The sun burst through the clouds, and the early autumn breeze carried the scent of leaves fallen to the wet grass. The flowers faded as the rain wiped away their petals. 

Alex absorbed the cool morning air. She closed her eyes and relaxed on the comfortable cushion of the old wooden chair, listening to the bird’s chatter. Her fingers, little red from the cold peeking out from beneath the hem of her jumper clutching her knees, but she didn't mind the cold, she was enjoying the stillness of the dawn.

 

 

"Here you go baby." 

 

She looked up with a soft smile "Smells so nice" she said taking a cup of hot tea from Yaz's hand. 

 

"Careful, don't burn your fingers...It's really hot" she said as she settled in her lap "It's so cold today." 

 

"I don't mind it...Clears my head" she said taking a sip of tea and leaving a cup on a small table "You didn't have to get up...I'm glad you did...but didn't have to Yazee" 

 

"I don't mind it... I never get to see the sun rise...it's beautiful..." 

 

"So still...I love it...smells like rain again" she said looking up at the sky..." 

 

"Happy were staying longer?" 

 

"Mmmmmm...I am. Just not happy how we got here" she said wrapping her arms around her 

 

"I'm glad they're not making problems for you at work" 

 

"Noo...they've been so sweet actually" 

 

"That's nice" 

 

"It is...I'm just worried I'm gonna have to answer millions of questions now Yazee..and I don't wanna talk about this" she rubbed her face onto her shoulder 

 

"You won't baby...People are not that stupid...everyone half normal will know this is not something you wanna discuss." 

 

"I hope so...cause I can't deal with that at best of times" 

 

"You won't" 

 

Alex pressed a long kiss to her neck with a sigh and rested her head on her shoulder "It doesn't seem like it's been a week" 

 

"I knoooow...it doesn't, does it...oh...it started to rain" she said looking up at the sky 

 

"Wanna go back to bed?" 

 

"Yeaaaah...it's fucking cold here" 

 

"It is a bit" she said as Yaz tugged on her hand pulling her up 

 

 

.... 

 

 

"Hey babe, take the pot out of the booth will ya" Yaz said getting into Charlie's house 

 

"Oh yeah..." 

 

"Been driving it around for a week now" 

 

"I knoooow I'm gonna almost miss it" she said and pushed the door open "Heeey" 

 

"Hi honey!" Charlie yelled from the kitchen 

 

"Hi..." Yaz came up behind her kissing her cheek "You're making apple pie by any chance?" she looked into the sink filled with apples 

 

"Yap" she smiled 

 

"Yummy" 

 

"Hey mum" 

 

"Hey baby" she wiped her hands in a kitchen towel and turned around opening her arms for Alex 

 

"How are you baby?" she asked softly brushing her palm over her cheek 

 

"I'm fine mum, don't fuss...Got your pot back finally" she smiled 

 

"It was about time...Go on...set the table before the food gets cold...Also..." she walked into the hallway and picked up a letter then handed it to Alex "This came for you" she looked up at her with a twitch in her lip 

 

Alex took the envelope and opened it turning towards the wall. 

 

"What's going on?" Yaz asked 

 

Alex read it quickly rolling her lips between her teeth nervously "It's just...you know...to do with dad" she folded the letter shoving it in the back pocket of her jeans "Come on...let's eat" she draped her arm over Yaz's shoulder and kissed her temple 

 

"Is everything alright?" She looked at her worryingly. 

 

"Yeah..." she smiled "I just don't wanna lose my appetite" 

 

"You would tell me if you were in trouble? ....Right" Yaz asked panicky rubbing her hand over Alex's stomach 

 

"Yes sweet pea...of course I would...It's for the court hearing...that's all...Relax, I'm not in trouble...jet...it's just...it's too much for my mind right now...that's all" she squeezed her tight with her arm and placed a long kiss to the side of her head "Let's eat" 

 

"I hope he never sees the light of a day" Charlie said from the kitchen 

 

"Mum...can we not now?" Alex said putting plates on the table 

 

"Sorry baby..." 

 

"That's ok...just...I wanna go one day without thinking about it...or few days preferably" 

 

Yaz placed glasses on the table and ran her hand down Alex's arm gently kissing her shoulder. Alex glanced at her with gentle smile. 

 

"She's just worried...we all are" Yaz whispered barely audible.

 

"I knoooow..."Alex smiled giving her a shot kiss 

 

"Help me with salad?" 

 

"Sure" 

 

"So how long did you take off?" Charlie asked as she was placing baking tray with chicken on a table 

 

"I can only take another week mum...Even now I'm pushing it...I had my vacation, then I took time off for wedding....this couldn't come at the worst time....I had to find replacement, thankfully my mate will do it" 

 

"Well at least it's a week" 

 

"It is...but I'm not getting paid" 

 

"Why not?" 

 

"Cause you don't get paid for taking unpaid leave mum" she chuckled 

 

"We decided she's gonna take unpaid cause she’s in no state to go back to work yet...and in a mean time I'm starting work tomorrow" Yaz said "...So I'll be working from here and I also took on another project part time through agency." 

 

"There's a lot going on mum...I'm selling the apartment we have to move this month...I have this fucking court now...So I'll have to drive backwards and forwards..." 

 

"Well Jamie said the court should be fine Alex and they have CCTV footage" 

 

"Muuuum...I broke his nose, collar bone and two of his ribs...It's not fine..." 

 

"He attached you Alex, threatened you and her, smashed your car..." 

 

"Maaa..." Alex yelled "It's not that simple.... His lawyer will say it was me who put him in a hospital....not the other way around...it's just complicated..." 

