Chapter 14
Yaz woke up to the smell of breakfast and opened her eyes with a smile to see Alex over the stove in her usual pajama top and nickers with cute skinny legs peeking out from under the top wiggling her bum to the music from the radio
"Hey sexy" Yaz smiled
"Hiya...morning beautiful" Alex turned with a smile "How are you feeling?"
"Better"
"Heard you getting up last night"
"Yeah...I woke up in pain went to have a tablet, go to toilet then crawled back to bed"
"I'm so sorry...I hate to see you in pain like that Yaz"
She got up and came up behind her running her hands over her back and kissed her gently "That looks so yummy" she smiled and ran her hand over her bum as it was too tempting not to do it
"Oi...I'll drop the eggs if you keep up with that" she giggled
"It's my favorite part sorry...can't help it"
"My bony ass is your favorite part?...Nice.."
"And a Ferrari...but that's self explanatory Alex"
"You and your Ferrari" She laughed "Told my sister that last night...she almost choked on her food"
"Is there anything you don't say to your sister?" Yaz laughed
"Oh she wanted to know everything...Here give the plate Yaz...She knows everything about my. All of it...There's stuff I didn't feel comfortable talking about with my brothers...You know...but I told her everything...So now she's burning up to ask"
"Here...load them up" she placed the plates on the counter "Aaaahhh I'm so hungry now....My sister was funny...cause I'm older so she would ask me about sex then get all confused cause I talked about women" she laughed
"Oh god...poor Sonya..."
"Maybe that's why she stayed pregnant" Yaz burst out laughing
"OMG..."Alex pissed herself laughing "Oh I used to ask Annie all kinda stupid stuff...I'm surprised she even told me to be honest"
"Like what?"
"Just everything....how things function" she laughed " How it feels...and she was so patient...Talking about stripping my sister of her privacy completely" she laughed "It was Annie who told me first she thinks I'm trans"
"Really?"
"Yeah" Alex sat down opposite Yaz "cause we spoke a lot and she just wanted to know what's going on with me...Why am I so fucked up...so she was the first one to say she thinks she knows what's going on...It was different then Yaz...I never even heard the word...I knew how I felt but not like it had a name"
"That's just mind blowing when you think"
"There's still many people out there Yaz who think all we are is just a bunch of men who like to put on women's clothes on and the other way around...it's sad...Many people still don't understand what it is"
"Like they think I'm just having a phase or I haven't been with a guy and I should just try it and might like it"
"Exactly..."
"Well I didn't realize Alex...not really...I just didn't have a problem with it. But all the other stuff I learned from you...by talking to you and you explaining things to me"
Alex smiled and brushed her finger over her cheek "And you were so nice to me Yazee"
"I was shitting myself I'm gonna say something wrong and upset you"
"You never did...Actually you made so many things easier cause you just come up with your silly stuff and make me laugh...like Ferrari" she giggled "That just made me crack up so much and I was so nervous"
"I don't know where that came from" she giggled "I was nervous I'm gonna hurt you...Or you're not gonna like it or I'm gonna lose you and fuck it up in the most spectacular way possible" she giggled "The struggle was real"
"You made me feel so special..." she smiled gently "I'll never forget that as long as I live Yaz" brushed her knuckles over her face "Love ya"
"Love you too"
"So how did it go with Annie?...Can't wait to see her today"
"Oh Yaz...she told me why she was here...Her daughter was diagnosed with diabetes...There here to see the specialist"
"Oh noooo..she's only little for fuck sake... bless her"
"I know...it's just making me so sad...But it's in our family...My nan had it pretty bad"
"But when it's a kid...it's totally different ..I can't imagine Prem being ill"
"I know...it's a different ball game when it's kids. So I'm taking a day off on Monday and going with her to the children's hospital"
"Alright baby.... Today we need to look at the rings...What would you like?"
"Yaz..." Alex pursed her lips and took her hand over the bar..."Listen...I chose practically everything for this wedding"
"Yes but I just wanted...."
"Hey... I know why you're doing it" she looked at her softly "...and I have no words for how much that made me feel special and how beautiful it is...But please honey...can you at least choose the rings you like...at least that...You're gonna wear it all your life and I want this to be what you truly want"
"But what if you don't like it Alex?"
