"Don't worry about it, we will monitor the progress and with regular checks it shouldn't be any problems" Alex reinsured the young woman who was visibly frightened and squeezed her partners hand looking for comfort. 

 

"Thank you doctor, we really appreciate it" the man said as they got up 

 

"Thank you" 

 

"Your baby is doing really well, and we don't have long to go" Alex smiled "See you next week and just remember to rest. You have my number you can call me any time" 

 

"That means so much. Thank you. See you next week.” 

 

"Have a nice day" Alex gave them a little waive as they left her office then looked at the clock on the wall. She took a deep breath and grabbed her coat. 

 

It was snowing and cold, so she quickly buttoned herself up as she stepped outside and pulled the hood over her head as she crossed the road. Each step was harder and closer she got to the restaurant. She felt a hole opening inside her stomach and felt like she dragged her feet through mud, but she pushed through it and grabbed the door handle. It was nice and warm inside, and she shook the snowflakes which stuck to wool of her coat then darted across the restaurant looking for a familiar face. 

 

"OMG...nooo way" a familiar voice behind said and she turned relieved. 

 

"Janet" she exhaled. 

 

"You look like a deer caught in the head lights" she giggled "Come on, it's gonna be alright...I'm so happy you came." 

 

"What if I say something stupid, you don't know what I'm like.... I ramble like an idiot." 

 

"You won't" she laughed and hooked her arm with Alex's "Come on." 

 

"Wait...coat." 

 

"There's a hanger over there" she pointed. 

 

Alex walked across and took her coat off, then suddenly had an urge to run away. 

 

"This was a bad idea" she said as Janice grabbed her arm again and pulled her across the room. The restaurant was packed out, mostly with hospital staff. It was noisy, too noisy and it made her feel anxious. They walked over to the corner where two tables were put together and around 10 people sat around it chatting and laughing. 

 

"Hey...look who's here" Janet said unexpectedly and Alex felt the ground opening beneath her feet. There was no turning back and her breath got caught somewhere in her throat. She smiled nervously and muttered something between the Hiya and incoherent noise. 

 

"Aleeex" the young woman got up straight away still chewing on her last bite of food. 

 

"Hi..." 

 

"Well now I know why there's a snowstorm outside" a man smiled, and everyone suddenly started moving chairs around to make more room at the table. 

 

"We need one more chair. Can you get one John?" The other woman said. 

 

She was the young nurse whom Alex had spoken to several times. But only regarding work. Then she realized she couldn't remember her name and was desperately now trying to remember everyone's names panicked that she's forgotten few. 

 

John pushed through and grabbed the extra chair holding it above his head and made room for Alex on the opposite side of the table. 

"Come sit here love" he said. 

 

"Thanks, I appreciate it" Alex reluctantly walked around the table and moved to her designated place. It was way away from Janice and that made her feel even more uncomfortable. Like someone just removed her safety net from underneath her. 

 

"Need to order fast if you don't wanna stay hungry" one woman said and passed her the menu "Fish and chips is fast and fantastic" she pointed only Alex wasn't hungry anymore. 

 

"Sorry, Shane" she reached out her hand. 

 

"Alex, nice to meet you." 

 

"Are you new? You must be new, cause I know everyone...mostly. Or they know me cause I can't shut up" she leaned over laughing "I'm from the lab" 

 

"I don't talk to people from lab.... I mean for my job" she quickly corrected herself "...I didn’t mean I don't talk to lab people just not part of my job." 

 

"So, what is your job?" Shane laughed. 

 

"OBGYN and yes very new, 9 months new" 

 

"Aaaa...that's why. I would remember that face...I remember faces, not names. I'll probably call you goldy locks when I can't remember. Swiss cheese my brain" 

 

"Oh, same very same. And if I pass next to you tomorrow like I don't know you it's because I don't remember faces" 

 

"Right, so we're both fucked up then." She laughed "Food, you should order..." she suddenly looked up and waived to the waiter "She's gonna have...What will you have?" 

 

"Fish and chips are fine and just water please" 

 

"So, Alex, will you come to Christmas party?" John turned his chair twards her 

 

"Arrrrh...Yeeeah...I'd like to." 

 

"Great, you'll see it's fun. Where you're from?" 

 

"Small place 5 minutes from Helmsley" 

 

"No way, my mum is from Helmsley." 

 

"Really? What are the chances”? 

 

.... 

 

Yaz got down to the kitchen and put the kettle on, then sat by the window enjoying the garden. It was still a mess, but she loved every corner of it and dreamed about how it would look like in the spring. As happy as she was about moving, it also brought up unexpected anxiety in her. Making her feel unsettled and vulnerable for some unexplained reason. With Christmas around the corner, it also meant a lot more night shifts for Alex and she wasn't coping well with an empty bed. Having trouble falling asleep alone made her realise just how much she had become dependent on Alex. She was drained both physically and emotionally and felt pathetic at times. 