 

"Were you supposed to let him put you there instead Alex? Stub cigarettes on you, spit in your face, beat you up...." 

 

"Nooo...that's not what I said...it's not.... it’s  complicated mum..." 

 

"How is it complicated Alex?....Cause if that's the case then fuck that kind of justice" she yelled smacking her fist on a table "Then why didn't I just fucking kill him when I had the fucking chance and spared you of all this shit" 

 

"Charlie" Yaz grabbed her hand on the table "What Alex is trying to say is that they will try throwing this back at her...it's their job" 

 

"Muuuum please...look...it's gonna be fine...I'm just stressed...There's so much more to this" 

 

"More of what Alex?....Aleeex...More of what?...." she looked at her then Yaz "What are you not saying to me?" 

 

"Mum please" 

 

"Alex!" she yelled "WHAT IS GOING ON?" 

 

Alex looked at Yaz then down to the table "He said down the shop he's gonna kill me" Alex said 

 

"Whaaaat?" Charlie blinked 

 

"I wasn't gonna tell you..." Alex said 

 

"Why wouldn't you tell me? ....What the hell Alex...Spit it out Alex...what did he say? Who said that?" 

 

"His mate down the shop" Alex looked up at her mother "...He came over to the house...He said that earlier that day, dad came down the shop drunk saying he's gonna finish it once and for all. Finish me. He said it in front of all the guys there. They just thought he's rambling as usual...Didn't take it seriously until they heard what happened." 

 

"Is he gonna go and say this to the police? Or other guys?" 

 

"He already has...Not sure about the others" Yaz said "So we're hoping this is all gonna go smooth...It should...it's just really stressful for Alex" 

 

"When did you two plan on telling me any of this?" Charlie asked getting up and walked up to the sink 

 

Alex and Yaz just looked at each other and Alex got up walking up to her mum. 

 

"Mum" she said quietly and put her hand on her shoulder 

 

"Don't you mum me Alex" she turned around "I lived with that fucking psycho for yeeeears Alex....Don't you think I know what he's capable of? Why do you think I sent you packing?" 

 

"I knoooow" 

 

"Why do you think I was shaking every time you left that door...every time you didn't answer your phone, every time you had to come home late from work.... Why do you think I beat myself up every single day for not killing him when I had the chance...." 

 

"I knoooow muuuum.... I just..." 

 

"Just what Alex? Wanna spare me?" 

 

"Yeeees....Yeeees.... I doooo....at least of this ..this is my shit to resolve maa....I lost it...I did this..." 

 

"What the fuck are talking about Alex?" she yelled "What?" she shook her head "Are you fucking ashamed of what you've done? ...Is that what this is all about?" 

 

"I mangled him mum...I nearly killed him I'm not proud of it" 

 

"So what if you did? Wtf Alex?...That could've been you...That would've been you...It almost was you Alex...So what if you mangled him... 

It's shame you didn't mangle him more...I'm fucking proud of you Alex...I'm proud you had the balls doing what I should've done" she yelled slamming her hand on the kitchen top "...I'm proud you wiped the fucking floor with him and that he's all broken and fucked up and I wish I could go and piss on his fucking grave!!...." she screamed smacking the kitchen top as tears rolled down her cheeks. 

 

"Oh god" Alex pulled her into her chest squeezing her tightly 

 

"I wish I could...piss on his grave...cause then it would be over" she sobbed in Alex's shoulder 

 

"It's alright mum..." she squeezed her as tight as she could "It will be over...it will mum" 

 

She looked up at her cupping her face "If anything would've happened to you..." she stroke her face crying 

 

"I'm fine mum...I knoooow...I love youuuu" 

 

"I love you too baby...so much" 

 

"C'mere" Alex pulled her onto her chest again 

 

 

.....

 

 

The rain was pounding down the old wooden windows, somber clouds shielded the sun making the bedroom dark. Alex lied on the bed, her fingers clutching the pillow, listening to the water tapping into a pot on a floor. The roof was leaking, it would need fixing when the rain stops, she was trying to remember where the tall ladder was. Maybe fixing the roof could move her from her thoughts. She never fixed the roof before, but there was a first time for everything. If she could deliver babies and fix cars, how hard would it be changing a few old roof tiles. She was distracting herself and she knew it. She wanted breath in the sweet scent of her wife's hair, feel her skin underneath her palms and the softness of her lips on hers, to drown herself underneath her sinking into the freshly washed sheets. But instead, she was sinking deep into the darkest parts of herself long forgotten, losing herself in the depths of her mind, fighting to find her way out gasping for air. 

 

"Heeeey" Yaz climbed the bed and ran her hand down her arm 

 

"Heeeey" Alex smiled over her shoulder and tugged on her wrist "C'mere" she wrapped her arm around kissing her knuckles and tucked it to her chest 

 

"The heaters are definitely working" Yaz said spooning behind her and pressed her lips to the side of her neck 

 

"We have to fix the roof" 

 

"I already called...he's coming in the morning" 

 

"Who did you call?" Alex glanced at her confused 

 

"Peter" 

 

"Whose Peter?" she frowned even more confused 

 

"My ex lover I dumped cause he wasn't sexually satisfying my needs...I realized I'm more into bike repairing chicks" 

 

Alex giggled into the pillow 

 

"But he's good with roof tiles" 

 

"That's convenient then" 

 

Yaz giggled "Your sister gave me the number...Maybe he's her ex lover" 

 

“Maybe” Alex chuckled "Well....alright then" 

 

"I got my period by the way" 

 

"It's late" 

 

"It is my human calendar" she giggled kissing her cheek and Alex giggled "Maybe just stress" 

 

"Maybe...need to keep an eye on it. Your tummy hurts?...I can make you cocoa" 

 

"With whipped cream?" 