"I will wear what ever ring you choose and I will love it with all my heart Yaz because it means you're mine...and that's all that matters to me"
"Oooookkkkk" she sighed and looked down to her plate
"I want this to be yours...alright? Do we have a deal?" she squeezed her hand
Yaz lifted her gaze and smiled "Alright...we have a deal"
"Goodie" Alex smiled and leaned over the bar kissing her
"But you know me and practical" she laughed
"What ever you like Yazee"
"It's probably gonna just have some line over and nothing else" she giggled
"I like lines" Alex smiled
...
Alex jumped haply when the interphone rang and rushed to open the door. Yaz took the tray out of the oven finishing the lunch.
"Hiya" Alex smiled from the top of the stairs
"Heeey...what a nice building?"
"Where's Ruby?" Alex asked confused
"She wanted to stay...she's got a mate now and they play all the time. I just left her to it"
"Doesn't want to see her auntie...oook...I'll remember that one" Alex pouted her lips messing around
"Sorry...apparently Elsa is more important than you right now" she giggled entering the flat and hugged Alex
"Who's Elsa? Her mate?"
"Nooo...Frozen" Alex looked at her confused "It's a cartoon...forget it...She's driving me nuts with it.. if I listen to Let it go one more time I’m gonna fucking scream. Yaaaaz...hey honey"
"Heeey" Yaz wiped her hands in a towel and came over
"Arrrhhh it's so nice to see you...so sorry I couldn't come yesterday...I was in so much pain"
"Don't worry about that...I get you...I used to pass out all over the place...So how's things?"
"Busy with a wedding and everything...seems like we haven't stopped since we came back....looooook" she waived her hand showing the ring
"That's so pretty..."
"I still need to make it smaller...I think I'll leave it at the jewelers now when we buy wedding rings"
"C'mere...let me show the apartment" Alex said pulled her hand
"Hey Sonya is coming at three"
"Alright darling"
"I love the apartment Alex it has this like a Nordic feel to it...with all the wood and everything is so light and airy...I love it....Aaaaaaawwww....OMG look at all our photos"
"I love those and look...from Jamie's birthday..."
"Waaaaw...the kids have grown so much...and we got old..." she laughed "Look at you two kissing...That's so beautiful Alex"
"I love that one so much...We don't look that bad...though its weird seeing yourself kiss" she giggled "It's like...oh is that what I look like" she laughed
"You look beautiful...You remember us laughing when you had your surgery and you were taking photos to see what it looks like"
"OMFG ..." Alex covered her face with hands "Stuff I made you see...you must have traumas"
"That still makes me crack up...then Jamie and Ollie were like…Can we see...?"
"I knoooow.. like fuck off no you can't" she laughed and hooked her arm to Annie's "This is the study....With all my beautiful diplomas " She smuged "And this is where Yazee works and all her Doctor Who stuff"
"OMG....no fucking way she's a right fan....And the sonics...she's got all the extended media I'm fucking jealous now" Annie's eyes grew wide
"Yeah I asked why she has so many police boxes around"
"You dope" Annie laughed "This is so impressive" she couldn't get her eyes of all the stuff
"This is the bedroom" Alex said proudly
"OMFG Alex the cot" she laughed "No waaay"
"It's for Prem...you'll see he's so cute with his little chubby chops"
"You're seriously crazy....You got everything here...Oh Aleeex...one day when you're gonna be mum.. you're gonna be a puddle on a floor"
"I knooow...I can't wait Annie...I want it now...But Yazee is not there yet"
"Give her time Alex...she's only 29...she wants to enjoy in you first...and you should be fucking flattered"
"I am...I am...god am I..."
"Sooo...come on you little fucker...you have nice apartment but where's the dreeeeees"
Alex laughed "Alright...alright..."
"And I don't just wanna see it on a hanger either...I wanna see you in it"
"Alright....but don't look" Alex wiped her top off straight away and pulled down her jeans throwing them on the floor
"Just tell me when to turn around" Annie stood exited in the middle of the room
"Right...turn" Alex smiled
Annie turned around and covered her mouth with her hand "Oooh myyy gooood" she sighed and started crying "You look...huh..." she wiped her tears
"Pleaseeee don't cry" Alex said as she felt tears in her own eyes as well
"Alex....you're fucking stunning" she reached for her hand and laced their fingers making Alex turn around "You're beautiful ..so fucking beautiful" she pulled her in for her hug as Alex kept smiling silly and tears ran down her cheeks
They were lying on the bed with Alex still in her wedding dress resting her head on her sister's shoulder playing with their fingers chatting "Do you miss old me sometimes?" she asked quietly "You know...my old face...I'm not gonna get upset if you do I just wondered...I never asked you that...A bit selfish really"
"It's not selfish Alex" she kissed the top of her head "I do sometimes when I go into memories...it's different from my perspective...I know it's all you...you haven't changed...you have physically but you're still my Alex...But..." she paused trying to find words to express how she feels and Alex looked up to her
"But?"