Magpie hopped across the snow towards the bird feeder she placed in the garden and Yaz leaned over the kitchen counter pressing her face against the window. One of their cats got interested in it as well, hopping on the counter and pricking up its ears. 

 

"Yeah, it's a nice bird and now you can forget you saw her" she stroke a cat who fixated on the bird "Don't you dare bring me dead birds home missy or we're gonna have a serious conversation about it." 

 

Her phone rang and she grabbed it quickly. 

 

"Hey sweet pea...I did it!!" 

 

"Did ya?" 

 

"Yeees..." Alex chirped haply 

 

"Aaaand....how it go?" 

 

"It wasn't bad at all, and I don't think I embarrassed myself either." 

 

"Seee, told you. I'm so proud of you baby." 

 

"I was so nervous. But I don't think I remembered all the names." 

 

"That's alright babe, most people can't remember names and just blag it" 

 

"I'm on my way to pick up Prem. Do we need anything from the shop?" 

 

"Nope...I went shopping at lunch break I had to stretch my legs." 

 

"Ok darling, I'll be home soon." 

 

"Alright baby, see ya" 

 

"Love ya" 

 

"Love you too beautiful." 

 

.... 

 

"Hiya!" Alex smiled haply as Nadjia opened the door 

 

"Hi honey. Come on in. You look frozen." 

 

"It's so cold outside. The wind is horrid.' 

 

"Sonya should be home in a minute." She walked over to the kitchen and picked up a bag "Here's dinner for you." 

 

"Oh, seriously, you didn't have to. Thank yoooou...that's so sweet.” 

 

"It's at least we can do. I just made some tea, want some?" 

 

"Yes please" she said sitting down "Hakim still at work?" 

 

"Yes." She put the tea pot on the table and sat down "Now, this is for you two" she slid the envelope across the table "And before you open it...I don't wanna hear a word. Consider it a wedding present.” 

 

"What?" Alex looked inside shocked "Oh my fucking god.... whhhhhyyyy? How much money is this?" 

 

"It's 10 000 towards the garage. It's not a lot but it will help." 

 

"Nooo" Alex shook her head shocked "Pleaseeee nooo...I can't take this. We can manage. We got the mortgage there's...." 

 

"Alex!!! Listen..." Nadjia grabbed her wrist "It can take months or even years for Sonya to get a council house or apartment. And god knows she can't get a mortgage now. Our daughter and grandson will live there practically for free. Your uncle is renovating it for peanuts. Pleaseeee take it..." she took a deep breath "10 grand is a drop in the ocean compared to my daughter having her own place to live. So, you are taking that money missy" she smiled palming her hand on the table. 

 

"I just don't want you struggling. I have good pay and Yazee is making more money now as well." 

 

"We're fine. Between us two and Nanny it's not gonna break the bank." 

 

Alex's chin wobbled and she jumped across the table hugging her. "Thank yoooou...thank you so much. 

 

Yaz knows, in case you wonder." She giggled. 

 

"I'll kill her" she laughed. 

 

"Hiya!" Sonya waived from the door. 

 

"Hey babe." Alex smiled and rushed to grab the baby. 

 

"He's all yours" she laughed. 

 

"My favorite chubby cheeks." Alex gushed kissing the baby. 

 

"I prepared everything for you. He loves boiled carrot and broccoli." 

 

"That's great, we got plenty of those. I'll send you photos, we got some cute Christmas stuff for his room." 

 

"You really need a kid babe" Sonya laughed. 

 

"Can you shout it louder, so my wife hears?" She giggled. 

 

 

.... 

 

Evening came fast, days were short, and it was nighttime in the blink of an eye. They hung around in the kitchen, Alex feeding little Prem whilst Yaz was heating up the food her parents sent. 

 

"He's got a healthy appetite." 

 

"No shit" Yaz laughed "Dinner is done...go and eat, I'll finish feeding him." 

 

"Really?" 

 

"Yeees" she laughed "Don't look so surprised...Go on, move your but" she nudged her with a hip "You haven't eaten anything you must be starving." 

 

Alex smiled haply and got up leaving her to it. In spite of what on the surface appeared to look like a very indifferent attitude, Alex caught her numerous times leaning over the cot and watching him sleep. She also never commented on Yaz sneaking him into their bed at night on several occasions. Also, she bought him TARDIS Christmas lights for his room. 

 

"Yazee...can we talk" Alex said sitting down at the table. 

 

"You look worried, what's up?" 

 

"Your mum gave me the money today." 

 

"Oh" 

 

"Yeah...I feel so embarrassed taking it. And you should've told me Yazee" 

 

"I'm sorry, with everything around the house I just forgot. Honest." 