 

"And cinnamon on a top" Alex kissed her fingertips gently leaving them by her lips 

 

"Sold..." she spoke into her shoulder "We could combine it with sofa snuggle and your choice of a movie...I need a tummy rub and I think you're in a desperate need of a cuddle" 

 

Alex turned on her back with a smile. She brushed her curls from her face tucking them behind her ear. Yaz's big brown eyes gazing at her lovingly, comforting her in ways nothing else at this moment could. Her presence by her side being her safest place in the universe, her touch releasing that heaviness pressing down on her chest, soft lips brushing against hers washing away the bitter taste from her mouth. She brought her hand to the nape of her neck and brushed her thumb down the slope of it pulling her in for a long gentle kiss. 

 

"Well... that was a passionate yes" Yaz giggled into her lips kissing her again shortly. 

 

"Come on...let's go down...cocoa?" She smiled 

 

"Tummy rub?" 

 

"In that order" Alex giggled getting off the bed tugging on her hand 

 

... 

 

After three days, the rain finally stopped, and the sun peaked through the clouds.

Alex had been up since the crack of dawn, cutting the hedge and piling the old leaves and branches by the garage. She kept herself busy these days doing various chores around the house. It helped her mind to settle as she was still fighting herself on a daily basis since her past and present collided. As days passed, she was feeling calmer, the voices in her head becoming quieter, her heart not beating so heavily or her palms sweating. Yaz was leaving her to it, not asking any questions, but knowing she was there was enough for Alex. They hadn’t talked much about the incident or the case. She didn't want to be reminded of it, instead, she just wanted to forget about it and put it in the back of her mind, where it would remain forever, along with everything else she had stored from her past.

 

Her hands were cold, her fingertips red from the crisp morning air and dew from the leaves, so she wiped them on her trousers and wrapped the thick wool cardigan about herself while she watched the fields, then smiled as Yaz squeezed her arms beneath hers, wrapping around her.

 

"Morning" she turned just enough to kiss her. She was comfy wrapped about her like a warm winter blanket on her back.

 

"Hey...I thought I'd find you here" she said squeezing her playfully "Made breakfast" 

 

"Did ya?" she smiled exited 

 

"Yap...eggs on toast, baked beans...the whole lot" 

 

Alex turned in her arms with a massive smile. “I’m being spoiled" she said rocking her side to side then pressed her lips to the side of her neck. 

 

"Mmmmmm...Aleeex..."Yaz sighed bringing her palm to the side of Alex's neck closing her eyes "You do want that breakfast?" she giggled 

 

"Can't I have both?" She giggled into her neck 

 

"Suppose you can" 

 

.....

 

 

A week flew by faster than Alex had hoped, and they only had a few days before they had to return. She walked out of the tub and wrapped herself in a towel. Her hair was curled by hot steam, but she opted to leave it wavy for a change.

 

 

"Hey, I'm done soon" Yaz said "....I just need to send this across" 

 

"Don't worry...it's just Annie" she said leaving the towel on the bed 

 

Yaz glanced at her in the mirror of the makeup desk where she was working. After staring at the computer all day, it was both distracting and aesthetically pleasing.

 

"You know I'm always late" 

 

"Well..." Alex pulled her knickers on and arched over the chair kissing her head "That's just my Yazee" 

 

....

 

 

Yaz rubbed her knuckles across Alexs’s cheek as they drove. She hasn't been out of the house in almost a week.

 

"I'm alright" she turned with a smile "Honest." 

 

"Just worried about you, that's all" she ran her hand through her hair stroking the back of her neck gently 

 

"I knoooow...But I've been through worse Yazee, this isn't gonna beat me to the ground...I also didn't have you then" she smiled "And now I do" 

 

"That you definitely do...But its my job to worry" 

 

Alex quickly leaned over kissing her briefly.

 

She parked on a road infront of what Yaz found  to be the smallest and probably the cutest house she'd ever seen. It was one of those brick terraced houses in one of the old Victorian working class neighbourhoods with snow white windows and gorgeously ornate arched doors

 

"Babe...I can't open the booth" Yaz said 

 

"Fuck sake" Alex slammed the car door "It's fucking around since.... Never mind" she shook her head "...I'll have to get it fixed as soon as we come back home" 

 

She fiddled with it for a while until she finally got it open "There Yazee....Sorry...I'm just...." she trailed off leaning on the car 

 

"Heeeey..." Yaz said softly bringing her hand to the side of her neck "It's alright baby..." 

 

"No, it's not" Alex grabbed her wrist "I'm not myself" 

 

"No you're not...but nobody would be. And you're doing great all things considered. Give yourself a break" she kissed her forehead and grabbed the gift bag out of the back "You've got a lot on your plate Alex....Come on" she reached for her hand "Let's have some fun" 

 

"Love ya" 

 

"Love you too" 

 

"Hey sweetie" Annie smiled to Yaz opening the door 

 

"Heeeey girl....I love your house...It's so cute" 

 

"Thanks babe....come on in" she moved to the side then her eyes caught up with her sister 

 

"Hiya" Alex waived her hand pursing her lips 

 

"C'mere you" she grabbed her shoulder pulling her into embrace. 