"It's wired because in a way you do mourn that person...It's stupid I know...Because you haven't died your right here.. But it's weird how brain works at that point...There was a moment there when I was was sad and thought...omg I'm losing my baby brother...but then I thought...you were always really my sister...you never were my brother" she looked at her and Alex smiled "It's fucking title someone gave you...that's all it was"
"I didn't know what I was half of the time"
"Your heart new Alex...you just didn't know how to verbally express it...this in here always new" she put her hand on her heart "But I love all your faces Alex too me they will always be all you"
Alex wiped a tear again and wrapped her arm around her "I love you so much...And I really miss you...this isn't easy and it's nit fair we have to be all separated"
"I miss you too.. every day... especially now I need you so much next to me...But you had to go Alex...that place is not for you...Look at you. You live here and breathe and you've changed so so much"
"I feel like me here...I was telling Yaz that...Back home my past haunts me on every corner"
"I know honey"
Yaz came to the bedroom door quietly "Hi...sorry to interrupt you but food is done"
"You're not Yazee...sorry I left you like that" Alex got up "I need to take the dress off"
"Thank you so much Yaz" Annie said
"It's alright I more had to keep an eye on it than anything else...Get yourself sorted I'm gonna set the table"
"God we're so rude" Annie said when she left "Poor love we're here for an hour"
"I know...I feel so bad now...Let's go"
Alex came to the kitchen and stood behind Yaz wrapping her arms around her "So sorry for that...that was rude" she squashed her face into her cheek
"Noooo...don't be silly..." she turned her head and kissed her softly "Here...set the plates...Love ya"
"Love you too"
....
Annie left and Alex was tiding up putting everything in a dishwasher. "Lie down Yazee...you must be in pain...I'll do this" she took the plates out of her hand and kissed her cheek "Love you" she nuzzled her face into her cheek smiling
"Love you too...that was so nice"
"It waaaas...god I miss my family. You're so lucky Yaz to have yours here and you can see them all the time"
"I know...it's fucked up isn't it" Yaz lied on a sofa and unbuttoned her trousers
"Yaaaaaaz...please honey...go and change. What did I say to you about restricting your uterus...It will just hurt more...go put a pajama on or something"
"Yes mummy" she giggled and got up
"You're gonna thank me later.." she shook her head laughing
.....
Alex jumped off the ground when the interphone rang and ran around the bar straight to rhe door and downstairs to help her with stuff.
"Hiya...Where's my little chubby chops?"
"Hey...here hold him so get the pram up"
"Oh no you won't...I'll do that"
"Alex...noo..."
"Don't be silly....go on, go up" she nodded and grabbed the pram with both hands
"Isn't that heavy?"
"Yaz keeps asking me this...I was a man remember...I'm stronger than you" she smiled
"It still blows my mind that...You have to tell me everything"
She giggled "Alright..."
"Can I see the pictures?"
"I'd show you but my mum has them...Yaz said I looked like my twin brother" she was saying as they were going up
"Waaaw....Oh...he just ate loads so no need to feed him before six"
"Alright...no problem...he let's me know"
"I know he's clever when it comes to food"
"I wanna buy a car seat...Yaz is gonna go nuts" she laughed "but I need help I don't know what to buy"
Sonya laughed all the way to the apartment "Alright...we can go together"
"Brilliant...yes please"
"Alex you don't need to spend your money on Prem like that seriously"
"But I want toooo...I work really hard Sonya...I always have...I don't go nowhere....I don't party, don't drink, don't do nothing...and this makes me happy...So I wanna spend my money on this" she said as they walked inside
"You're really crazy Alex but you're so fucking sweet...you care about him more than his own dad"
"What's with him?"
"He's pretending Prem and me don't exist...Last I herd from him was when I told him I'm not getting rid of the baby"
"My sister has a same thing you know...She was married and he left when Ruby was born...just picked up and left"
"Men can be seriously wankers...not all men...My dad is the best man I've ever known"
"Well mine wins in a wanker competition" Alex said and took Prem kissing him all over
"Oh...hiiii...I was in a shower" Yaz came up hugging her sister
"Hey..."