 

"Look I believe you...I'm not upset, it just took me by surprise. I didn't know what to say. Yazee I don't wanna put your parents in a financial mess. That's shit loads of money and your mum made me take it." 

 

"I know but hear me out babe. It makes them happy they're doing something. They feel a bit like shit that they're not really contributing with my sister moving in with us. And they feel like it's too much." 

 

"But it's not Yazee, we're family." 

 

"I know we are, but still. Look...they feel better and fairer doing this. Don't worry...seriously. My nan has some money saved up for my sister and me which she said will go to us when she dies. She's been keeping it in some investments from 100 years ago" she laughed "And my mum and dad have a little bit, it's not a lot but it just makes my family happy. So pleeease...just go with it." 

 

Alex pursed her lips. She still felt like shit taking the money, but she couldn't really fight this. "Alright sweet pea. Just please tell me next time. You know I get all flustered with these things." 

 

"I promise. I'm sorry, I've just been so stressed recently. I'm not myself." 

 

"I noticed that. But you're not talking to me darling, you're keeping everything in. I wish you say something. I'm not blind you know." 

 

"It's just you are working nights, and the new house still sometimes feels a bit like...dunno...new, like it’s not ours." 

 

Alex reached across the table palming her hand. 

"But it is ours sweet pea. Yours and mine, our dream home. For you, me...our baby one day." 

 

"I knoooow" her eyes filled with tears, and she was trying to concentrate feeding the baby "But it's just not the same when you're not around. And I practically didn't see you. By the time I finish work you need to leave to work. I just felt like I'm hovering around alone.... And that just sounds so fucking clingy...I'm sorry, my hormones are having a rave party this month. I'm gonna be on soon and I feel like I'm gonna explode." 

 

"Hey...it's alright...you can be clingy.... I love you being clingy.... C’mere" she tugged on her hand and pulled her into a kiss "I love you." 

 

"Love you too.” 

 

"Let's talk about something fun, ha? I need help." 

 

"With what? Crazy wife?" She chuckled. 

 

She took her phone out of her pocket and slid it across the table. "Left, or right?" 

 

Yaz leaned over to look at the photo "Aaaa is this for Christmas dinner?" 

 

"Yap..." 

 

"I love red. Red really suits you babe. I don’t like black...it's boring." 

 

"Alright...red it is" 

 

"No dress?" 

 

"Noo" she nodded "It's all too stressful as it is. Dress would only make me feel even more anxious. But I have to go into the store. I haven't got much time." 

 

"I thought it was this Friday I started freaking out." 

 

"Nope, next week, still, not much time and with Christmas I'm worried it won't come in time. You go with me?" 

 

"Of course, babe. But definitely red." 

 

"What will you wear sweet pea?" 

 

"You gotta help me find something. I don't even know where to start to be honest”

 

"We can make a day out of it. Maybe Tuesday, I’m working in the morning.  We can go straight from work. Dress or trousers?" 

 

"Dunno I'm not fussed, trousers probably. I’m not keen on dresses in winter. How fancy is this place?" 

 

"Average ..." she scrunched her nose. 

 

"I trust you finding me something nice. Oh, your uncle sent me a link to his website. I'm starting it next week." 

 

"Really?" 

 

"Mmmm" 

 

"That's brilliant. I'm so chuffed you’re gonna work with my uncle. He's so happy about it." 

 

Suddenly Prem started crying refusing to take food from Yaz "Oh come ooon don't cry...What am I? Wicked witch of the west?" 

 

.... 

 

Alex gave Prem a bath then settled him for a bed. She sat in a chair reading him a story until he started dowsing off then slowly transferred him to the cot. She left the little TARDIS Christmas lights on and before leaving the room stood at the door for a moment dreaming about the day when her own baby would be in it. 

 

"Sleeping?" 

 

"Yes, he was complaining for a while but in the end got too tired" she said climbing the sofa and snuggled next to Yaz nuzzling her face 

 

"You look exhausted baby" Yaz brushed her fingertips over her cheek and tucked her hair behind her ear. 

 

"It's the night shifts. They killed me. Thankfully no more till after New Year's." She sighed slipping her arm around her and tucked her face into her neck "Can we just cuddle and watch something?" 

 

"Yeah...but I can't play anything unless you let me go" she giggled. 

 

"But I don't wanna let you go" Alex chuckled into her neck "You're nice and soft and warm. Can I live here?" 

 

"Absolutely, it will be challenging at times, but I think we could manage." 

 

"Oh," she lifted her head "Pleaseeee don't let me forget. I have to sort out the paperwork for those permits for the garage." 

 

"It's alright babe I can do that." 

 

"We can do it together over the weekend" she tucked her face back into her neck. 