 

"Heeeey" Alex squeezed her tight 

 

"I love you...so fucking much...I hope you know just how fucking much" she said holding her face between her palms 

 

"I dooo...I love you too" 

 

"Don't cry" she said wiping her cheeks "Not today...Fuck him...You're a winner...we all fucking are" 

 

"Mmmmm" Alex nodded as her sister draped her arm over her shoulder "Come on...made your favorite cheese cake" 

 

"Did ya?" Alex smiled 

 

"Oh yeah..." 

 

"Where's Ruby?" 

 

"She's having her Japanese classes today" 

 

"She's still into that?" 

 

"I'm still convinced I'm wasting my money" 

 

"You never know...Look at Ollie...Mum paid all that money for his violin classes" 

 

"He doesn't play violin Alex" she frowned confused 

 

"Exactly" Alex laughed "But he does bass" 

 

"You silly fuck" she laughed 

 

 

...

 

 

"How are you darling?" Annie asked as they sat at the table 

 

"Depends if you ask me in the morning or in the evening" 

 

"I knoooow you don't wanna go on about it. What's going on...just please tell me quickly cause mum's making no sense" 

 

"Police asked if I'm gonna press changes...I have...buuut he then pressed charges against me for GBH" 

 

"Fucking cunt!..." 

 

"I knoooow...but I expected it...It was that or letting him walk" 

 

"Are you in trouble?....Surely they're not gonna...." 

 

"Well...I'm hoping not...but I did mangle him Annie...the thing is that you're allowed to use reasonable force in self-defense....Question is how reasonable I was...and we all know I wasn't...was I?" 

 

"That's debatable Alex...Iff you haven't fucking kicked him to the ground he would've fucking killed you and he did go for Yaz" 

 

"I knoooow...you know...she knows...will the judge see that, Annie? Or she will see this as pure vendetta. I'm shitting myself" 

 

"There's guys from the car shop..." Yaz said "They gave statements, two of them...and they have cctv footage from the parking" 

 

"But we're not gonna know are we?....I'm so scared Annie...I just got my life...I was finally happy...I really fucked myself up here...prim and proper this time" 

 

"Heeeey" she reached for her hand across the table "It's gonna be fine...if not they do have conjugal visits" she burst out laughing 

 

"Fuck off Annie!" Alex laughed 

 

"C'mere you" she pulled her in "You're gonna be fine...you'll see" 

 

"Aleeeex!!!" Ruby ran through the door and threw herself on her 

 

"Hey baby.... Missed ya so much" she said kissing her cheek "Haven't seen you since the wedding" 

 

"I miss you too...Can't  you just move back?" 

 

Alex glanced at Annie sadly "Hey...tell you what. Yazee and me are buying a house....so you can come over and stay...How's that?" 

 

"Deal" she gave her high five 

 

"Hi Yazee" she walked over hugging her 

 

"Hey sweetie...Love the braids...I reeeally love those girl...might get those myself" 

 

"I can take you to the same lady who did mine...we can go together" 

 

"We could" 

 

"Muuuum...can I take Yazee to my hairdressers?" 

 

"Sure you can baby" she smiled "Next thing she'll want new color" she whispered to Alex laughing 

 

"That's fine...I'll get them for her" Alex winked at her sister 

 

"Hey Alex look" she rolled her t-shirt proudly showing her glucose monitor 

 

"Waaaw...that's actually pretty, I love the little flowers on it...goes with your hair" 

 

"I'm not crying anymore" 

 

"I always knew you're a tough little cookie" Alex hugged her tightly then lifted her in her lap "I'm so proud of you...you know that?" she said kissing her cheek "Well sweet pea, you should book that hairdresser soon before we go" 

 

"I will" Yaz smiled 

 

"I'll give you the number, there just around the corner, the woman specializes in all kids of braids. Some of my mate's got o her" 

 

"Thanks for that" 

 

Alex's phone rang and she quickly picked it up giving Ruby kiss on her cheek, she popped her down on the floor and went out into the garden “Hey did you get it?" 

 

"Yeah, got it" Ollie said 

 

"And this other thing" 

 

"Yeah...it was the last one. It's getting delivered in two days" 

 

"Oh god you're a savior. When you get it let me know and I'll just come and it early in the morning" 

 

"Noooo....don't bother I'll just come over and give it to you" 

 

"Thank you so much for that...Love you" 

 

"I love you too. How are you honey? Are you getting any sleep?" 

 

"If I drug the shit out of myself yes...But you know I hate those things" 

 

"I know but right now you need them, Alex. Don't torture yourself.” 

 

"I'm more torturing Yazee if I'm really honest. She's got nerves like an elephant I'll tell you.... I’m not easy to be around right now" 

 

"Don't be stupid Alex...You're not torturing anyone...Go on go...or she's gonna think you've got a secret lover" he laughed. 

 

"Yeah right...they're all lined up waiting only for me" she chuckled "love ya" 

 

"Love you too" 

 

She hang up the phone with a smile and went back to the house 

 

"Hey baby...is everything alright?" Yaz asked worried 

 

"You ok babe?" Annie asked 

 

"Yeah, don't worry sweet pea" she leaned over the chair kissing her "Just Ollie" 

 

"Gave me heart attack for a moment" Annie sighed relieved 

 

"It's fine. He just needs to bring me something that's all" 

 

That night Yaz couldn't sleep. Most nights since neither of them could. Or Alex would wake up screaming then finally fall asleep exhausted. 

 

 

....