"Hello you” she kissed Prems cheek “...We got you some new stuff cause your auntie Alex can't help herself" she giggled and pressed his cheeks between her fingers
"I was telling Alex...he ate so no need to feed him before six and thaaaaank you for this"
"No problem" Yaz said and glanced across the room laughing at Alex who was not present anymore "She's off"
"I know...she's so sweet...I have to go"
"Where are you going?"
"You know that place where we used to go before I was pregnant where they make really nice cocktails and they serve those nice little nick knacks?....I can't fucking remember the name now"
"Me neither but yes I know what you mean...When you and me were having olive racing competition over the bar?" Yaz laughed
"Yeeees...that's it"
"Aaa that's nice...Ok...well, have a blast and see you tomorrow at some point"
"It won't be early"
"I know, that's fine....Prem will keep us up so we will need some sleep as well...He seems to fall asleep at dawn"
"He does around five...but at least he's fine between five and eleven....Bye darling" Sonya hugged Alex and kissed the baby "And you get spoiled here anyway so I'm not gonna say anything"
"Bye Sonya" Alex smiled "I'll ask my mum about the photos"
"Really? OMG I'm dying to see those...I'm not being awkward am I?....Please tell me to fuck off off I am"
"Nooo..." Alex laughed "You're not...don't worry about it"
"Alright babe see ya"
....
And hour later Alex was lying on a sofa with Prem across her chest and Yaz lying on her stomach watching some Doctor Who episodes as they stopped when they were on a holiday and now continued. Prem fell asleep after Alex played with him for almost an hour and she enjoyed in running her fingertips up and down his tiny back as his chubby feet were hanging from each side of her chest and every so often, he would stick his foot into Yaz's face making them both laugh.
Yaz looked up at one point and saw Alex had fallen asleep with her arms wrapped around him. She was worried about her, being overworked leightly as she was doing a lot of over time for the past week. Alex did warn her that when it comes to autumn her schedule will change but Yaz wasn't prepared for her working so hard.
"Hey... Alex woke up half hour later and smiled
"Morning sunshine" Yaz smiled and kissed her stomach
"He is still out...OMG Yaz this is so cute to have him on my chest like this"
"I knoooow you two were snoring together" she giggled
"We have to wake him up...I need to give him a bath and feed him"
"I know....also if we let him sleep now he won't close his eyes the whole night"
"Uuuu...haven't thought about that" she kissed his forehead and ran her fingertip over his nose "Heeey...wakey wakey...come on chubby chops..."
Yaz slowly got up and placed a small kiss to his back rubbing her fingers over his shoulder "OMG...he's so fucking out of it" she laughed
"I knoooow.. look look...he can't keep his eyes open...Yaz I'm gonna crush him...I love this baby so much"
"Babe you're gone a loooong time ago...he bought you the minute he was born" she leaned over and kissed her shortly "And you're fucking adorable"
"Mmmmm...I can't help it" she slowly got up and the baby started to come around then started to cry "Yes I know...Someone did the pooping...you smell it...right?...We can too" she laughed
"Alright..." Yaz yawned stretching herself "you get him prepared I'll make a bath....then you wash him and I'll prepare the bottle...deal?"
"Sure you don't wanna bath him Yaz?"
"Come on Alex...seriously? Do you want me to give him a bath?...Be honest"
"Nooooo" she giggled
"Exactly..." she laughed "Come on let's go"
"I won't be so possessive when we have the baby Yaz...I just don't have him all the time"
"I fucking hope not...cause if I'm having a kid I'm not being just a baby carrier you know"
"I should certainly hope not Yaz"
"Good...so knock yourself out now cause when it comes to our own you will have to learn how to share your toys"
"Absolutely" she laughed as they came to the bedroom
...
"Hey mum" Yaz put the phone on a kitchen top and turned it to loud speaker "I'm just making food for Prem...Alex is giving him a bath"
"That's so sweet Yaz, how are you getting along?"
"Alex is in heaven" she laughed "She's not letting him go. He fell asleep on her on a sofa we couldn't wake him up"
"She's really into kids isn't she? Sonya told me what she bought. I heard you're getting a car seat"
"Are we?" She asked confused
"Anyway Yaz...have you called your nan?"