 

"We need to do Christmas shopping at some point. There's a lot of presents to get." 

 

"We will..." Alex said sleepy "At some point." 

 

She fell asleep and Yaz switched on Netflix watching for a while before waking her up to move to the bedroom. 

 

.... 

 

The baby's cry woke Alex early. She walked sleepily to the nursery. Seeing the bottle next to the cot brought a smile to her face, realizing that Yaz must have gotten up during the night. She also realized how exhausted she must have been when she didn't hear the baby's cry. 

 

When Yaz got up, she found a note on the kitchen counter. She yawned and lazily clicked the kettle, made herself breakfast, a cup of hot coffee and sat by the kitchen window looking at her beloved garden. Snow was settling faster and thicker than she expected. Winters were not what they used to be, and snow became a treat. Especially for Christmas holidays. She wasn't a winter person but was excited this year in a new home. She sat by the window enjoying the view when Alex walking through the door made her jump. 

 

"Aaaa....morning sweet pea" she chirped from the door. 

 

"Blimey, you're covered in snow" she giggled kissing her then moved the rain cover from the pram. "OMG, rosy cheeks" 

 

"It's cold, but he needed some fresh air. We weren't long, just down the road and back" 

 

"Want some tea?" 

 

"Yeees, definitely" 

 

"Your mum called by the way." She yelled from the kitchen "She woke me up I sounded like a right idiot on a phone." 

 

"Why didn't she call me?" 

 

"Cause you left your phone at home silly billy." She laughed "She got worried, called you three times." 

 

"OMG..." 

 

"She just called to ask about cats and she's already making plans for Christmas dinner. We still have three weeks." 

 

"Oh, this is late, usually she starts at the beginning of November and buys Christmas cards in August on action" she laughed. 

 

"Bloody hell" 

 

"Wait until you see the house.” 

 

"She asked me if we're gonna be in her house or nan's. I said I don't know." 

 

"Oh, I didn't think about that" Alex frowned as she was taking Prem out of the buggy. 

 

"Whatever you want babe I'm not fussed. I thought you might wanna be close to your mum this time. You know...being Christmas and all that." 

 

"Honestly...Yes....We're only there over the weekend. And the house will be stunning. It's a chance for me to spend more time with her." 

 

"Well, I think it will make her happy too" she leaned over kissing her cheek. 

 

.... 

 

Being finally home together the whole weekend after a long time was something they both missed more than what they dared to admit, and the mood change in both of them was palpable. After putting Prem to bed, Alex walked downstairs. The smell of brownies Yaz was making made her hungry. She switched off the light in the living room, leaving only the Christmas tree on, played some mellow music and lighted up the candles on the coffee table then walked over to Yaz who just took the tray out of the oven. 

 

"That smells yummy" she said sniffing the tray over her shoulder and wrapped her arms around her. 

 

"I hope it tastes yummy as well. Don't expect much. It's the first time I'm making these...They have to cool down a bit." 

 

"I can wait" she said kissing her neck. She smelled sweet like the cakes she had just made and was warm against her lips and Alex melted into her wrapping herself around her. 

 

"Are you trying to have your way with me?" She said closing her eyes and palming her hands on her stomach. 

 

"Maybe" she giggled continuing to kiss up her neck and over her cheek. 

 

Yaz giggled, turning in her arms, and was met with a silly smile. She brought her arms to her shoulders and ran her fingers down the nape of her neck sending shivers down Alex's back. "I missed you, so much. " Yaz said as her eyes floated across her wife's face. 

 

"I missed you too" Alex planted a small kiss to her lips and buried her face into her neck. Her work was taking a toll on both of them recently and running around the house didn't help either.  "You have me now till after New Year’s." 

 

"Promise?" 

 

"Absolutely...promise" 

 

"Let me take a shower and we can just chill out, watch something." 

 

"Mmmmm" she hummed into her neck kissing the soft skin there then raised her gaze leaning her head against hers "I really love you sweet pea" 

 

"I really love you too my silly billy" Yaz palmed her face and pulled her into a gentle kiss. 

 

"Go get yourself sorted, I'll cut the brownies. How about I slap some ice-cream, raspberry jam, and whipped cream on them?" 

 

"Hell yes" she laughed. 

 

Whiles Yaz took a shower Alex quickly gave a call to Annie. Each year she would make a Christmas list for all the kids, and she figured the best way was just asking what they wanted rather than guessing. 

 

"Hi hun. 

 

"Hiya" 

 

"What's up? How's the new house?" 

 

"Getting there, everything is finally done inside. We're still waiting for new living room curtains. This lot that mum sent me is way too short, they look bonkers, like we ran out of money for longer once. Also, our freezer just died today, so we need to get a new one. You?" 