 

 

There was a sunny day for a change this afternoon and quite warm outside. Yaz was still working upstairs so Alex was making dinner. She was cooking one of Yaz's favorite dishes, spicy panko chicken drumsticks with mashed potatoes. It was a modest pleasure as she felt guilty that everything after the wedding felt so dull leaving a sour taste in their mouths. None of them had envisioned their little honeymoon like this and Alex felt like screaming just thinking about it. She had it all planned, a nice romantic dinner and Yaz's choice of movie or Doctor Who for the 500th time, she didn't care as long as it made her happy. She glimpsed towards the kitchen cupboard where she was hiding one other special surprise, she had for her. 

 

After finishing all the food, she moved the coffee table away from the sofa and threw loads of cushions on the floor around it. They both preferred keeping things casual ever since they met so floor dining was their idea of a romantic dinner. Oven pinged and Alex rushed to take out a dessert, brownies with vanilla ice cream was a choice of a day. Something which she knew Yaz will lose her head over and probably end up licking the baking tray at some point. It was all ready apart from Alex who was in desperate need of a shower after hours of cooking. 

 

"Heeeey..." Yaz smiled as Alex walked into the bedroom "Something smells nice? I'm drooling over my computer here" 

 

"I knoooow...it's gonna be worth the wait promise...it's all done by the way. I just stink at this point it's not attractive" she said wiping her t-shirt off 

 

"That's ok stinky...go take a shower" she giggled "...I literally have another 15, 20 minutes and I'm done" 

 

"Alright I'll be quick" 

 

She quickly took a shower and got changed into her pajamas then ran downstairs before Yaz to put the food on the plates, dim the lights and light up the candles. 

 

"Waaaaawww....is this a date night?" Yaz smiled as she walked into the hallway and glanced at the living room 

 

"Yap" Alex smiled grabbing her waist and rotating her towards the room so she can't see what's on the kitchen counter 

 

"Oh waaaw...I wasn't expecting that baby.... Floor date..." she smiled exited 

 

"Floor date gorgeous...Right...make yourself comfy and I'll bring the food" she kissed her cheek and rushed onto the kitchen then came back few moments after with the plates 

 

"Nooo waaaay....my drumsticks" 

 

"Aha" Alex smiled 

 

"I thought something smelled familiar....I can't believe you made them from scratch" 

 

"Let me just get the salad...Oh...there's a desert as well" she winked swinging from the door frame 

 

"What did I do?" Yaz yelled as Alex disappeared behind the door 

 

She placed the salad on the table leaning over kissing her gently "Everything..." she smiled into her lips "...You did everything." 

 

"Baby..." Yaz grabbed her wrist pulling her down "this is...well...perfect...but I don't expect this now. Honestly Alex" she brought her hand to her neck gently "I know you're in no mood for dates and romance" 

 

"Well, no... I wasn't...to be honest I wasn't emotionally present most of the time. But you need this...we need this...I've been dragging myself around long enough..." she stroke her palm over Yaz's cheek "So today I'm spoiling my wife cause she absolutely deserves it..." 

 

"C'mere charmer...you're so fucking adorable you know that" she pulled her into a long kiss parting with a smile 

 

"There's something else as well" Alex said and rushed back into the kitchen 

 

"What's going on here?" she laughed as Alex disappeared again 

 

"Close your peepers" she said from the door 

 

"Alright" she giggled putting hands over her eyes 

 

"Noooo...Close your peepers and put your hands out" 

 

Yaz laughed ad reached her arms out 

 

She placed a box in her hands and put the blue envelope on the top "Alright open" 

 

"OMG...what is this? Aleeeex baby....whyyyy? I'm meant to be spoiling you not the other way around" 

 

"You are.... Just pleaseeee open it or I'm gonna die" 

 

"Alright silly billy...which one first?" 

 

"The box" she grinned haply parking her bum on a floor next to Yaz 

 

Yaz squeaked when tore the paper "No fucking way...noooo...come ooon..." 

 

"Handmade limited addition 11th" she said proudly smiling 

 

"Aleeeex..." she threw herself at her then showered her face on kisses 

 

"This isn't all" she laughed as Yaz was squeezing her cheeks between her palms ".... open the envelope" she tapped it exited 

 

Yaz opened it and covered her mouth with a hand bursting with tears "Baaaaby....." she looked up eyes running like waterfalls 

 

"Yazee...OMG don't cry...it's what you wanted...I thought I get you tickets and that photo thing before they sell out" 

 

"OMFG...I don't know what to say," she grabbed the back of Alex's neck pulling her into a sobbing kiss "How did you even know where to get it?" 

 

"Ollie helped me..." 

 

"Pleaseeee tell me you got it for yourself as well" 

 

"I have actually" she smiled 

 

"C'mere gorgeous" she grabbed her pajama shirt and pulled for a kiss

 

 

Later, they curled up on the sofa and talked in the dim light of a few candles. Neither of them wanted to watch anything since their minds were too preoccupied with too many thoughts, none of which were pleasant. Both simply seeking the comfort of each others presence. 

 

"Do you wanna go home? Or you'd rather stay here with your family?" Yaz asked.

She ran her thumb gently over Alex's forehead and down her nose topping it with gentle kiss 

 

"I don't knoooow...Right now I feel weird..." 

 

Alex's eyes floated across her face, filled with ki

sadness and heaviness, almost apologetically searching for forgiveness. Except Yaz struggled to understand what kind of forgiveness or apology. 

 

"I'm asking you honey because if all of this is too much right now" she pressed another kiss to her cheek "...you know...us moving...we can just stay where we are...There's gonna be other houses... you haven't signed anything yet"  

 

She exhaled deeply moving a tiny curl that has fallen over Yaz's forehead "I don't wanna put our dreams on hold Yazee..I've given up enough in his name" 

 

 

"I get that...but I'm afraid that this is all too much for you right now and going back to work...If we don't buy the house there's no pressure financially at least and you could maybe take more time off." 