"Noooo...but I promise I'll call her tomorrow"
"Please honey, she's really on my case"
"Oh god...alright...look I'll call her I promise. We had a lot on our plate mum"
"I know...but you're managing...everything is pretty much done now"
"I can't believe it to be honest...but yeah...we got there in the end...I have to go mum"
"Alright honey...Night night"
"Night mum"
She picked up the bottle and headed to the bedroom. She found Alex dressing up Prem on a bed and giggling tickling and kissing him.
"Hey you two...food is done...having a moment?"
"I love him so much Yaz" she smiled as she picked him up
"Who wouldn't love those chubby legs...look at those..." Yaz kissed kiss chubby foot "Here you go babe...I'll dim the lights for you"
"Thank youuuu....Hey...wait" Alex tugged her hand and pulled her in "Love ya..." she smiled and kissed her shortly
"Love you too"
She left the room and lied on a sofa waiting for Alex. She heard her singing to Prem through the baby monitor and smiled. It took a while before Alex came back to the living room absolutely beaming and crawled onto sofa lifting Yaz's top kissing her belly then continued all the way up to her lips settling herself on top of her "I'll get off if your tummy hurts"
"No it's fine, stay...I like this" she said running her hands over her shoulders and threw her hair "You're tiered baby...we should go to bed soon"
"We will...just wanted a cuddle" she hummed into her and kissed a side of her breast wrapping her arms around her
"What's wrong?" Yaz asked trailing her fingers over her back gently
"Nothing...I think I'm just a bit emotional with Annie being here. I really miss my family Yaz"
"I know you do...I mean technically it hasn't been long since you moved."
"Nooo...and I lived there all my life...I do love living here I do. I just sometimes wish I could transport all of them here...It's silly..."
"It's not...My family drives me nuts sometimes, but I would really miss them if I moved like you have" she ran her fingers through her hair gently
"It's not the same to just talking on a phone...I miss hugging them and just having them around me. And sometimes I feel like I'm gonna miss their whole life...You know, kids will grow...things happen and you're not there. And my mum Yaz...I don't want to miss the time I have with her. One day she'll be gone...and nobody can replace her in my life...and I feel like I'm just gonna...." she choked on her tears
"Heeeey...look at me baby" she put her finger underneath her chin and lifted her gaze
"Mmmmm?"
"Listen...after the wedding...let's just make a plan ok...We already spoke about this....let's make a plan and go there more often or have her come over here"
"Pleaseeee...I know is silly I'm a grown woman..."
"It's not...specially for you Alex...Your family is your whole life...I can see that now...I'm not so emotionally attached to my family...I am but not like you...I haven't been through shit like you...and I couldn't wait to move out" she laughed "But you're different...and that's ok"
"Maybe I'll just get used to it with time" she lied back down on her chest
"Even if you don't it ok ..I actually think it's really beautiful...Like today when I saw you and Annie...That's so special what you two have"
"It is...and she really needs me now"
"I know...soooo...we're gonna make it work....I promise"
Alex climbed up her body and gazed at her rolling her curls through her fingers "What would I do without you, ha?"
"Fold towels for an hour" she laughed "Mind you, you still do"
Alex kissed her slow and gentle while her hand was roamed all over her gently and slipped underneath her top "Mmmm..." Yaz whimpered into her lips "This kinda kissing should be illegal when I'm on" she giggled
"Oh, sorry"
"Don't say sorry you silly sod “ she laughed moving her hair from her face tucking it behind her ears "Two more weeks" she smiled "And you will be legally mine"
Alex grinned and reached for her hand lacing their fingers together "I think I still don't get it"
"Nooo...it's crazy" she laughed "I think we're still on drugs"
"I think we broke the world record...and what is it I said to you...I wanna take think slow" she laughed and buried her face into her chest
"Well if this is slow Alex...what's fast?"
Alex kept laughing silly "Iiii knooow"
"I love you so much" Yaz said sifting her hair through her fingers gently
"I adore you...I'm so happy Yazee"
"Me too baby....but you're gonna fall asleep like this...you're dying...come on...Let's go to bed...Also the little chubby will wake us up all night"
"I suppose you're right" she got up and pulled her up wrapping her arms around her waist and kissing her cheek playfully the way to the bedroom
“Also…I hear we are getting a car seat?” she raised her eyebrow.
Alex grinned silly.
“You’re beyond help” Yaz laughed.
....
Yaz woke up in the middle of the night to find Prem again between them with his face tucked into Alex's and his tiny hand on her cheek. It was the cutest thing she'd ever seen. She wrapped her arm around them both and fell asleep again.