 

"Same old, nothing exciting. I'm just finishing a costume for Ruby's school play on Friday." 

 

"Please record it for me" 

 

"I will" 

 

"I ordered some flowers and chocolates for her, they should be delivered on Thursday, just hide them somewhere." 

 

"Bloody hell Alex...You're spoiling her way too much. She's not playing on West End babe" she giggled. 

 

"She is in her mind" Alex chuckled. 

 

"Thanks for that. She'll love it." 

 

"I actually called about her Christmas present..." 

 

"I thought it was about mine" she laughed. 

 

.... 

 

"I feel human again" Yaz huffed tapping into the kitchen. Her hair freshly washed, falling over her shoulders and down her back all the way to her waist leaving Alex breathless each time when it wasn't scooped up in one of her elaborate braids. 

 

"Dessert madame" Alex turned on a heel and passed her a plate. 

 

"Oh, this is heaven. I checked on Prem, sound asleep." 

 

"He is sleeping more regularly now, more or less he lasts all the way till six in the morning." 

 

"Yeah, finally Sonya can get some sleep bless her." 

 

After having their dessert, they made themselves comfy on the sofa with a movie. Finally relaxed, Yaz spooned behind Alex, savoring in this moment. With soft lights from the Christmas tree, fire crackling from the fireplace and her wife by her side, her anxiety was slowly setting down. She trailed lazy lines over her stomach planting the odd kiss to her neck which as the evening went on became bolder, and so did her hand, palming every inch of her she could reach, and Alex got the memo. She turned over her shoulder with the softest smile and rolled to her back falling into a deep kiss bringing her hand to the nape of Yaz's neck pulling her closer.  

 

"You trying to have your way with me?" She chuckled into her lips. 

 

"Maybe" Yaz smiled closing the gap between them. 

 

Alex craned her neck, blonde curls framing her face. She huffed gripping the armrest as she swayed her hips, slowly rocking herself over her lovers’ lips and tangled fingers of her other hand into her wife's hair. Tingles travelled down her spine as droplets of sweat collected in the pool of her back. Her mouth fell open in a quiet moan as she fell apart then fell silent. Her chest heaving, fingers stroking through her wife's hair, and she smiled meeting her eyes as Yaz planted a small kiss to her inner thigh. She shuffled around collapsing boneless next to her then pulled her into a lazy kiss. 

 

"Mmmm...Strawberry" she smiled silly. Her cheeks flushed, and hair glued to the side of her face as was trying to catch her breath. "God, I love you" she huffed palming her face 

 

"Love you too my beautiful goof" Yaz giggled. 

 

"I need a shower, and sofa cover needs cleaning" she laughed. 

 

"All at the same time or separately?" Yaz chuckled. 

 

Alex rested her head on her arm trailing her finger down the length of Yaz and leaned over kissing her cheek "I really missed you sweet pea. It’s been crazy three weeks...I'm sorry" 

 

"All gone now." Yaz smiled tucking her hair behind her ear and ran her hand down her arm. 

 

"I really want you" Alex smiled. 

 

"Out of commission...sorry" she giggled, and Alex pouted her lips 

 

"I hate when you're out of commission." 

 

"Me to believe me. Talking about that, I'm gonna have to take a tablet. My stomach is starting to really hurt." 

 

"I'll get it" she was about to get up, but Yaz pulled her back. 

 

"Don't you dare move yet" she pulled her into her chest and closed her arms around her. 

 

"I'm cold. My bum is getting a breeze" she giggled reaching for the blanket and lazily threw it over herself then settled back into Yaz's arms. 

 

They fell silent for a long moment dozing off a bit falling into the soft pillows of the sofa, listening to the fire crackling. 

 

"I'm a bit nervous about Friday" Alex said quietly. 

 

"Don't be. It will be fun, you'll see. I'm actually chuffed about going. I've never been to anything like that before." 

 

"Me neither. We didn't do that in my previous job. I was only ever with my family. And I didn't really have many friends either." 

 

"Did you ever make any friends at previous work?" 

 

"I did one...Mandy. She was a nurse, but she left after a year. We stayed in touch for a while and it all sort of fizzled out later." 

 

"All my mates moved away. Not that I had many either. But I miss it sometimes. Always sort of felt like I was left behind. I did think about moving at some point. Maybe trying to find work in London. But I didn't wanna be away from my family, so it sorts of kept me tied here." 

 

"Thank god" Alex lifted her head with a smile. 

 

"Yap..." Yaz kissed her forehead. 

 

Prem started crying and they both looked towards the baby monitor. 

 

"Well, that's it I guess" Yaz laughed "Go in a shower. I'll sort him out." 

 

"He may need changing. Sometimes he pees at night." 

 

"I'll check" 

 

"I'll take a quick shower and heat up the bottle" she said quickly getting up. 