 

"That's just it sweet pea I can't...house or not I have to go back...Maybe it'll do me good...get me mind of it all...." 

 

"I just worry...that's all" 

 

"Don't..." she said with a faint smile and drew her closer brushing her lips over hers lightly just enough to feel them on hers. They were warm soft and velvety and always gave her little shivers, just down there below the bellybutton.  "I'm fine as long as I have you...I have something to fight for now...it's keeping me head above the water Yazee or I'll probably go bonkers by now..." 

 

"I think you're handling all of this really well babe...better than I would that's for sure...told you, you're the strongest person I know..." 

 

"I'm definitely the most messed up person you know" Alex chuckled. 

 

"Takes one to know one babe" she giggled, then the smile disappeared as her eyes closed and she kissed her gently shifting slowly as Alex welcomed her weight pressing her onto the soft cushions of the sofa. Her leg rubbing gently on her sides and hands slipping beneath the elastic of her cotton shorts, palms mapping her curves and fingernails tracing up her spine making Yaz's toes curl as Alex deepened the kiss. She felt her heart quicken through the thin fabric of her shirt, small wooden buttons on it digging into Yaz's exposed belly. "Mmmmm..." she mumbled then sat up leaving her lips for a moment "Buttons" she giggled fumbling to release them 

 

"Sorry" Alex smiled running her palms over her sides watching her releasing one button at the time. She found a strange pleasure in it, chuckling whiles pulling playfully straps of Yaz's top down her shoulders and laughed as she just quickly pulled her arms out of them then returned her focus back on the buttons. 

 

"That's better" she smiled as the shirt flew open "View is better as well" 

 

"Mmmm" Alex chuckled looking down on herself exposed "New fashion" she laughed and tugged on her top pulling her back down onto herself 

 

"Impatient" Yaz laughed as her arms landed into the cushions splayed over Alex's head. 

 

"Maybe..." she said as her palms slid down her sides, thumbs grazing gently over her ribs "More desperate if I'm honest" she smiled locking legs around her and brushed her nose against hers 

 

Yaz dotted lips over her face “Desperate for me to kiss every inch of you until you forget your name?" she giggled wiggling her hips 

 

"Something like that" she laughed slipping her hands underneath her shorts 

 

"Bedroom?...I think I can be more creative there" 

 

"I'm not fussy" she smiled pulling her into one more kiss

 

 

....

 

 

She awoke early, her watch displaying barley six o'clock in the morning. Internal clock would never allow her to sleep late, but anxiety was now waking her up even earlier than usual. Yaz was fast asleep, her leg and arm lazily draped over Alex, her face nestled halfway up her neck. She was lying there slowly combing her fingers through Yaz's hair and watching flowers on the curtains as the sun tried to break through them, attempting to fall asleep again. She was doing her best, forcing her mind to focus on all the good and beautiful things in her life, but it was difficult. 

She eventually gave up on sleeping and cuddled up under the warm duvet for another hour before carefully untangling herself from Yaz's grip and crawling out of bed. She figured she could at least make herself useful doing little chores around the house, which was always in need of attention, so she decided to varnish the old wooden fence as it was crying out for it, especially with winter on the approach. 

 

 

Yaz got up an hour later and still in her pajamas tapped down to the kitchen. She was looking for Alex when she noticed her through the kitchen window, dressed in a blue all-in-one jumpsuit and a long-sleeved white t-shirt with her hair pulled back in a tiny ponytail. She was already halfway down the fence, which looked stunning with a fresh layer of dark chocolate varnish on it. She quickly made some tea and egg sandwiches and set them on a tray. 

 

"Morning" she said with a smile as she came out 

 

"Yazee..." Alex turned surprised "I thought you're still asleep?" 

 

"No, I have start with work...I have my hair done today, remember?" 

 

"OMG yes...I forgot" 

 

"Yeaaaah Annie is picking me up at 12 so I don’t have much time" 

 

"I completely forgot Yaz...God my brain...so I need to pick you up before going to mums?" 

 

"Yeeees" she giggled "Don't leave me there" she laughed placing a tray on the bench "Looks beautiful." 

 

"It does, doesn't it?" she said leaving the paint brush on a top of the can and wiped her hands into a cloth before walking over to kiss her "Egg sandwich?" she peaked at the tray grinning haply 

 

"Yap...I thought that's gonna cheer you up" 

 

"It is...I'm starving...thaaaaank youuuu" 

 

"My mum called, just checking are we coming back on Sunday...they're all sending you tones of love...Just called to hear how you're doing. They were worried cause they haven't heard from you" 

 

"Awwww....that's so sweet...I feel bad Yaz, I haven't been really talking to anyone...and just...dunno...I'm sorry...that's just so rude of me...I’m just so..." 

 

"I think everyone understands babe..." 

 

"She put her sandwich down as her chin started wobbling "It wasn't much of a honeymoon either...." she covered her eyes with a hand and crumbled "I'm so sorry Yazee..." 

 

"Heeeey...nooo...Alex...oh fuck, me and my mouth...that's not what meant" Yaz moved the plate away and got closer moving her hand away "It's alright...Alex...darling look at me" she lifted her gaze with her finger "Alex none of this is your fault, nobody is angry with you, just worried" 

 

"I know but..." 

