until Yaz couldn't breathe. They pulled apart just a little and Alex smiled softly "You're the best thing that ever happened to me" 

 

"And you are to me..." she smiled and kissed her gently  

 

"I think dinner might be done" Alex giggled into her lips 

 

.....