 

.... 

 

"Is he ok?" Alex whispered from the door of the nursery wrapped up in a dressing gown holding a bottle. 

 

"Yeah" Yaz smiled "He was wet" she said walking up and down the room rocking him. 

 

"You want me to take over?" 

 

"Nope" she smiled and slowly put him down into the cot. 

 

"Ooookkk" Alex chuckled passing her the bottle. 

 

"Look at him." Yaz whispered leaning over the cot. Prem gripped her finger as she fed him, and her heart sank. She felt like she wasn't spending nearly enough time with him as she really should. Leaving Alex to do most of the chores, and at times like this felt guilty about not gushing over him as much as Alex did.  

 

"He's adorable" 

 

"He is and I'm a shit aunt." 

 

"No, you're not." 

 

"You would say that." 

 

"You're getting there." 

 

"Just about" she chuckled. 

 

"I think he's fine now. Let's go to bed" she kissed her shoulder. 

 

.... 

 

Yaz was rushing to finish her work earlier as Alex was picking her up to go shopping for presents and their outfits for Friday dinner. She was pushing herself the whole day as her stomach felt like someone was ripping her insides apart. She went down to the kitchen to make herself some hot tea in hopes it would soothe her pain and make her feel better as she felt a bit feverish. Waiting for the kettle to boil she leaned over the counter looking outside at the snow. Suddenly sharp pain almost made her collapse to the floor, and she screamed leaning on the counter trying desperately to ride it off, but the pain just kept getting stronger and she realized looking down that her tracksuit was covered in blood. 

 

"What the fuck?" She frowned then another sharp pain almost rendered her unconscious and she slipped down the kitchen cabinet to the floor crying out in pain. She grabbed her phone and called Alex but there was no answer. 

 

"Fuck..." she scrambled as the pain got stronger and dialed again with a shaking hand "Muuum!" she cried out. 

 

..... 

 

Alex finished the delivery and went out of the room to change. One of her work colleagues was waiting for her there. 

 

"Alex" 

 

"Hey Amar, what's up?" she took off the gloves throwing them away and pulled the mask down her face 

 

"I'm not sure how to say this Alex, there's no easy way of saying it" 

 

She frowned confused "Say what?" 

 

"It's about your wife. She was brought in whilst you were in the delivery room. She's in the surgery Alex." 

 

Alex froze in a spot, all the blood draining from her face and her legs almost gave away "My what?" She frowned 

 

"It's alright, she's gonna be fine." 

 

"What do you mean my wife? Brought in where...what are you talking about?" 

 

"Your wife Alex...She was brought in half an hour ago with a hemorrhage. She had a rupture of ovarian tumor." 

 

"Whaaat??.... What do you mean? .... Where is she!" She yelled ripping the mask off and headed towards the door, but the man put his hands on her shoulders stopping her. 

 

"She's in a surgery Alex" 

 

"Oh, my fucking god!" she tried getting to the door, but the man kept stopping her "...I need to see her.” 

 

"You can't Alex, she's in surgery. Let me explain." he tried reasoning with her, but she was fighting him back trying to pass to the door. 

 

"Yes, I can...Where is she? ...Who's doing  the surgery? Let go of me" she yelled. 

 

"Alex...calm down...Listen, breath...She's gonna be ok." 

 

"She’s not gonna be ok I want to see my wife!" She yelled 

 

"Alex...calm down...Listen" he grabbed her shoulders tight "Listen to me...All I know is that she had a tumor, it ruptured, she lost quite a bit of blood, but she came in time. She's gonna be alright Alex. It's alright ...She's in safe hands, there's nothing you can do now.... you know that Alex...think...you can't burst into operating theater." 

 

She stared blank at him all words dying on her lips as her chin wobbled and she burst in tears "Oh god" she cried trying desperately to process what she just heard. Her whole body was shaking. "I need to go to her...pleaseeee" 

 

"You will" The man pulled her into a hug. "It's alright. She came in time Alex she's gonna be fine. You can see her soon." He held her tight as she cried uncontrollably.  

 

"She's getting the best care Alex. She came in time. It's gonna be alright." 

 

"Her parents...I have to..." she pulled away flustered. 

 

"They're outside. But they can't see you in this state mate. You gotta calm down." 

 

"Yeah....sure...I do...I need to...I have to pull myself together." 

 

"Yes, you do Alex. You will scare the shit out of them if you go out like this." 

 

"When did this happen? Why didn't anyone tell me?" She looked at her phone and her heart sank seeing all the missed calls. 

 

"We didn't know Alex...It wasn't until later we realized she's your wife. I didn't even know you had a wife. Her mother told us." 