 

"There's no but in this convo...You're traumatized and stressed and scared and you don't fucking need any of this shit" she cupped her face between her palms, her tears rolling between her fingers "I'm just fucked off cause I think you need more time. Everyone is just worried about you cause they love you babe...that's all...they understand baby...nobody is upset with you...nobody" 

 

"I'm just so scared and my head is in mess from all this legal stuff...and him and I keep...It's just all pouring back...I'm a mess...I want peace Yazee...and the honeymoon...it's all ruined..."

 

 

"Nooo...my god...nooo...It's not..." 

 

"It is...and I'm not myself with you or anyone" 

 

"Of course, not...who would be...Baaaaby...Look, my family understands ok...they really love you and they're fucking mortified with what happened to you. My mum asked me if we can stay for another fucking month and do we need money" 

 

"What?...Nooo, absolutely not...Please don't take any money of them" 

 

"Calm down...I didn't, and I wouldn't...But baby, they just wanna make sure you're fine.... that’s all. And all this shit about the honeymoon..." 

 

"Mmmm?" she gazed at Yaz lost, crying her eyes out 

 

"I'm loving this place...so much" 

 

"You do?" 

 

"I really do...I don't fucking wanna leave...I love being here with you in spite of everything...I just need you, anywhere. I don't fucking care if it is a cardboard box on a side of the road" she kissed the tip of her nose gently 

 

Alex chuckled through tears "We need at least apartment" 

 

"We have everything Alex, we have each other and our families and a gorgeous apartment...I don't need anything else...I don't" 

 

"I love youuuu...so much...and I will make this up to you I...mmmm" she whimpered as Yaz cut her off with a kiss 

 

"Shush" she said into her lips "Stop that shit and eat your fucking sandwich" she giggled wiping her tears "You're all read in a face like a tomato and now you're gonna get rash again" 

 

"I knoooow.... it’s a nice sandwich" 

 

"Yeah, and now it's all salty with your tears" she laughed 

 

"Extra flavour" 

 

"Yummy" she giggled brushing her knuckles over her face "You silly billy" she said wiping more tears from her face and tucking her hair behind her ear gently "...I love you so much. Please...just calm down at least over this...this is one shit you don't need to worry about...ok?" 

 

"Alright" she nodded sniffling "I need a tissue" 

 

"Serviette?" she smiled waiving it "With butterflies." 

 

"Butterflies are fine" she exhaled relieved as she was slowly calming down 

 

"So, tell me about the fence...it looks fucking new" 

 

"Mmmm" she nodded as wiped her nose and picked up the plate with food "I thought it was half rotting to be honest. I was just giving myself something to do...But it only needs few repairs...It's actually quite good. I think my granddad got some really good quality wood there"

"This whole place is so beautiful...I love it" 

 

"Me too...it's one of my favorite places...This is where I have really nice memories. We could be ourselves here all of us...Not a care in a world Yazee. My granny was so sweet, I wish you knew her. She was the kindest person" 

 

"I love my Nanny, but she can be hard work" she laughed 

 

"My nan loved flowers...that's why there's so many of them. She loved it when all the bees came...They used to have a beehive at the bottom of the garden on the other side..." 

 

"Really?" 

 

"Yeah...a long time ago...It was something of a hobby for my granddad...He only had one. But it did give a lot of honey" 

 

"Waaaaaw...this is all such a strange concept for me...I never had anyone who lived so far out...you know, who had bees and horses and made jams..." 

 

"I miss that part...a lot...When I moved...it was that park where I took you...it reminded me of this, at least little bit...I should get on...my brush is gonna get all sticky" 

 

"It alright...I need to start work... 

 

"Alright...go sweet pea...I don't wanna hold you up" 

 

"Alright" she placed few small kisses to her lips before leaving 

 

 

.... 

 

 

Yaz was rushing, she finished work way too late and Annie was already on a way. The car beeped just as she tied her hair back and grabbed the bag from the bed 

 

"Yazeeee!!" Alex yelled from downstairs 

 

"I knoooow.... I’m done" she ran down the stairs "I'm sorry...I left  a mess in a bathroom" she said kissing her shortly 

 

"Don't worry...It'll keep me busy" she smiled tapping her bum 

 

"Hey" Annie said from the door 

 

"Hi..." Alex smiled 

 

"I'm ready" Yaz smiled "Where's Ruby?" 

 

"School day.... sorry...She was gutted she couldn't come" 

 

"Of course...school...I forgot it started...oh nooo she was so excited" 

 

"I knoooow" 

 

"I’ll send her photos and I'll call her later" 

 

"How's everything honey?" She said kissing Alex's cheek 

 

"Alright I suppose" she shrugged "...How come you're not going to mums later?" 

 

"I promised Ruby, I'll take her and her mate to cinema after school...today is the only day...I’m working at the weekend"  

 

"Ooooh...will I see you before we go?" 

 

"You better" she laughed "Alright...let's go" 

 

"See you later babe" Yaz said "...Don't forget to pick me up" she smiled giving her a quick kiss 

 

"I won't cheeky" she smiled 

 

 

.... 

 

 

"How is she doing?" Annie asked as they drove 

 

"Depends on the day to be honest. She's having trouble sleeping I think that's the worst...She's keeping herself busy around the house" 

 

"Fuck sake" Annie shook her head "I think for her this was like a deja vu. It just brought all the shit back up" 

 

"It did and to be honest I think getting back to work now and buying the house at the same time is way too much for her, but she won't have it. I think we should just keep the apartment and be done with it...at least for now" 

 

"I think you will learn that Alex is a very stubborn person" Annie laughed "Partly its what got her through all the shit in her life...I doubt you're gonna be able to convince her...but you can try" 

 

"I tried...She won't hear it

 

"Look, maybe its not a bad thing Yaz, it will preoccupy her mind. Also, it's like another step forward for both of you now when you're married...I think that her apartment is now for her a part of her old life and she just wants a place that you will both make nice from start together." 