 

"I have to go to her parents" she went to the mirror and wiped her face from mascara then took a deep breath and grabbed the door handle. Walking down the hallway felt like her feet were stuck in mud. She saw Hakim and Nadjia down the hallway. 

 

"Hakim...Nadjia" she called speeding up her steps. 

 

"Alex!" Nadjia turned and rushed to her, opening her arms. 

 

"I'm so sorry, I'm so, so sorry.... I had an emergency C-section I had no idea." 

 

"What's happening Alex? Is she gonna be, ok?" 

 

"I don't know much but will do when the surgery is over. I promise.... I’ll go in to find out everything. Apparently, the bleeding is from the tumor that ruptured...they couldn't tell me much. Only that she came in time. And that's really important she came in time." 

 

"Hey honey" Hakim came over hugging her 

 

"I'm sorry...I wasn't here. I'm so sorry." 

 

"It's ok honey. You're at work, we understand" Hakim reinsured hugging her 

 

"Alex, I'm freaking out." Nadjia looked at her helplessly "There was so much blood and she was in so much pain. Nobody is saying anything. Is she gonna be alright?" 

 

"I really don't know much now. They can't tell me more now...But she's in the best place. I know it's scary. But I'm sure she'll be fine" Alex squeezed her hand. "As soon I know anything I'll tell you. I promise" 

 

They all sat waiting in silence. Nobody spoke one word in half an hour. Nadjia and Alex just held hands comforting each other. And as much knowledge and experience she had, Alex felt like it was all drained out of her head, replaced by hard core fear and anxiety and she scrambled for logic to calm herself down, but she couldn't. Almost 45 minutes later her colleague came out and Alex jumped from the chair rushing to him. 

 

"Adam?" She asked worried "What's happening?" 

 

"How is my daughter?" Nadjia asked panicked beyond belief 

 

"She's fine now. The surgery went really well, they are waking her up as we speak and transferring her to the ward, you're gonna be able to see her soon. She had a 5cm tumor on a left ovary which ruptured causing bleeding. Unfortunately, it destroyed her ovary, we couldn't save it. But the good news is that the other one is healthy. We gonna have to wait for the biopsy just to make sure everything is ok." 

 

"Biopsy, you mean?" Panic settled in Nadjias eyes and Alex swallowed deep. 

 

"It's a standard procedure. We always do it. It doesn't mean it's malignant" Alex insured. But she wasn't sure was she insuring herself or her mother. 

 

"You can go and see her now, one by one but not for long. She needs to rest" Adam said. 

 

"Thank you....so much" Alex took a step and hugged her colleague. 

 

"Any time babe. Just next time say you got a wife" He tapped her back comforting her. Go on...she should be in a ward by now." 

 

"Alright" she turned towards Nadjia and Hakim 

 

"Doctor" Nadjia grabbed his sleeve "I know it may be stupid question. But they just got married. Is she gonna be able to have a baby?" 

 

"It's too early to say now. But if biopsy comes out clean, I don't see why not. She has one healthy ovary, she’s young. One step at a time. It's important she now has a lot of rest and heals. If you'd excuse me, I need to go now I have one more surgery. It was nice meeting you." 

 

"Thank you doctor" Hakim said 

 

"Thank you for taking care of my daughter" Najia said 

 

"My pleasure" 

 

"Come on" Alex smiled "Let's go and see her" 

 

.... 

 

Alex took a deep breath and grabbed the door handle. Yaz was awake but still drowsy. 

 

"Alex" she said and reached out her arm and Alex rushed to the bed. She grabbed her hand and leaned over, painting her face with kisses. 

 

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I had a C-section...I didn't..." 

 

"It's not your fault" she palmed her face "I knew you're probably delivering some baby" 

 

"I love you, so much" she brushed her knuckles over her cheek and tucked her curls behind her ear. 

 

"Love you too. Sit next to me.” 

 

Alex pulled up the chair and took her hand kissing her knuckles. She looked and the drip in her hand and her heart sank. Things like these, which were a normal part of her job suddenly made her cringe. 

 

"Mum and dad?..."

 

"They're outside. Can't wait to see ya" she smiled. 

 

"Sonya?" 

 

"She called. She sends kisses. Prem had a meltdown she had to stay home" 

 

"They told me what happened." 

 

Alex hasn't replied just kept kissing her hand. 

 

"They said one of my..." 

 

"I know sweet pea. It's alright. You're safe, and that's all that matters now. I just want you home, that's all." 

 

She went silent for a moment as Alex looked down at her hand and brushed her fingertips over it gently. 

 

"Alex...." 

 

"Mmmmm?" She looked up 

 

"Can we still have a baby?" 

 

Alex swallowed deeply. She felt a hole opening inside her stomach, but she managed to pull a subtle smile "Of course we can sweet pea...You have one healthy ovary...right...one is all we need." She tapped her nose with her finger "But you being safe is all that matters now. Don't think about that now Yazee." 

 

Yaz refocused on the ceiling. Tears rolled from the corner of her eyes soaking into the pillow. 

 

"Heeey...don't cry baby. Why tears?" 

 

She looked at Alex with a wobbling chin. "I should've checked myself. And I didn't...I kept putting it off cause I hate going. If I did, this wouldn't have happened." 

 

"Don't baby, this isn't your fault. " 

 

"But it is.... I haven’t gone Alex...for two years. I kept putting it off nonstop. It's so stupid....my wife is a gynecologist ffs." 

 

"Not even I suspected baby. There were no signs apart from pain. Most women have pain. Everything seemed normal, normal cycle... nothing out of the ordinary." 

 

"I should've gone, checked." 

 

"It's in the past baby. Don't blame yourself, and even if you have done, those things can grow fast Yazee. Really fast. You need to rest now, get better. That's all that matters" she stroked her face gently "You should see your mum and dad. I'll stay here tonight and every night until you go home. I'll arrange for them to put the bed here next to you. Would you like that?" 

 

"Yeeeah...You can do that?" 

 

"Course I can...Hey...I'm the doctor here and I'm gonna use every privilege I have" she chuckled "Besides...I can volunteer for night shifts. Have you keeping me company ha? It'll be fun" she took her hand and kissed her fingertips "I have to go now your mum and dad really wanna see you. But I'm here, not going anywhere. Oh, and I got your phone. " she took it out of her pocket and put it on a side table. You have a buzzer here for the nurse. 

 

"I know. She was sweet. She explained everything."

 

"Later on, I'll pop to the shop, get you some nice juice." 

 

"And a chocolate?" 

 

"And a chocolate." She got up and kissed her gently "I love you more than anything in this world." 

 

"Love you more" she smiled. 

 

.... 

 

That evening Alex came home. She left her stuff in the hallway and the first thing she missed was her voice calling her. The house was early empty apart from cats who came to greet her from the door. She walked into the kitchen. Yaz's tea, still on the kitchen top, some blood stains on the kitchen floor and on the cabinet looked like some crime screen. And she quickly started washing it away. Upstairs her computer, still on and Alex switched it off. She took a quick shower then started packing some stuff for both of them and when she zipped up the bag finally took her phone out to call her mum. She's been postponing it. Talking about it made her feel sick inside. 

 

"What?" Charlie sat down at the table shocked to hear the news. 

 

"She's ok. That's all that matters." 

 

"I can take a train tomorrow. Do you want me to come?" 

 

"Yeees" Alex crumbled in tears. 

 

"It's alright baby. I'll be there tomorrow, don't cry." 

 

"I got so scared mum. I should know better not to get myself in a paddy..." 

 

"This is different Alex. This isn't your patient baby." 

 

"My legs went. I didn't know what my name is....and I can't show her how much I'm shitting myself. I just want this biopsy to be done." 

 

"It will be ok baby. Don't think that way.” 

 

"I knoooow but I can't help it mum. I'm absolutely petrified." 

 

"I knoooow baby. But we need to keep positive now. She's gonna be ok. And she's gonna come home in a few days’ time and we're gonna have a beautiful Christmas. Ok honey" 

 

"Yeah" she wiped away her tears "Her parents are so scared. Her mum just looked at me like a deer caught in headlights and I was scrambling to keep myself together." 

 

"You're doing really well Alex. This is not easy." 

 

"You will come?" 

 

"Yes...yes of course I will. When is she being released?" 

 

"Three days tops. But I can't take time off...they won't let me." 

 

"But I'll be there. Don't worry" 

 

"Sonya said she'll help and her parents and..." 

 

"We'll manage baby. She won't be alone, ok?" 

 

"Yeah" she nodded "This is so fucked up mum. Why is this happening?" 

 

"I don't know baby." 

 

"I can't lose her mum" she burst out crying 

 

"You won't.... don’t think that. You're scared and exhausted Alex. Take something to calm down. You have to keep it together baby. Can't fall apart now. She needs you now more than ever." 

 

"I knoooow...I'm really trying.... I’ll sleep in a hospital tonight. I gotta go now mum. Please call the others I just haven't got strength to explain now." 

 

"It's alright Alex. Everything's gonna be ok. Love you" 

 

"Love you too.” 

 

"I'll let you know about the train. I'll call Ollie now to get me a ticket." 

 

"Thank you" 

 

"Don't be stupid Alex. You don't thank me for this. Go now" 

 

"Alright...see you tomorrow." 

 

"See you tomorrow.” 

 

"Be strong Alex. She needs you to be strong for her now." 

 

"I will...I promise." 

 

"Love you so much.” 

 

"Love you too.”

 

----