 

"Don't get me wrong I want it...so much. But timing is absolute shit" 

 

....

 

Alex was getting ready for her zoom meeting from work when her phone rang. It was her lawyer, and she could feel cold sweat and her heart pumping in her chest as she picked it up reluctantly. 

 

"Hi its me" 

 

"Hey Ravi..." she said nervously 

 

"Sit down" 

 

"I am sitting...pleaseeee don't pull on my nerves you know they are not at their best" 

 

"Girl you're cleared" 

 

"What?" 

 

"He dropped the charges" 

 

"Come again?" 

 

"He dropped the charges Alex...you father..." 

 

"OMG....whaaa...how...I don’t understand..." 

 

"Well, I spoke with his lawyer.... Given the statements from the guys at shop and the footage from the parking, he's fried anyway. But we came to agreement if he pleads guilty and drops the charges against you, they may be more lenient...If he shows remorse..." 

 

"Are you fucking joking" 

 

"Nope...all charges have been dropped as of nine o'clock today. I have everything on my desk. Go have a drink...kiss your wife. You're clear girl" 

 

Alex screamed into the phone so much the man laughed moving his phone from his ear "OMG...Ravi....thaaaaank youuuu" 

 

"It's alright Alex...I'm really glad I could help you" 

 

"Pleaseeee if you have time, I'd love to buy you dinner before we go" 

 

"Sure....Look you will still have to get down here in about two weeks...His stuff is just starting" 

 

"I knoooow I get that.... that’s fine"

 

"Alright...I'm gonna let you go...Just pop into my office tomorrow you need sign some stuff here" 

 

"Alright....thaaaaank you" She hung up the phone and raised her gaze to the ceiling. Her chest heaved as her mind tried to process what had just happened. 

 

She left the phone on the bed and went downstairs into the garden. Leaning on the old apple tree she took a deep breath and crumbled. Tears streamed down her cheeks as every bit of stress weighing against her soul erupted. For the next ten minutes, she couldn't stop crying and battled to get herself together for the meeting. 

 

 

She came back to the bedroom and picked up her phone 

 

"Yazee" she said with a shaking voice 

 

"What's wrong? Have you been crying?" Yaz sat up in a chair and signaled to the hairdresser then got op "Alex...what's going on?..." she asked walking out of the salon 

 

"I'm clear baby" 

 

"You're whaaa darling?" she asked confused 

 

"My dad...he dropped the charges.... I’m Yaaaaaz" she crumbled again crying 

 

"NO FUCKING WAY!" she yelled so loud some people on a street turned 

 

"Yazee...I'm cleared...I can't think...Mmmwhaa....I have a meeting I'm a mess I need to calm down...I..." 

 

"It's alright darling...breath...You're fine..." 

 

"The meeting....I can't think I'm so happy and exited...and" 

 

"You're gonna be fine baby...I Looooove youuuu...I just wanna fucking kiss you now...It’s over baby" 

 

"I really need that kiss now..." 

 

"I love you so fucking much...you know that..." 

 

"I love you too" 

 

"Look I'll take a cab I'll come home" 

 

"Nooo...noo...I have a meeting anyway...timing is perfect...I'll pick you up...I'll be fine...I just need to calm down" 

 

"Are you sure...fuck the hair now" 

 

"I'm sure...I need to go wash my face and make myself decent. I have 15 min" 

 

"Alright darling...love youuuu" 

 

"Love you too" 

 

....

 

 

Yaz stood along the roadside, sending pictures to Ruby. Alex was late since her work zoom meeting lasted longer than intended, and she was still shaken from the phone call. She barely recognized her standing on a corner near the florist with her back to her. Two thick French braids interlaced with blue extensions reached all the way to her waist, and she looked as adorable as ever, making Alex's heart skip a beat. She beeped, and Yaz turned startled then smiled. 

 

"Hello gorgeous" Alex smiled rolling the window down "Need a ride?" 

 

"Is that your pickup line?" 

 

"One of my best..." 

 

"Well, depends on what you're offering" Yaz lifted her brow 

 

"Lunch at the best place in town, then we see where we go from there" 

 

"Sold..." she said opening the door "What's your wife gonna say?" She said brushing her finger over her wedding band 

 

"Mmmm" Alex leaned over hooking her finger to hers pulling her closer "She's flexible" she whispered and kissed her deep and passionate 

 

"Good kisser...are you that good in other stuff?" 

 

"More or less" she giggled 

 

Yaz burst out laughing "I can't keep this up.... you silly sod...more or less" she laughed her head off 

 

Alex burst out laughing. She laughed from her heart for the first time since it all happened, and it felt so nice to be herself again. 

 

"C'mere silly" she cupped her face between her palms placing few small kisses to her lips "Love youuuu so so fucking much. You're cleeeear!" she yelled laughing 

 

"I am, I am Yazee...I'm so happy. Still haven’t told mum or anyone I’m still in shock…I’m waiting for someone to say it’s a mistake " she smiled 

 

"I still can't believe it..." she said lacing their fingers "Fuck Alex...it's over" 

 

"It' is..." she said tucking her face into her neck "I feel like I got my life back" 

 

"Now you take me to the best place in town to eat?" 

 

"Absolutely" 

 

"What about that flexible wife?" 

 

"She'll kill me" she laughed into her neck 

 

.....

 

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